1. Lord of the Flies Intros: Grammatical Errors Noted….
Bear the following in mind as you work on your essays:
Write about literature using present tense verbs.
Avoid ending sentences in prepositions.
Watch your sentence punctuation- too many fragments and run-on sentences.
Stop using first and second person pronouns.
Consider contractions literally dead at this point. (One should not write how one speaks).
Do not use the following words:
Things (Events, Factors, Experiences)
A lot
Good/Bad *

2. Lord of the Flies Intros: Writing Tips
You must reference the title, author, genre of your primary source (in this case, LF) in your introduction.
William Golding’s allegory Lord of the Flies
Avoid: The book Lord of the Flies written by William Golding- too wordy. Also, “book” is too informal.
You must somehow make mention of the fact that people tend to debate whether biology or environment is a more significant factor in determining the causes of behavior. Do not refer to the island as “the reason” in your writing. The island proves to be a “major factor” rather than a “reason.” *

3. Lord of the Flies Intros: Writing Tips
The first time you mention an author, write out full name- first and surname. All subsequent times you mention the author, use only the surname. This cuts down on boring repetition…..
You also must briefly acknowledge the two nonfiction works in your introductory paragraph.
Example:
Research within two articles, both Amanda Leigh Mascarelli’s “The Teenage Brain” and Kendra Cherry’s “The Perils of Obedience,” provides key insight into this debate of nature. vs. nurture within Golding’s novel. *

4. Lord of the Flies Intros: More Writing Tips
Do not begin sentences with direct quotations!
THINK: ICE
Introduce, Cite, Explain
Example: The boys’ savagery is highlighted dramatically, for instance, as Ralph participates in the first pig hunt. The narration indicates Ralph’s actions:* “the desire to squeeze and hurt was overwhelming” (Golding 115). While Ralph is never as malevolent as Jack, Ralph’s action during this particular hunt illustrate that he, too, has taken on savage tendencies due to the influence of his peer group.*
There is no strong need for direct quotations in introductory paragraph. *

5. A Brief Word on Repetition
You tend to love using the verb “shows” to explain your quotations.
Notice that in my attempts to “explain” the previous quotation, I purposefully avoided using “show.” Why? It is overused and has thus become lame.
Alternatives to “show”:
Illustrates Examines
Highlights Represents
Clarifies Indicates
Exemplifies
Demonstrates
Proves *

6. A Brief Word on Repetition
Can you still use “show” in your papers? Yes, but only once. “Show” me that you have a sophisticated vocabulary!
You may have noticed on your paper that I underlined a word if you used it more than once. Why? Vary your word choice to elevate the tone of your paper and to make it more interesting.
Bottom line: Use strong verbs and interesting adjectives. *

7. Achieving Sentence Variety
We’ve already talked about how you can use conjunctive adverbs to craft more interesting sentences. You also have shown that you can use a ; to create compound sentences.
More tips on crafting more creative sentences:
Begin sentences with prepositions like “to,” adjectives, or even “ing” words.
To understand the nature of the boys’ savagery, one must examine the situation on the island itself.
Arrogant and aggressive, Jack is a bully in a pure sense.
Wandering through the forest, Simon discovers the pig’s head. *