1. SBU Matter Parent and Family Orientation
Center for Prevention and Outreach
Stony Brook University

2. Who are you? First-time parent/family member of a college student
Veteran parent/family member of a previous college student
Lets get some practice with the ARS
Click one on your receiver if ----
Click two if you are----

3. U Matter in your student’s success
Why are you here?
Transition Communication Partnership
Just expand on the things that we will cover today.
To introduce next slide…it is also important to keep in mind our own dynamics who we are as parents when we are about to tackle college transition with our students… So here we ask you to humor us and play along with some parenting styles that are definitely not research base but widely acknowledge by our colleagues who are parents or our own experiences with our own parents…
U Matter in your student’s success

4. Which kind of parent are you?
Can I come with you?
I still know what’s best for you…
When I was in college…
Whatever it is, my student can handle it…
18 and out…
Let’s have some fun with ars again.. Get your clickers out-
We came up with a bunch of general types parents that we see and we are- Just play along and pick the category that fits you or your student accuses you of being..
Can I come with you: Do you have an extra bed for me? (hard to let go, worried that your child and you think they won’t be able to make it without you and struggle with their day to day decisions)
I still know what you want (made decisions for your child and feel most comfortable doing so- and may have some doubts about their readiness to do so ..
When I was in college-sometimes the only point of reference is our own experience and this can colors the way we talk to our students about how college will be.. And their experience might be very different from others.
Don’t be silly he/she is JUST FINE- So much faith and confidence in your students and tend to think they are immune from some of the transitional challenges of college
18 and out (laid back, they are adults, my job is done, Passed them on to college professionals we are going on a cruise)
Next slide” However, whatever describes you best you know that things are changing for better (and not for worse)

5. Now that your student is in college, how much do you anticipate your role will change?
Too much
Not at all
Too little
Can people provide examples of ways you anticipate these changes will occur….

6. Know what we offer… Transitions… Managing new expectations…
Dealing with your feelings
Empowering your student
Negotiating your student’s independence
Managing new expectations…
Know what we offer…
This is one of the biggest journeys that you and your students is making since they got on that school bus 12 years ago….
Managing your feelings: personal anxiety, separation after taking care of them for 18 years, driving them around, planning meals etc….how do you feel about the transition. Happy to see them go off to college mixed with the sad realization that they are now finally flying away.. How do you communicate these feelings to your students who might be able dealing with such mixed emotions. Specially gets difficult for single parents with single child..
Negotiating independence: figuring out the new set of rules for you and your student, e.g. frequency of contact, privacy, and control over decisions/resources)
Empowering students: our mutual goal is to ensure student success by empowering them to make healthy choices and good decisions about their own lives and you definitely have a strong role to play in it as contrary to the popular belief students values are strongly shaped by parents values and expectations. This might be a good time (if you have not already done so) to talk about alcohol and drugs, sexual behavior, academic expectations etc.
Know what we offer: Once you have the knowledge of our resources in and outside the classroom you will be in a better position to redirect your students when they need help.. And also it will ally some of your anxiety knowing that your student is in a caring environment with multiple support structures built in for their success and wellness.

7. What do you want your student to get out of college most?
Job skills
Critical thinking
Have fun
Learn to cook and do laundry
Make new friends

8. What do you think your student wants to get out of college most?
Job skills
Critical thinking
Have fun
Learn to cook and do laundry
Make new friends
Point out the difference in the outcome and talk about how expectations change with different perspective. Today, we will be trying to get on the same page with you and your student.
If it is similar- wow you guys are really informative and it seems that you are on the same page with your student.
Sometimes we also think that we know what is best for them. But many a times that’s not the case. And that’s where good communication comes into play. Asking good questions, listening to them and observing their behavior becomes important.
It the two slides rank different- welcome to our world Sometimes we also think that we know what is best for them. But many a times that’s not the case. And that’s where good communication comes into play. Asking good questions, listening to them and observing their behavior becomes important.
This is really complex. Today we will try to come to an understanding on how to best help your students and you to negotiate this new journey..
One thing to keep in mind is that you are still necessary and relevant in your student’s journey…

9. Parents asked to draw the greatest influence on their teens placed themselves last…
As this slide illustrates parental influence is still prominent and powerful to students., As students become more independent they are faced with making choices for themselves . Contrary to the popular belief, research has shown that parental relationship has a strong influence on their children's choices and values.
Parents influence their child's likelihood of involvement with drugs, alcohol and risky sexual activity even when your student is no longer living with you. So you matter in your student’s success and here are some ways to remain involved in their decision making process

10. …but teens asked to draw the major influences in their lives placed their parents first.
As this slide illustrates parental influence is still prominent and powerful to students., As students become more independent they are faced with making choices for themselves . Contrary to the popular belief, research has shown that parental relationship has a strong influence on their children's choices and values.
Parents influence their child's likelihood of involvement with drugs, alcohol and risky sexual activity even when your student is no longer living with you. So you matter in your student’s success and here are some ways to remain involved in their decision making process
U Matter!

