1. DADs & MUMs
Hello….please click on the speaker to hear my DADs and MUMs story and why I started the DADs and MUMs service
“Dr. Leigh”

2. Why I started DADs & MUMs page 1
Our first child was a gift from heaven but had a few minor health problems and cried about 20 hours every day. So, we had many sleepless nights trying to rock her to sleep. At the time, we lived in an isolated community and had no friends close by and no family support as my mother-in-law had died and the rest of the family lived far away and were busy with their own family issues.
During these tough times, my pattern of life was to get up and 4.30 am and leave home at 5.00 am to drive two and a half hours to work meetings. I would then run training or consulting programs all day and lecture at University in the evening. Finally, at around 9.00pm, I would leave for home and arrive there at about 11.30pm. My first role was to look after our daughter for a while. Then I would go to bed at around 2.00am for two and a half hours sleep before then getting up at 4.30 am to head off for work. This cycle would go on for 2-3 days after which I would spend a day or so at home working on our business but also looking after my wife and daughter.
I was running on the edge of my endurance and inevitably made a few mistakes.
With one client, when asked about his leadership style, I told him that I was concerned because some of the behaviours in his team appeared to be collusive and co-dependent. He immediately cancelled a major contract and swore I would never again work with his company. In another incident, I became frustrated with graduates who arrived late to a program - between 15 minutes and 45 minutes late with one person’s excuse being, “but I had to get a coffee”. The graduates of course complained because I had embarrassed them by publicly stating the attendance requirements. The result was I was barred from ever again running programs for graduates.
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

3. Why I started DADs & MUMs page 2
And so, work and finances were tight and we were facing a high risk of losing everything we had. The future was looking grim and my capacity to cope had been passed. I was tired, alone and lost.
With all the skills and talents I had, I felt I had no-one who I could turn to and could not find a path ahead. I was feeling like a failure as a person and businessman. But, mostly I felt like a failure as a father because I was becoming very grumpy and did not know how to provide for my family and they needed me. I felt that I could not do what was most important to me and in the core of my being - I could not be a father and provider. The end for me seemed not so far away.
In this mood, with an underlying stress that expressed itself as angry frustration, I had taken my daughter into town with me to give my wife a brief time of very well earned respite. I sought out the cheapest cup of coffee and ended up sitting in Mcdonalds. During my silent reverie I noticed a man, I will call him Paul, walk in. Paul’s smell was noticeable, his hair unwashed and his clothes were in tatters. He also carried an old worn out leather bag. With the few coins he had, Paul approached the counter and asked what he could buy with the money he had. A soft serve was all Paul could afford so he sat out side with his ice-cream, trying to puff into life a cigarette he had found smouldering on the pavement.
“But for the grace of God,” I thought as I watched Paul.
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

4. Why did I started DADs & MUMs page 3
Noticing his plight, I went and ordered a lunch for Paul and asked the manager to take it out anonymously as I did not want to embarrass Paul. On gratefully receiving the meal, Paul asked who had paid for it and I was identified. Paul then came in and sat next to me.
“Thanks,” Paul said with a grave and careworn voice.
“You’re welcome,” I replied.
“A princess,” he said looking at my daughter.
“Yes,” I responded.
“I had a princess once,” he said quietly. “But I lost her.”
“How?” I asked.
“When I lost myself,” Paul said. “I had lost my job and had taken up drinking. What is a Dad if he can’t feed his kids,” he added sadly. “He is no man and not a king to his family.”
I remained silent.
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

5. Why I started DADs & MUMs page 4
“I didn’t know what to do. My brother had died early in the year and my father-in-law did not want to know me. My workmates had drifted apart when the factory closed,” continued Paul whilst he stared at the ground. “I thought of killing myself,” he said as if discussing a good idea, “but I was too afraid. I did not want to hurt my kids like the way my Dad used to beat me, so I did the best thing and left one night,” Paul finished.
“Left,” I repeated softly.
“Been on the road ever since,” said Paul. “For seven years now, I have not slept in a home or on a bed. Just been walkin’”
“Far?” I asked.
“Never too far,” said Paul. “Always about half a days drive from home.”
“A half a day,” I repeated.
“And a lifetime,” Paul said looking into my eyes.
Then, as if contact with a human being was too much or as if the shame and guilt he carried was too much to bear, Paul looked away.
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

