1. Healthy Relationships 101
Presented by Kristina Gowin
Wellness Center Clinician
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month! In recent years the Mayor has launched new initiatives around the city to raise awareness about domestic violence; google “Mayor’s Office to Combat Domestic Violence” to learn more information about events and resources around the city
*Trigger Warning* Statistically (as we will see in a few minutes) there are people in this room who have been affected by domestic violence either through a friend, family, or themselves or seen it in their community. If anything comes up for you during the presentation, come find me or one of the guidance counselors or interns afterwards*

2. What Does the Data Say?
IN NEW YORK CITY
In 2011, 10.4% of high school students reported being physically hurt by a partner in the last year
In 2007 study of teens 13-21: 48% reported that their partner insisted on knowing where they were at all times. 43% reported their partner checked their cell phone to see who they called
IN THE UNITED STATES
Among adult victims of physical violence and stalking, 22.4% of women and 15% of men first experienced some form of partner violence between ages 11 and 17
1 in 4 teens in a relationship say they have been called names, harassed, or put down by their partner via cell phone or text
More than half of the teens (56%) said that the checking phones happened “sometimes” or “often”
Most of this research has been done with male-female relationships; however research shows that dating violence happens at the same rate in LGBTQ relationships; research also shows that in NYC, females and males experience that same amount of dating violence but reporting among males is much lower due to stigma

3. General Information Domestic Violence vs. Intimate Partner Violence
Power and Control vs. Equality
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
Domestic Violence: can include any familial relationships or relationships within a household; IPV is when people are in a relationship and in which violence is occurring
IPV is characterized when one person in the relationship exerts power and control over another person in the relationship; there is an imbalance of power and control, parties are not equal
We go further to be able to identify aspects of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships

4. What is Dating Violence?
Verbal: “You’re so stupid and lazy, you’re never going to get anywhere in life”
Emotional: “No one else would ever want to be with you, I’m all you’ve got”
Economic: “I make the money, so I make the decisions”
Peer Pressure: “That’s what everyone else does”
Minimizing: “It’s no big deal”
Blaming: “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have done Y”
Intimidation: “If you break up with me, I’ll post all your secrets online”
Isolation/Jealousy: “Where are you, what are you doing, who are you with?”
Violence is not just physical: Physical Violence is usually the last resort that a partner will use; often times verbal and emotional violence is much more common.
Dating Violence: defined as a pattern of behaviors used to exert power and control over another partner
Peer Pressure often seen in sexual activities

5. Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
Calls/Texts/IMs you constantly and/or checks your without permission
Embarrasses or insults you in front of others
Acts jealously and does not want you to spend time with others
Consistently criticizes your friends, clothes, or interests
Threatens to commit suicide and/or hurt you if you break up

6. Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Treats you as an equal and respects you
Asks your opinion and is comfortable with you having different opinions
Apologizes when they are wrong and accepts your apology when you are wrong
Does not feel threatened by your friendships with people of either sex/gender
Encourages your goals and dreams

7. How To Help a Friend Be there for them without giving specific advice
Encourage them to get help
Acknowledge their feelings and recognize it is possible to love someone even if they hurt you
Allow them to make their own decisions
Talk to someone about the best way to help out: HOPE
DO NOT: pressure them to break up, make blaming statements (like you’re stupid for staying), tell your friend they can’t love someone who is abusive, give conditional support “I’ll only be your friend if you end it”
Statistically: The most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she tries to leave; it takes 7 times on average to leave successfully. Don’t ask why don’t you leave, ask why do you stay and be supportive and recognize there can be good things your friend experiences in the relationship

8. Resources Emergencies: 911 Information and Services: 311
NYC Domestic Violence Hotline: HOPE
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: TALK
Kristina Gowin Wellness Center
Guidance Counselors
More information available for both individual and group/workshop
NYC Family Justice Centers
The city DV hotline is not just for crisis, it is also for connection to services and information