1. Chapter 11 Editing for a Professional Style and tone
When they are no longer studying matters of style in a void, students begin to see how
the correct choices can help writers connect with their audience—how decisions about
what to say must be followed by those about how to say it.
Students need to understand that “style,” in this context, generally excludes literary or
any other devices that make writing “fancy.” We worry about style insofar as it helps
advance our meaning. Instead of calling attention to itself, good style in professional writing
should remain more or less invisible.
For upper-level students, the sections on pretentious language and jargon might cause some
debate, for many have read such material in papers and articles in their fields. Stick to your
guns on this one: explain that plain English is the best English and that a big difference separates
choosing words to impress (which invariably makes us sound pretentious) and choosing
words for precision (which enables us to say what we mean— clearly). You might wish to
use the General Project on textbook page 243 to make your point. (The writing samples are
from actual memos in organizations that will remain unnamed.) Ask students to comment
on the persona in each sample and to translate the messages (if possible) into plain English.
A plain-English translation for the passage in the General Project, part a:
Although no studies have defined the best length for a school day, my experience
and teachers’ comments lead me to believe that the school day is too long for most
elementary students, especially the primary students.
We can view this problem from the children’s point of view (health, psychological
welfare, and so on) or from the system’s point of view (scheduling, transportation,
utilities costs, and so on). But our primary interest is the children,
because the system exists to serve their needs.
Emphasize that writing can suffer from two kinds of wordiness: one kind occurs when readers
receive information they don’t need (think of an overly detailed weather report during local
television news). The other kind of wordiness occurs when too many words are used to convey
information readers do need (as in saying “a great deal of potential for the future” instead
of “great potential”). Every word in the document should advance the writer’s meaning.
For the section on bias, you might bring in newspaper articles. Or you might use identical
lead articles from Time and U.S. News and World Report on some current controversy, to compare
points of view and identify biased writing in so-called objective reporting.

2. Learning Objectives Appreciate the role of style in any document
Write clear, concise, and fluent sentences
Use precise language
Achieve a tone that connects with your audience
Understand that various cultures have various style preferences
Understand that words can have unintended legal and ethical consequences

3. Learning Objectives (continued)
Consider tone and style when writing messages.
Recognize the benefits and drawbacks of digital editing tools

4. Style
No matter how technical your document, your audience will not understand the content unless the style is readable. To help your audience spend less time reading, spend time revising for a style that is clear, concise, fluent, exact, and likable. Consider the following:
the way in which you construct each sentence
the length of your sentences
the way in which you connect sentences
the words and phrases you choose
the tone you convey

5. Editing for Clarity
Clear writing enables people to read each sentence only once in order to fully grasp its meaning. The following suggestions will help you edit for clarity:
Avoid ambiguous pronoun references. Pronouns (he, she, it, their, and so on) must clearly refer to the noun they replace.
Avoid ambiguous modifiers. If a modifier is too far from the words it modifies, the message can be ambiguous. Position modifiers to reflect your meaning.

6. Editing for Clarity (continued)
Unstack modifying nouns. Too many nouns in a row can create confusion and reading difficulty.
Arrange word order for coherence and emphasis. In coherent writing, everything sticks together; each sentence builds on the preceding sentence and looks ahead to the one that follows.
Use active voice whenever possible. In general, readers grasp the meaning more quickly and clearly when the writer uses the active voice (I did it) rather than the passive voice (It was done by me).

7. Editing for Clarity (continued)
Use passive voice selectively. Use the passive voice when your audience has no need to know the agent.
Avoid overstuffed sentences. Give no more information in one sentence than readers can retain and process.

8. Editing for Conciseness
Concise writing conveys the most information in the fewest words. But it does not omit those details necessary for clarity. Use fewer words whenever fewer will do. The following suggestions will help you edit for conciseness:
Avoid wordy phrases. Replace phrases like due to the fact that with one word: because.
Eliminate redundancy. A redundant expression says the same thing twice, in different words, as in fellow colleagues.