6. Why I started DADs & MUMs page 5
“I might see her in the street one day,” said Paul. “I’ll know its her because she will be happy like a princess should be. Though she has no king. And she’ll be beautiful too,” he added. “She was always a beautiful baby.”
Paul and I sat still for a long-time, me the Dad losing hope and Paul the Dad who had lost it.
“A Dad is more than the money earner,” I offered quietly. “A Dad is first and foremost a father and being a father is about love and care. Did you lose those?” I asked.
“Never,” said Paul almost vehemently. “I never stopped loving my wife and kids, I just couldn’t do it all properly. Be a Dad I mean. And I was so alone. No Dad ever felt like I did, I was such a loser.”
“I have,” I said softly to Paul. “I have felt like a loser and hopeless dad.”
“Nah,” he muttered.
“Yes,” I said more firmly. “You know, I think its normal to feel that way. But, we are not dads for our achievements nor for what we do, we are dads because we love our kids and that’s what matters most,” I finished passionately.
“You think,” murmured Paul questioningly. 
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

7. Why I started DADs & MUMs page 6
“I do,” I replied.
“Other Dads feel like this sometimes?” he asked hopefully.
“I think they do sometimes,” I replied. “But I believe these thoughts are not the true story of who we are. It’s the choices we make that’s the difference.”
“I made a bad choice,” said Paul.
“You did the best you could on your own,” I said.
“I am not alone any more?” queried Paul. “I am not the only dad.”
“No,” I said. “Not any more. As long as I am around.”
“Can I go back,” Paul asked.
“We can’t go back,” I said. “But we can go forward. You can got to the future and be in your daughter’s future. The past is behind and yes it carries some baggage. But, you can call me and I’ll help you carry your load if you need help,” I offered. 
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

8. Why I started DADs & MUMs page 7
Paul and I talked longer that day whilst I held my sleeping girl, my princess, in my arms. Eventually, he went into the toilets and washed his face and hands. I gave him the bus fare and put him on a bus bound for home. As he boarded he reached inside his old worn out bag and pulled out a scratched plastic tiara.
“For your princess,” he said. “I’ve carried this for six years now but I’d like you to have it. I have got something better for my princess, me.”
I accepted the tiara and waved Paul off. “But for the grace of God go I,” I said to myself as Paul’s bus drove off.
And, but for God’s grace I might have taken Paul’s road and wondered on the road side of life, neither in it nor apart but caught in a twilight zone at the peripheries. But, thankfully a miracle had put Paul on my path and through Paul I discovered that I had a choice to believe I was NOT what I achieved, a human doing, but that I AM the love inside me, I was a human being.
God, or whatever controls this universe of ours, had given me the gift of Paul. Through Paul, I had said these words, “we are not dads for our achievements nor for what we do, we are dads because we love our kids and that’s what matters most.”
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

9. Why I started DADs & MUMs page 8
I vowed to myself, that one day I would do something about this and make sure no other dad had to feel like Paul. But, life got hectic, business picked up again, I started doing some counselling on a charitable basis and I forgot my promise.
Paul, left my life five years ago and I have not seen him since. I got a call once, someone speaking softly left a message on my phone. “I have found my princess,” was all the message said.
Life is tough right now and work is quiet. I feel alone and am again despairing.
Yesterday, as I sat in the girl’s room tidying up the mess on their floor, the sun shone through the window onto a battered and worn tiara under one of the girl’s beds.
I looked up into the sky and said a silent prayer of thanks.
Yesterday I also sent out my first to launch the Dads & Mums.
Today, as I write this message and set-up a Dads& Mums section on my website, I have that tiara on my desk.
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

10. Why I started DADs & MUMspage 9
I think of Paul now and again. Paul was a gift to me because in knowing Paul I did not feel so alone. I realised that as long as there was another father out there, another dad who would listen, I would never be alone again nor would any other dad.
I thank God for Paul and know that he is well for he has done God’s work.
So, this is why I have started Dads & Mums and this is why I believe its work is so important. With your help, we can help Paul in the many faces of fathers we meet along the way.
Feel free to send this message as far and wide as you need to. And, if you can, help with our work. Bless you.
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006

11. Sending this email to other Dads and Mums is one way you can help.
DADs & MUMs
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Sending this to other Dads and Mums is one way you can help.
Copyright Dr. Leigh Kibby © 2006