11. Parental Influence on Alcohol or Other Drug Use
Communicate with your student:
Listen
Be respectful towards them
Communicate concerns clearly and directly
Ask questions
Know the Student Conduct Code
Importance of communication in their transition.
Research has validated that parental modeling and monitoring ( asking questions about students activites, lifestyle and peers) were related to lowered use of alcohol, problems and helped to curb negative peer influences.
( (Turner and colleagues (2000) found parent-child conflict at entrance to college was positively related to heavier alcohol consumption and negative consequences one year later for fraternity and sorority members. In addition, Wood and colleagues (2000) discovered parental modeling and monitoring were related to lowered use, problems, and moderated peer influences on drinking outcomes. These findings illustrate parental influences continue to be relevant to decision making regarding alcohol use, even as students enter college).
Over the 8-month follow-up period, parent based interPBI had a significant effect on drinks per week but not heavy episodic drinking or alcohol-related problems. Specifically, compared with students in the intervention-as-usual condition, students receiving the PBI were significantly less likely to transition from nondrinker to drinker status and showed less growth in drinking over the freshman year. However, the direct PBI effect on growth was qualified by a PBI × Gender interaction, with probes indicating that the effect applied to women but not men in the PBI condition.)
We know that you know your student the best and you know how they deal with stress…
But given the nature of this transition and anticipated changes in your students, some of which are just developmental but there may be a few that we want you to be aware of as they can be red flags that alerts you that your student may need more support from you or us..

12. SBU Alcohol and Drug Policy
ILLEGAL for anyone under 21 to use or possess alcohol.
Providing alcohol to minors is unlawful
Illicit drug use is illegal
Student Conduct Code describes specific policies on the LEGAL use or possession of alcohol on campus
Before we explore the resources available at SBU for support with these issues, let’s focus a minute on AOD…
Review alcohol policy:
the University has established the following policies and procedures applicable to all members of the campus community, including students, faculty, staff, alumni and visitors. Violation of these policies and procedures will result in corrective measures that may include legal or disciplinary action.
Encourage dialogue between students/parents about AOD
Talking point: We keep emphasizing the importance of communicating with your student about these issues, but it can be hard to know where to start…just talking about your experience with this presentation can be a way to open dialogue with your student about alcohol and college life “They talked to us about college students and alcohol, and I was_____ when I learned about the SBU alcohol policy. What do you think?”
This talking point can then lead into the next slide and an expanded discussion of how communication will change as part of the college experience.

13. K-12 Communication Model
Hi, my child is taking a new medication that may affect their concentration.
Thanks for calling, we’ll let their teachers know.
remember the first time your little one had to get on a school bus– how was that for you..
before your child went to school you made all the decisions for them. And then you had to let go a little and meeting the needs of your child was shared with schoolteachers, principals, coaches etc..
Even when you gave your child some autonomy you had the final say. For example, most likely you had access to their attendance and academic records, permission slips…. You get the idea…
Parent
Student
School

14. University Communication Model..
That medication may affect your concentration, don’t forget to speak to the people at school.
I’m glad you called, why don’t you come in and will go over some resources.
now the student is in the center of the communication Universe. We are still there..
However, now the students are empowered to take responsibility for themselves for choices as simple as what they eat and as complicated as choosing a major, career path, health care decisions.
We are still a part of their lives and ready to help as you are but the decision to access the help rests largely with the students.
I’m not sure who to tell, I guess I’ll call my UGC advisor
Student
School
Parent

