1. WHY WE SETTLE: Lies and fears
Why do we settle
for less than God’s best
In our sexual relationships?

2. John exclaimed, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)

3. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

4. Our Father in heaven sees us and has a dream for us….

5. How does God want you to be treated?
How does God want you to treat others?

6. With love
Respect
Cared for
Special

7. LIES that encourage sexual sin
Everyone else is doing it (more than I am).
If it feels good, it can’t be wrong.
If I have sex with someone, I won’t be alone.
We need to find out if we are sexually compatible.
It’s a step toward marriage.
Boys will be boys…they have to have sex.
Porn won’t affect my relationships.
Sex doesn’t really mean anything. (Friends with benefits)
I don’t deserve better.

8. FEARS that encourage sexual sin
If I don’t give in, I’ll be lonely.
I can’t make it financially on my own.
If I’m not having sex, I’m missing out on life.
If I’m not having sex, other people will think I’m a loser.
If I say no, he or she will leave me.

9. in Philadelphia’s inner city
“Our deepest longing is not for sex but for love. What we really long for is community. You can live without sex, but you can’t live without love. That’s something I’ve learned from my celibate friends.”
“You’re not ready to be married until you’re comfortable being alone. In other words, I don’t need another person to make me whole or to complete me.”
Shane Claiborne
Visionary leader of
The Simple Way,
a faith community
in Philadelphia’s inner city
Do you believe this?

10. Because God is a loving Father he sets boundaries for us
Because God is a loving Father he sets boundaries for us. What are some of those boundaries?

11. Some of God’s Boundaries
“No coarse joking, not a hint of sexual immorality.”
(Ephesians 5:3)
“Treat younger men as brothers and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
(1 Timothy 5:1-2)
“Keep the marriage bed pure.”
(Hebrews 13:4)
“Learn to control your body in a way that is holy and honorable.”
(1 Thessalonians 4:4)
No coarse joking, not a hint of sexual immorality
(Ephesians 5:3)
Treat younger men as brothers and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity
(1 Timothy 5:1-2)
Keep the marriage bed pure
(Hebrews 13:4)
Learn to control your body in a way that is holy and honorable
(1 Thessalonians 4:4).

12. 1 Corinthians 6:18
 ”Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.”

13. When you have sex outside of marriage who are you sinning against
When you have sex outside of marriage who are you sinning against? Who are you hurting?
Yourself
Your sexual partner
Your future spouse
Your sexual partner’s future spouse
Your children born outside of marriage
Older children observing your behavior
Friends and family who are influenced by your choices
God
All sin makes God sad.

14. Consequences of Settling
As a woman gets older, the man is more likely to leave for a younger woman.
Couples who live together before marriage have a 33% to 50% higher divorce rate.
Severe violence is 4 times as likely among cohabiting couples. Women are 9 times more likely to be murdered by a cohabiting partner than by a husband.
The emotional connections with several sexual partners interferes with intimacy.
Lack of commitment decreases emotional safety.
Few nonmarital sexual relationships survive.
(Premarital Sex in America by Mark Regnerus and Jermy Uecker)

15. Consequences of Settling
Of those who have sex in the first week of dating, just 14% are still in the relationship a year later.
The typical cohabiting couple in the United States doesn’t make it past year five.
(Barbara Ray, Psychology Today)
STD’s: Gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital warts
Lifelong sentences: Herpes and AIDS
Unwanted pregancy
Many serious consequences for children (We’ll look at these next week.)

16. Benefits of Marriage
Happily married couples live longer, have better intercourse and see fewer instances of illness…. Domestic violence and relationship discord occurs less frequently amongst married couples who live together than dating couples who live together.
--University of Missouri Extension website

17. The best available data on the relationship between violence and marriage comes from the National Crime Victimization Survey. Wilcox and Wilson reproduce this graph from a November 2012 report:

18. Violence between couples is far more likely to occur between unmarried, cohabiting couples than married couples, according to a survey.
Homicides have jumped 45% among cohabiting couples, while they have actually fallen 15% among married couples.
--Spanish statistics, highlighted in recent years
by Europe’s Family Policy Institute

20. Children living with a mom and a live-in boyfriend are 20 times as likely to be sexually molested as children living with married bio parents.
Today 1-4 Children under the age of 18 about 17.2 million are being raised without a father and almost 40% live below the poverty line.
For those living with the father only, about 21% live in Poverty.
In contrast among children living with both parents, only 11% are counted as poor.
Around 49% of single mother have never married.

21. McLonahan and Jenkins have found in their research that children experience more family instability, with new partners moving in and out, and more half-siblings fathered by different men.
The research has shown that these children have more problem behaviors and more trouble in finishing school.

22. What are the benefits of doing it God’s way, saving sex for marriage?

23. Benefits of Doing It God’s Way
Emotional safety
More likely to stay together
More financial security
Much better for the kids
Loving intimacy
Avoid STD’s
Our sexual sin doesn’t separate us from God or make God sad