1. Communication Skills
God by nature is a relationship, God is Love & Love is a relationship
You are designed to connect with others
Communication is not a personality trait, it is a learnt skill
Any One can learn how to be a good communicator
i.e. riding a bike

2. Receiving +Sending +message + avoiding Noise
Communication Process
Receiving +Sending +message + avoiding Noise

4. Activity
Write the names of three people whom you consider as good listeners.
Do the three people you have written, come in the in any one of these categories:
liked by you,
loved by you or
respected by you,
You do not like.

5. Why needed? Misunderstood Misinterpreted Rejected Distorted Not heard
70% of all communication is
Misunderstood
Misinterpreted
Rejected
Distorted
Not heard

6. Listening vs. Hearing Hearing: physical process; natural; passive
The process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to hear something with thoughtful attention

7. WHY LISTEN ACTIVELY?
Our brain works four times the speed that someone can speak. You have to actively focus on listening so that your mind doesn’t wander.
We listen at wpm, think at wpm
It enriches you and those around you, and guides you to other areas of your life.
It can build trust and respect between people, and prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict, frustration or hurt feelings.
While listening to other people’s point of view, you may just learn something new and fascinating!

8. Why Active Listening in Service?
Service members
Preaching
Local cultures
Learning
Transferring Visions
Avoiding Conflicts
Avoiding misunderstandings

9. Our Lord is our Role model

10. Why is active listening difficult?
When people are preoccupied with current life stresses or difficult situations, it is hard for them to listen.
Anxiety can make it hard to
listen.
Being angry at the person who
is talking also makes it hard to listen.
Having an idea in mind of what a person “should do” makes it hard to listen to that person's point of view.

11. Barriers to Active Listening
Physical Barriers
Distractions / triggers
Mental Barriers
Bad Habits

12. Physical Barriers Not being able to hear or see the speaker
Access to speaker – Remote location
Language or cultural differences
Other people – speaking or questions

13. Distractions / triggers
Electronic: mobile, phones, computer, TV, radio
Human: Other people’s body language, conversations, questions, arrivals or departures etc.
Physical: noise, environmental incidents, etc.

14. Mental Barriers Assumptions: about the speaker, subject, debate etc.
Personal Bias/issues
Emotions: Strong Positive ( enthusiasm, sympathy) or negative response (frustration, irritation, anger, shame) to the topic, speaker, argument or environment.
Judgmental: speaker, delivery , content
Processing information: not listening
Mental Break: Day dreaming, focus on other issues

15. Bad Habits Lack of interest Prejudice or Closed minded
Criticizing the subject or the speaker
Listening only for facts
Not taking notes
Creating distractions
Letting emotional or
trigger words block the message being given

16. STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING
1) Listen 2) Question 3) Reflect-Paraphrase 4) Agree

17. Step 1: Listen To Feelings As Well As Words Focus on Speaker
Words – Emotions -- Implications
Focus on Speaker
Don’t plan, speak, or get distracted
Concentrate on what Is Speaker Talking About?
Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others?
Look At Speaker – eye contact
Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers

18. - Encouragement: Convey interest and Keep the person talking.
Concentrate attention upon the speaker
Don’t agree or disagree. Use noncommittal
words in a positive tone of voice.
Repeat one or two words of the person's
previous statement.
Be aware of your body language!
Use varying voice intonations

19. Use varying voice intonations
“I see”
“Right”
“Uh huh”…
“Okay”
“Sure”
“Yeah”
“Yes”
“Wow”
“Really?”

20. Non-Verbal Behavior Non-Verbal Active Listening Techniques:
Maintaining appropriate eye contact with the speaker.
Occasionally nodding affirmatively to display understanding and interest.
Using expectant pauses to indicate to the speaker that more is expected

21. The various forms of NVC
touch
sound
proximity
posture
dress
eye contact
gestures
facial expressions
use of silence

22. Step 2: Question 3 Purposes Demonstrates you are listening
Gather information
Clarification
When you asked some questions:
Show interest
Encourage more explanation
Keep the person talking
Ask questions but not too many

23. Use:OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
Observation: "What happened?"
Meaning: "What do you mean?"
Affect: "How do you feel?"
Motive: "What do you want?"
Action: "What will you do?"

24. Other Questioning Tips
Avoid asking multiple questions at once.
Generally, it’s best to start with open questions
Best questions are short, clear, objective.
Ask questions in logical order.
Allow for quiet, thinking time.
Limit why-questions.
Take notes.

25. Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase
In that step we will use another techniques for active listening;
Reflecting
Reframing
Paraphrasing
Acknowleding
Summarizing

26. REFLECTING
Reflect What Is Said (In your words)
Reflect Feelings
Ex.
Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine” (when she actually looks very upset)… Reflecting, you say
“You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your voice, you seem upset, correct?”

27. “Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR
Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear. This is particularly useful when the person’s tone of voice or gestures don’t match the person’s words.
OR just as a check…
“Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR
“I sense you’ve become worried. Is that so?”
Hold a “mirror” up to the other person – describing how they look or act….

28. 2.REFRAMING
Why You Do It?
to help the other person see their concerns in a new light
to broaden the meaning of an issue to identify needs or interests
to diffuse negative feelings
to establish the focus for resolution
How You Do It?
recognize underlying needs
re-word concerns from negative → neutral/positive
past → future; problem → opportunity

29. REFRAMING (cont.) Shift from passive to active
For example, if the other person said, “I really doubt that I can do anything about this,” you might respond, “What is one small step that you might take?”
Shift from negative feeling to positive feeling
For example, if the other person said, “I don’t want to work on that now because it makes me feel sad,” you might respond, “What small part of that might you work on for now, that might even leave you feeling a bit more happy?”

30. 3.PARAPHASING
PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content.
i.e. “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right”
When you get a clue about why the person is feeling as he or she does, put the message into your own words:

31. CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening.

32. 4. ACKNOWLEDGING FEELINGS
Problem Solving
Acknowledge
Problem Solving Might Not Work In the Face of Strong Feelings
Feelings May Need Acknowledgement Before Effective Problem Solving
Kindergarten story – son it’s the law

33. 5.SUMMARIZE Why You Do It? to review progress
to pull together important ideas
and information
to establish a foundation for further discussion
How You Do It?
restate the central ideas and feelings you have heard
Example: “Let’s see if I have a clear understanding of
your experience at this point…”
“So basically what is most important to you is…”

34. Step 4: Agree Get Speaker’s Consent to Your Reframing
Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It!
Solution Is Near!

35. Remember that the objective of all of this is increase understanding of the other’s point of view, not necessarily to agree with it or support it.

36. “A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.”
Kenneth A. WELLS

37. Listen quietly, arms &legs uncrossed, body forward
Maintain eye contact
Reinforce a statement; Rephrase it to insure agreement
Use terms like, “yes” & “certainly”

38. Interrupt, try to finish a sentence for the speaker.
Bite nails, chew pens .
Tap fingers or feet, when listening .
Openly Disagree like “no” and don’t show hostility.

39. The Golden communication equation

40. Thank you 40