15. REALLY IMPORTANT SLIDE-PLEASE COVER ALL THE INFORMATION MENTIONED
So as you saw earlier in college the student is empowered to make their own decision and be their own advocate. Some decision we encourage our students to make are health care, academics, living situation etc. these are all decisions that many of you are making for them up until this point of time.
This slide shows how the student is the center of communication between parents are university.
Based on your communication with your student you will be able to know what is going on in their lives. Also ask questions if you are unsure about some of their decisions – like if you student says that they are pledging for a fraternity/sorority in their freshman year- that should be of concern as the university does not allow students to pledge in their freshman year and they are most likely joining a underground frat/sorority.
We’ll be talking about red flags, or signs that your student may be having problems - If you are noticing any of the red flags, talk to your student as early as possible and encourage them to seek help on campus. Also, we train faculty and staff to look out for these flags and refer to us.
But ultimately it is the student’s choice to seek the help.
Click one-Top ARROW APPEARS- that’s not to say that you can never contact us. If you are worried about your student call dean of students office for general concerns. And if it is something that is an immediate threat to safety call university police (like student is missing, or is in mental health crisis.
Also, if you are aware that your student is dealing with long standing mental health issues and might require care during their college experience you along with your student can call DSS and UCC to review services that are available and coordinate off campus referral to ensure the students gets the help they need.
Also, during the course of the time if your student has been hospitalized for physical or mental health reasons and is returning to campus, let us know so that we can help in their transition back to campus.
Click two- bottom arrow Similarly, most of the time the university will directly communicate with the student and encourage the student to communicate with you. But there are times when the university will contact parents directly. These circumstances are pretty rare but include things such as observed behavior that may threaten their own safety or others safety in the community.
(FERPA)
FERPA doesn't prohibit parents from speaking to university. It does put limits on university speaking to parents. So, FERPA is part of the context for the shift in the picture of the 3 cogs in a triangle to straight line. With that said, FERPA is clear that an arrow can go from the university back to parents in certain circumstances involving concerns about safety.

16. Obstacles to Academic Success
Alcohol & other drugs
Homesickness
Sleep difficulties
Stress
Anxiety & Depression
Financial Problems
Internet Use/Computer Games
What may be some things that can help your student. Which of the above do you believe students indicated as the biggest obstacles to their academic success?
We asked students the same questions an this is what we found…

17. 2015 National College Health Assessment
Stress 30.3%
Sleep difficulties 20.4%
Anxiety 23.7%
Depression 14.6%
Internet use/computer games 10%
Finances 6.9%
Homesickness 4.1%
Alcohol use 2.9%
Drug use 1.4%
2015 ACHA National Health Assessment Survey Data
ncha.org/docs/NCHA- II%20FALL%202015%20REFEREN CE%20GROUP%20EXECUTIVE%2 0SUMMARY.pdf
What is stress? Examples of vocabulary and how that can mask the actual thing that’s impacting their success on campus.
Other interesting numbers showing the percent of students feeling the following in the past 12 months:
So depressed it was difficult to function 33.4%
Felt overwhelming anxiety 49.9%
Felt overwhelming anger 40.0%
Seriously considered suicide 9.3% (!!!)
Sought treatment and were dx with or alcohol or drug use disorder
Think about your student for a minute…would you know if they were struggling with one or more of the above concerns? Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes are students want to protect us and they don’t want us to worry so they may try to handle it by themselves.
Talking point: The dialogue about wellness and success can start right here…talk to your student about these stats and get their feedback ie: “They showed us these statistics about what gets in the way of student success…what do you think may get in the way of your friends’ wellness and success?”
Refer back to the communication slide. And talk about how do parents know when the student is
ungroup anxiety and depression, add in notes on links to broad communication

18. RED FLAGS: Drastic changes in…
Mood
Irritable
Sad
Distant
Behavior
Physical appearance
Isolation/Withdrawal (frequency of contact)
Unable to manage finances
Too many interpersonal difficulties
We saw some of the reasons that students might not be doing well in college.
As parents here are some of the red flags you can look out for and communicate your concern to your student and also remind them to access services. These red flags are common to several problems that students might be dealing with during their time in college such as: excessive use of AOD, depression, gambling, relationship difficulties which might involved unhealthy relationships, relationship violence, stalking, bullying, or being a victim of sexual assault.
We also know that you know your student the best and we are partners in their welfare……….
There are some signs that can be noticeable and also remember that these are shifts from who they typically are-
Mood (increased anger, sadness)
Behavior (Eating and Sleep patterns, angry outburst, irritability, crying, not calling you at all or calling too many times (changes),
Excessive use of substances (there are changes in financial situation. No money when you gave enough… or god forbid – too much money when there is no source of income- dealing drugs etc.. )
Hopelessness – that’s the one to be really worried about, if they are really negative about their life and their future, and that’s a shift from last semester then it is a cause for concern.
Remember when these signs occur in clusters for a longer period of time then it is more worrisome-
It is important to remind your child of services that are there for them on campus and also sometimes a nudge from you to go seek out these services might go a long way in helping us getting them connected to all the other resources for them to be successful.

