1. COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE
C.O.N.T.R.O.L TALK
Lecture 5b

2. THE CHOICE POINT T. Means Try Again (Repeat Yourself) Or
Terminate Talk Or
Take It Personally (Move To Heavy C.O.N.T.R.O.L)

3. IF LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. IS UNSUCCESSFUL?
PASSIVE
TAKE IT PERSONALLY THREAT FEELINGS
MOVE TO
HEAVY CONTROL
TERMINATE
BREAK OFF
GIVE UP
TRY AGAIN
OFFER SAME
INFORMATION
OR ADD NEW
ACTIVE
TRY AGAIN
OFFER SAME
INFORMATION
OR ADD NEW C H O I E
TERMINATE
BREAK OFF
GIVE UP
TAKE IT PERSONALLY THREAT FEELINGS
MOVE TO
HEAVY CONTROL

4. HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L. STYLE ELEMENTS
R. Righteous Anger/Indignation
Strong Emotions Drive Speech
O. Overt Aggressive Or Passive/Aggressive Talk
You-Messages
Attack Person Not Problem
Disguised Emotional Talk
Create Defensiveness
Most Often Used As “Put Downs” Or Attacks, Ridiculing Humor
L. Lay Blame

5. RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION
HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L
RIGHTEOUS ANGER 0. L.
RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION R.
AGGRESSIVE
PUT DOWN
LABEL
MINDREAD
COMMAND
VENT
DEMAND
THREATEN
CRITICIZE
RIDICULE
USE SARCASM
LIE
PASSIVE H E A V Y
INTENSE
COMPLAINT
DISQUALIFY
WORDS
WHINE
PLAY MARTYR
WITHHOLD
DENY
PUT DOWN
SELF
GIVE EXCUSES
PROCRASTINATE
LAY BLAME
LAY BLAME

6. HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.: INFLUENCE THROUGH “HARD” TACTICS
Commands and Demands
“Do it”- The “you” is unspoken
Threat - promise of punishment
“If…then: promise or
Enact punishment: - bad behavior until other gives in - aversive stimulation
Labels - more intense (-) self-feelings, (-) esteem
“You’re an idiot”
Active C.O.N.T.R.O.L. towards other
Passive C.O.N.T.R.O.L. towards self
Accusation
“You don’t care” - mind reading, (-) attribution
Blame - avoid taking responsibility
“You made me..” “Your fault…”

7. BASIC FORM OF HEAVY C.O.N.T.O.L.: “YOU-MESSAGES”
1. Focus on the person rather than the behaviour/situation
2. Is a disguised feeling statement
3. Places blame rather than problem solves
4. Other has no choice but to defend
5. Avoids ownership - invades others’ space - makes them responsible for your thoughts, feelings