9. Editing for Conciseness
(continued)
Avoid needless repetition. Unnecessary repetition clutters writing and dilutes meaning.
Avoid there sentence openers. Many There is or There are sentence openers can be eliminated.
Avoid some it sentence openers. Avoid beginning a sentence with it—unless the it clearly points to a specific referent in the preceding sentence.
Delete needless prefaces. Instead of delaying the new information in your sentence, get right to the point.

10. Editing for Conciseness
(continued)
Avoid weak verbs. Prefer verbs that express a definite action: open, close, move, continue, begin. Avoid weak verbs that express no specific action: is, was, are, has, give, make, come, take.
Avoid excessive prepositions. Also replace lengthy prepositional phrases like with the exception of with shorter phrases: except for.
Avoid nominalizations. Nouns manufactured from verbs, like give consideration to are harder to understand than the verbs themselves: consider.

11. Editing for Conciseness
(continued)
Make negatives positive. A positive expression like Please be on time is easier to understand than a negative one: Please do not be late.
Clean out clutter words. Clutter words stretch a message without adding meaning. Here are some of the most common: very, definitely, quite, extremely, rather, somewhat, really, actually, currently, situation, aspect, factor.
Delete needless qualifiers. Qualifiers such as I feel, it seems, I believe, in my opinion, and I think express uncertainty or soften the tone and force of a statement.

12. Editing for Fluency
Fluent sentences are easy to read because they provide clear connections, variety, and emphasis. The following suggestions will help you edit for fluency:
Combine related ideas. Don’t force readers to insert transitions between ideas and decide which points are most important.
Vary sentence construction and length. Do not rely only on long, complex sentences.
Use short sentences for special emphasis. Short sentences, when used sparingly, are effective.

13. Finding the Exact Words
Poor word choices produce inefficient and often unethical writing that resists interpretation and frustrates the audience. Use the following strategies to edit for word choice, that is, to find words that are convincing, precise, and informative:
Prefer simple and familiar wording. Don’t replace technically precise words with nontechnical words that are vague or imprecise. Don’t write a part that makes the computer run when you mean central processing unit.

14. Finding the Exact Words
(continued)
Avoid useless jargon. Every profession has its own shorthand and accepted phrases and terms. For example, stat (from the Latin “statim” or “immediately”) is medical jargon for Drop everything and deal with this emergency. Use them only with specialized audiences.
Use acronyms selectively. Acronyms are words formed from the initial letter of each word in a phrase (as in LOCA from loss of coolant accident) or from a combination of initial letters and parts of words. Use them only if you know your audience will understand them.

15. Finding the Exact Words
(continued)
Avoid triteness. Worn-out phrases like water under the bridge make writers seem too lazy or too careless to find exact, unique ways of saying what they mean.
Avoid misleading euphemisms. A form of understatement, a euphemism is an expression aimed at politeness or at making unpleasant subjects seem less offensive. Don’t use them to understate the truth, however, when the truth is necessary.
Avoid overstatement. Exaggeration sounds phony. Be cautious when using superlatives such as best, biggest, brightest, most, and worst.

16. Finding the Exact Words
(continued)
Avoid imprecise wording. Words listed as synonyms usually carry different shades of meaning. Do you mean to say I’m slender, You’re slim, She’s lean, or He’s scrawny?
Be specific and concrete. Don’t say job, when you can better help your reader by specifying Senior Account Manager.
Use analogies to sharpen the image. An analogy shows some essential similarity between two different things. Analogies are good for emphasizing a point (Some rain is now as acidic as vinegar).

17. Adjusting Your Tone
Your tone is your personal trademark. The tone you create depends on the distance you impose between yourself and the reader, and the attitude you show toward the subject. Use the following strategies to edit for tone:
Use appropriate level of formality. Use a formal or semiformal tone in writing for superiors, professionals, or academics. Use a semiformal or informal tone in writing for colleagues and subordinates. Use an informal tone when you want your writing to be conversational.