19. RED FLAGS: Drastic changes in…
Communication
Hopelessness
Ways they communicate with you
Academics
Grades
Withdrawing from semester without any clear reason
“Just not acting like themselves”
We saw some of the reasons that students might not be doing well in college.
As parents here are some of the red flags you can look out for and communicate your concern to your student and also remind them to access services. These red flags are common to several problems that students might be dealing with during their time in college such as: excessive use of AOD, depression, gambling, relationship difficulties which might involved unhealthy relationships, relationship violence, stalking, bullying, or being a victim of sexual assault.
We also know that you know your student the best and we are partners in their welfare……….
There are some signs that can be noticeable and also remember that these are shifts from who they typically are-
Mood (increased anger, sadness)
Behavior (Eating and Sleep patterns, angry outburst, irritability, crying, not calling you at all or calling too many times (changes),
Excessive use of substances (there are changes in financial situation. No money when you gave enough… or god forbid – too much money when there is no source of income- dealing drugs etc.. )
Hopelessness – that’s the one to be really worried about, if they are really negative about their life and their future, and that’s a shift from last semester then it is a cause for concern.
Remember when these signs occur in clusters for a longer period of time then it is more worrisome-
It is important to remind your child of services that are there for them on campus and also sometimes a nudge from you to go seek out these services might go a long way in helping us getting them connected to all the other resources for them to be successful.

20. Health and Wellness Services
Counseling and Psychological Services
Disability Support Services
Peer-to-Peer Education
Health and Wellness Programs
University Police: (emergencies)
Counseling and psychiatric services-
Free confidential services delivered by licensed professionals. Variety of services to meet your students needs, individual counseling, group counseling focused on coping and skill building for student success, meditation groups.. Over 2000 students use our services and many of them enjoy coming to CAPS even when they are not having problems. They come for 1-3 sessions and use the opportunity to talk candidly about anything that is on their mind to figure out a solution in a supportive environment. Also, we work with students with more serious issues internally over a period of 10 weeks and/or help them find a long term care provider in the community they can see over an extended period of time. Also, there are specific AOD services ranging from individual therapy to AA groups run by students in recovery.
It is really important for us to ensure that students are having the positive experience, academically and personally, that they hoped to have at Stony Brook?
Disability Support services (DSS)- DSS can provide services for students with permanent or temporary physical impairments and or hidden disabilities such as chronic medical conditions, psychological, and learning disabilities. However, unlike high school, students are required to register with DSS to avail these accomodations. We your students needs any of these services needed we would urge you to make an appointment with DSS ASAP.
Peer educations programs- several programs where students are trained to reach out to other students and provide support and guide them to resources on campus.
Workshops on various health and wellness topics are available regularly for SBU students at convenient locations and times.
These services are available to all students free of cost. But being adults we can’t force them to come and see us and neither can you. But open communication, gentle suggestions and reminders might help.
The main point to remember here is that no student has to suffer without help on this campus unless they choose to.
Talking point: Tip for parents to build dialogue/communication with student regarding parent presentation “They showed us all this information about resources at school…let’s check out the website when we get home and see what some of these things are all about”

21. Title IX
Title IX is a federal law requiring all higher education institutions to ensure that employees and students have an environment free of sexual harassment, sexual violence, and gender discrimination. See for more information and/or to report an incident.
Talking point: Tip for parents to build dialogue/communication with student regarding parent presentation “They showed us all this information about resources at school…let’s check out the website when we get home and see what some of these things are all about”

22. Complainant Navigator/Advocate
Provides confidential advocacy & support
Discusses resources and reporting options for on and off campus
Assist with criminal or institutional process if a student decides to report
Samantha Winter, Complainant Navigator:
Located in Center for Prevention and Outreach in SAC 310
Samantha Winter is the Complainant Navigator. She is a confidential resource for anyone who experiences sexual or interpersonal violence. She will assist each student with learning of their reporting options and connect them with support services. Samantha can also attend any meetings a student must go to if they decide to report.

23. Remember: U matter at SBU
Transitions: challenging and exciting
Communicate and take an active interest in your student’s college experience
Know our services
We are partners in your students’ success
It’s a transition for all of us and we want our student to succeed
Partnership with parents, students, and administrations is crucial in this process.
This is a review slide for what we asking you to keep an eye out for and communicate with your student and when concerned let us know.

24. Red Watch Band
Let’s hear from one of our undergrad students...

25. Thank you!!