1. 11- Interpersonal Conflict
1 The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict
2 Conflict in Personal Relationships
3 Power and Conflict
4 Managing Interpersonal Conflict

2. Nature of Interpersonal-Defined
CONFLICT IS AN EXPRESSED STRUGGLE
Conflict is an expressed behavior (verbal or nonverbal)
CONFLICT OCCURS BETWEEN INTERDEPENDENT PARTIES
Parties must depend on each other
CONFLICT IS ABOUT GOALS THE PARTIES SEE AS INCOMPATIBLE
Goals are not different, but impossible
CONFLICT ARISES OVER PRECEIVED SCARCE RESOURCES
People have conflict over resources that are limited
CONFLICT INCLUDES INTERFERENCE
Actions that prevent the other from achieving goals
Nature of Interpersonal-Defined

3. How do you think about conflict?
Does the way you think about conflict affect your experience of it?
Do you need to Reframe how you think of Conflict?

4. Thinking About Conflict (pg. 352)
Conflict is War
Conflict is an Explosion
Conflict is a Trial
Conflict is a Struggle
Conflict is an Act of Nature
Conflict is an Animal Behavior
Conflict is a Mess
Conflict is Miscommunication
Conflict is a Game
Conflict is a Heroic Adventure
Conflict is a Balancing Act
Conflict is a Bargaining Table
Conflict is a Tide
Conflict is a Dance
Conflict is a Garden
Thinking About Conflict (pg. 352)

5. Characteristics CONFLICT IS NATURAL
Normal, natural part of relating to others
Indicates an interdependent relationship
CONFLICT HAS CONTENT, RELATIONAL, AND PROCEDURAL DIMENSIONS
Content- the specific topics or problems
Relational- implications on the relationship
Procedural- rules and expectations followed for engaging in conflict
Metaconflict- conflict about conflict or conflicting procedures for managing conflict
CONFLICT CAN BE DIRECT OR INDIRECT
Direct (Open) or Indirect (Avoiding or being hurtful or vengeful)
Best choice depends on the situation
CONFLICT CAN BE HARMFUL
Implications for poor health
Verbal, physical, and sexual aggression
CONFLICT CAN BE BENEFICIAL
Can help you learn more about your partner and the relationship
More satisfactory solutions to problems working together
Prevents small problems from escalating
More confidence in communication skills and in strength in relationship
Characteristics

6. Conflict Top 3 Make Up 42% of Conflict Other Common Sources
Personal Criticisms (20%)- complaints of others undesirable or bad habits
Finances (13%)- conflicts about money
Household Chores- conflicts over the division of labor
Other Common Sources
Children, Employment, In-laws, Sex, How they should spend holidays and vacations, time in general, and how to communicate
Conflict

7. Sex and Gender Traditional gender socialization
Women taught to avoid conflict and sacrifice goals to accommodate others
Men encouraged to engage in conflict directly
Men taught to be competitive and aggressive to achieve victory
Men taught not to hurt women
Gay and lesbian sources of conflict
Conflict over coming out
Discrimination and prejudice from families, co-workers, or neighbors
Sex and Gender

8. Passive Aggression- hiding aggression in seemingly innocent behaviors
Stonewalling- Disengaging and leaving the conflict unresolved
Demand-withdraw Pattern- one partner (typically the woman) makes demands and the other partner (usually the man) responds by withdrawing
Tactics

9. Culture (Values & Norms)
Individualistic
Taught to value the rights, needs, and goals of the individual
Acceptable to disagree
Encouraged to stand up for themselves
Collectivist
Taught group priorities take precedence over individual success
Maintain group harmony
Manage conflict through avoiding, yielding, or mediation
Low-context
Value explicit, direct, and literal communication
In conflict, clarity and suggestions for resolution
High-context
Value subtlety, saving face, and saving others from embarrassment through social convention and nonverbal
In conflict, indirect without direct accusations or requests for action
Culture (Values & Norms)

10. Conflict Online Disinhibition effect- removes constraints and thus invites people to say or do things they wouldn’t in person.
Strategies:
Don’t respond right away
Clarify anything that might be misunderstood
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
Use emoticons to express your tone (when appropriate)

11. Context Specific- relevant in specific situations
Always Present- symmetrical (equal) or complementary (one person has more power than the other) relationships can change over time
Influences Communication- verbal messages: one-up message (commands that express dominance and control), one-down message (questions or statements that submit or acceptance), and one-across message (statements of fact that are neither dominant or submissive, but neutral)
Positive or Negative- positive (agree on power arrangement, or the powerful exercises his/ her power ethically and responsibly to benefit both
Power and Conflict Influence Each Other
Characteristics of Power Power- the ability to manipulate, influence, or control other people or events

12. Reward Power- one party has the ability to reward the other
Coercive Power- power that derives from the ability to punish
Referent Power- power of attraction
Legitimate Power- power from status or position
Expert Power- power from expertise in an area
Forms of Power

13. Sex, Gender, and Power Patriarchy Health
structures social units such as families and communities so that men control the resources (political, religious, and economic powers)
Women receive limited access to education, lower-quality health care, fewer economic opportunities, and political involvement
Health
Power-balanced Marriage- less stress
Powerful Wife- less stress
Powerful Husband- women reported higher stress/ men reported less stress
Sex, Gender, and Power

14. High-Power-Distance Culture- uneven distribution of power with royalty, upper class, and political parties having more power
Unequal distribution of power is normal and desirable
Determines the level of or arrangements of groups in society
Resulting in less questioning or challenging of those in power
Determines who can associate
Low-Power-Distance Culture- equal distribution of power among social groups with some social groups having more power
Belief that all people are equal
Resulting in challenge of authority
Belief of greater control over life and achievement
Engage more in conflict with anyone
Culture and Power

15. Managing Conflict Problematic Behaviors During Conflict
Strategies for Managing Conflict Successfully

16. Problematic Behaviors
Criticism- expression of complaints about another party
Counterproductive when focuses on personality or character rather than behavior
Tend to be global statements about a person’s value or virtue
Gunnysacking- privately “saving up” past grievances and bringing them all up at once
Contempt- expression of insults and attacks on another’s self-worth
Calling names, sarcasm, mockery, and nonverbal behaviors
Increases physical stress and impairs health
Defensiveness- tendency to deny the validity of criticisms directed at the self
Whine, make excuses, and respond with complaints
Stonewalling- withdrawing from a conversation or interaction
“Shutting down” or stop responding (verbally or nonverbally)
Brought on by emotional or psychological “flooding”
Increases stress hormones
Problematic Behaviors

17. Strategies for Success
Competing- one’s goal is to win while the other party loses
Appropriate when viewed as a positive
Avoiding- involves ignoring or failing to deal with the conflict
Choosing not to engage due to feeling uncomfortable or disinterested
Maintains harmony but cannot be primary way of managing conflict because issues are not resolved
Accommodating- involves giving in to the other party’s needs and desires while subordinating one’s own
Used to “keep the peace”
Works well in the short term, but can lead to resentment
Differs by culture (individualistic/ collectivist)
Compromising- both parties give up something they want so that both can receive something they want
Takes time and patience, but leads to better outcomes
Collaborating- involves working toward a solution that meets both parties’ needs
Requires energy, patience, and imagination
Most difficult
Strategies for Success