18. Adjusting Your Tone (continued)
Avoid a negative tone when conveying unpleasant information.
Consider using the occasional contraction. Unless you have reason to be formal, use (but do not overuse) contractions, for example balancing I am with I’m.
Address readers directly. Use the personal pronouns you and your to connect with readers.
Use I and We when appropriate. Instead of disappearing behind your writing, use I or We when referring to yourself or your organization.

19. Adjusting Your Tone (continued)
Prefer the active voice. Because the active voice is more direct and economical than the passive voice, it generally creates a less formal tone.
Emphasize the positive. Whenever you offer advice, suggestions, or recommendations, try to emphasize benefits rather than flaws.
Avoid an overly informal tone. Achieving a conversational tone does not mean writing in the same way we would speak to friends at a favorite hangout.
Avoid personal bias. If people expect an impartial report, try to keep your own biases out of it.

20. Adjusting Your Tone (continued)
Avoid sexist usage. Use neutral expressions such as chair or chairperson rather than chairman. Rephrase a sentence, using plural forms (they), or using occasional paired pronouns (he or she) to include all readers. Avoid using diminutives like –ess and –ette to refer to females.
Avoid offensive language of all types. Use your common sense. Be specific when referring to a person’s cultural/national background. Avoid potentially judgmental expressions. Use person-first language for people with disabilities or medical conditions. Avoid expressions that demean.

21. Considering the Ethical and
Global Context
Adjust some of the guidelines in this chapter depending on cultural considerations. For example, in some cultures passive voice is preferred, and informality is considered inappropriate in the workplace.
Poor word choice can also have ethical and legal ramifications.

22. Style, Tone, and
People often pay little attention to the style and tone of their messages. can be fraught with spelling errors and inappropriate informality in the workplace. In general, keep the tone and style of workplace brief, professional, and polite.

23. Using Digital Editing Tools Effectively
Autocorrect and spell check tools look for words judged to be incorrect and suggest or insert replacements. But these digital editing tools can be extremely imprecise and should be used with caution:
Spell checkers can’t tell the difference between words like its and it’s or their and there.
Grammar checkers work well to help you locate possible problems, but do not rely solely on their suggested ways to fix problems.

24. Review Questions
1. What are five aspects of style to consider when you edit your work? 2. What is clarity? 3. What is conciseness? 4. What is fluency? 5. Why is avoiding poor word choice important? 6. What is tone? 7. What are three ways to avoid sexist language?
Answers
1. The way in which you construct each sentence, the length of your sentences, the way in which you connect sentences, the words and phrases you choose, and the tone you convey.
2. Clarity is an aspect of writing that allows the writer to create easily readable, unambiguous writing.
3. Conciseness is an aspect of writing that allows the writer to convey the most information in the fewest words.
4. Fluency is an aspect of writing that allows the writer to provide clear connections, variety, and emphasis.
5. Poor word choices produce inefficient and often unethical writing that resists interpretation and frustrates the audience.
6. Tone is your personal trademark in your writing. The tone you create depends on the distance you impose between yourself and the reader, and the attitude you show toward the subject.
7. Use neutral expressions such as chair or chairperson rather than chairman. Rephrase a sentence, using plural forms (they), or using occasional paired pronouns (he or she) to include all readers. Avoid using diminutives like –ess and –ette to refer to females.

25. Review Questions (continued)
8. What are three ways to avoid other types of offensive language? 9. Why is considering the cultural context important in terms of style? 10. Why should you use digital editing tools cautiously?
Answers (continued)
8. Be specific when referring to a person’s cultural/national background. Avoid potentially judgmental expressions. Use person-first language for people with disabilities or medical conditions. Avoid expressions that demean.
9. Because style varies across the world. Some cultures prefer passive over active voice, and formality over informality.
10. Digital tools can be imprecise and can’t “think” for themselves.