1. Ridgely’s Parenting 101 on BULLYING
Presented by Nichol Speciale, MSW
Ridgely’s Social Worker

2. What is Bullying?
Bullying is when someone or a group of people with more power repeatedly and intentionally causes hurt or harm to another person or group of people who feel helpless to respond. Bullying can continue over time, is often hidden from adults and will probably continue if no action is taken.
Bullying is a school, home and community problem that affects all kids.
Bullying is a learned behavior that fails to show respect. The bully intends hurt and repeats this behavior.

3. Bullying Isn’t: Single episodes of social rejection or dislike
Single episode acts of nastiness or spite
Random acts of aggression or intimidation
Mutual arguments, disagreements or fights.
These actions can cause great distress. However, they’re not examples of bullying unless someone is deliberately and repeatedly doing them to you.

4. Four Kinds of Bullying Physical bullying 2. Verbal bullying
Includes hitting, kicking, tripping, pinching, and pushing or damaging property
2. Verbal bullying
Includes name calling, insults, teasing, intimidation, homophobic or racist remarks, or verbal abuse
3. Covert bullying
Carried out behind the bullies person’s back. It is designed to harm someone’s reputation and/or cause humiliation.
4. Cyberbullying
Overt or covert bullying behaviors using digital technologies.

5. Bullying in School
It causes physical, emotional, and social pain. Bullying is not a normal part of childhood behavior.
Many parents and school officials feel helpless in solving the problem of bullying. The worst thing anyone can do, however, is to ignore the problem. It will not “just go away.”

6. Bullies: Victims of Bullies: Need to feel powerful
Have little empathy for their victims
Usually break school rules
Are defiant toward adults
Are confident and appear to have strong self-esteem
Defend their actions by saying their victims provoked them
Tend to get in trouble often
Are easily angered and impulsive
Usually do poorly in school
Tend to come from homes with physical punishment and little parent involvement
Victims of Bullies:
Often have problems with social and emotional development
Maya be anxious and insecure
Suffer from low self-esteem
Rarely defend themselves
Almost never fight back
Often lack social skills
Become socially isolated
Fear going to school
Often stay home from school “sick”
May become depressed
Sometimes attempt suicide
Sometimes hurt others as in the school violence at Columbine

7. Facts About Bullying
Bullying behavior can cause long-term problems for the bully, target and bystander.
Most kids do not tell their parents or any other adult about bullying.
The school’s staff does not usually see the bullying.
Usually, both the bully and the target receive discipline.
Often, boy bullies use more physical threats and actions; girls use bullying words and non-verbal gestures.

8. Illinois Law
Schools must have a bully prevention policy. This policy prohibits bullying in school, on the school bus, at the bus stop, at school events and cyber bullying. The staff follows the school’s discipline code in dealing with bullying.

9. How Can You Help? Know the facts and risk factors of bullying.
Assess your child: Is s/he a bully? Is he a target? Does he see others bullied? Listen and avoid judgment and anger.
Show empathy. Let your words, tone of voice, and actions say, “I understand your feelings.”
Teach positive life skills. Build self-esteem. Practice coping skills.
Stop bullying in your home. Set rules and enforce them.
Become a school volunteer – an extra set of eyes to see and stop acts of bullying.

10. Targets
A bully’s mean words and actions can cause anxiety and a change in behavior. Without help, a target may:
Have difficulty learning
Become socially isolated
Attempt suicide
Hurt others with a weapon
Few targets ask parents for help. Parents need to watch for warning signs to discover that their child is a target. Some of the signs are:
Low self-esteem and poor social skills
Trouble sleeping, bed-wetting
A loss or lack of friends
Loss of interest in school and activities
Drop in grades
Torn or lost clothing/items, bruises
Lack of self-defense ability – words or actions

11. Tips for Parents of Targets
Teach Stop, Walk Away, and Tell (SWAT)
STOP
S/he must WALK AWAY safely – looking over his/her shoulder.
Then, TELL an adult
Take action if the bully does not stop. Ask the teacher, counselor and principal for help. The counselor may offer one-on-one or group skill-building – for the bully and the target.

12. Could this describe your child?
Bullies
Bullying is learned negative behavior. 1 in 5 kids admits to bullying. Bullies often have good self-esteem and the social skills to dominate others.
Could this describe your child?
Appears confident, popular, angry, aggressive, defiant, or impulsive
Is an arrogant winner and a sore loser
Controls others and breaks rules
Fights with his siblings and friends
Defends his/her actions – saying it’s the target’s fault
Disregards other’s feelings

13. Bystanders
Bystanders are the largest group of kids affected by bullying. The bystander watches a bully harm another child. His/Her attention gives the bully the social reward s/he seeks.
Bystanders have the greatest power to stop bullying.
Fear often prevents a child from telling the bully to stop or telling an adult. However, every child can walk away – and help the target walk away. Even if the bully does not stop, the bystander must leave the site. This removes the peer attention, power and control that feed the bully.

14. Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is self-worth, confidence and self-respect. A child with a good self-esteem knows his/her value. S/he has a good opinion of self.
It takes good self-esteem to bravely and safely SWAT. This anti-bullying tactic denies the reaction and the social reward that bullies seek.
A bully chooses a target with poor self-esteem. The target’s and bystander’s reaction can give the bully control and power – or take it away.

15. Helping a Child Build Good Self-Esteem and Social Skills
Have a positive attitude
Choose your words with care
Let him/her make decisions
Never call your child names like lazy or stupid
Avoid rescuing
Nurture special interests
Expect his/her help
Plan adult time
Dream about the future
All of these activities develop life skills that can bully-proof your child. They help him/her know s/he is worthy of love, of friends, of respect.

16. Children learn behaviors – both good and bad
Children learn behaviors – both good and bad. If you do not teach your child positive social skills, society may teach them negative ones. Ask yourself, “Are my words and actions teaching my kids good or bad behavior?”

17. Teaching Pro Social Skills
Children with good social skills:
Are more accepted by classmates
Have better coping skills when problems arise
Can pay attention to what teachers say
Adjust better to school
Make friends easier
Children with poor social skills:
Are at risk for aggressive behavior
Have higher rates of emotional problems
Have problems with self- control
Work poorly with teachers
Have a decreased ability to make friends

18. Pro Social Skills
Social skills are pro social skills (people skills) that predict a child’s success – in school and life.
According to evidence-based research, social skills benefit kids who are:
Developing normally
Shy and aggressive
Learning disabled, mentally ill or special needs
Bullies, targets, and bystanders
Children do not just acquire social skills as they develop. They learn them through:
Watching and listening
Chance teaching
Experiences with social rules and peer responses
Discipline
Pro-social skill lessons

19. Empathy
Children who recognize their own feelings and the feelings of others are more likely to live content lives.
Develop empathy in children by teaching them how to:
Make eye contact
Notice and read social cues
Name emotions
Calm him/herself and control impulses
Use words to respond to another person
How adults can reinforce empathy (by example):
Discuss social cues and emotions every day
Remind your child to make eye contact when talking with someone
Put words to feelings and emotions

20. Bullying and Suicide Together
We know that bullying behavior and suicide-related behavior are closely related. This means youth who report any involvement with bullying behavior are more likely to report high levels of suicide-related behavior than youth who do not report any involvement with bullying behavior.
The bottom-line of the most current research findings is that being involved in bullying in any way – as a person who bullies, a person who is bullied, or a person who both bullies and is bullied (bully-victim) – is ONE of several important risk factors that appears to increase the risk of suicide among youth.

21. Helpful Links District 186 – Bullying Incident Form
uct%20–%20Bullying%20(1).pdf
District 186 – Board Policy
Harassment.pdf
District 186 – Resources
St. John’s Children’s Hospital Parent Help Line