1. Dealing With Difficult People
UWS Aspire Leadership Program
Year 2
INSPIRING TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP

2. Contents Social behaviours Types of difficult people
Understanding yourself and others
How to handle difficult behaviours
How to have difficult conversations
How to become a better listener
Don’t avoid conflict, manage it
When to walk away from a fight
From conflict to cooperation
Acknowledgements

3. Social Behaviours of Difficult People
Difficult people behave in socially inappropriate ways
Lack of cooperation & poor teamwork
Bullying, harassment & verbal abuse
Rejection, backstabbing, gossip & office politics
Complaining and being rude
Controlling or disrespectfulness

4. Types of Difficult People
The Tank – is a controntational, pointed, and angry. They are the ultimate in pushy & agressive behaviour.
The Sniper – like to make you look foolish through either a rude comment, a well timed eye roll or bitting sarcasim
The Grenade – goes from being calm to ranting & raving about things that have nothing to do with the present circumstances

5. Types of Difficult People
The Know It All – has a low tolerence for correction & contradiction, However if something is to go wrong they will speak with the same authority about who is to blame
The Think They Know It All
Can’t fool all the people all the time
They can fool some of the people enough of the time
And enough people all the time
All for the sake of getting some attention

6. Types of Difficult People
The Yes Person – says yes to everything in order to please people & avoid conflict
The Maybe Person – in a moment of choice procrastinates in the hope that a better choice will present itself.
The Nothing Person – no verbal feedback, no non-verbal feedback, what else would you expect?
The No Person – is disguised as a mild mannered normal person, they are fighting a never ending battle for futlity, hopelessness and dispair.

7. Types of Difficult People
The Whiner – feels helpless & overwhelmed by an unfair world. Their standard is perfection and no one or nothing measures up to it. They love to share their problems & the more advice you give to them, the worse their whinging gets.

8. Understanding Yourself and Others
NORMAL ZONE
AGGRESSIVE
PASSIVE
GET IT DONE
GET ALONG
GET IT RIGHT
GET APPRECIATED
TASK FOCUS
PEOPLE FOCUS

9. How to Handle Difficult Behaviours
Define the problem as a person and you’re in trouble; define it as a behaviour and you can do something.
People can’t change who they are, but nearly everyone can change the way they act.

10. How to Handle Difficult Behaviours
Strategies for addressing difficult behaviours:
Understanding the situation allows you to be soft on the person and hard on the problem
Get it out in the open
Agree on ground rules for communication
Act promptly
Act regularly until the difficult behaviour stops

11. How to have Difficult Conversations
First Step = Sort out which conversation you are having
Focus NOT on what is true, but what is important
Don’t fall into the “blame game”
Shift to a “learning conversation”

12. How to have Difficult Conversations
Disentangle INTENTION from IMPACT
Ask open-ended questions & para- phase to check you’ve understood
See conversations as “BOTH…AND” not “EITHER…OR”

13. How to Become a Better Listener
Your goal : Listen to understand
Blend visibly & audibly
Backtrack some of the person’s own words
Clarify the meaning, intent & criteria
Summarise what you’ve heard
Confirm to find out if you got it right

14. Don’t Avoid Conflict, Manage It
Some conflicts cannot be resolved unless one party, or both give something up.
The Path to resolution:
What people demand is not necessarily what they must have
Your first job is to UNDERSTAND the other party
Concentrate on COMMON interests, not differences
Get to know your own HOT BUTTONS and needs
There are times when avoiding conflict is the right thing to do!

15. When to Walk Away from a Fight
The issue at the centre of a disagreement can’t be as important as the damage to relationships and self-esteem that may follow.

16. When to Walk Away from a Fight
Tips to guide your thinking:
Calculate the emotional investment
Watch your language
Stay calm
Be alert to body language
Be assertive, not aggressive
Tell your side of the story calmly
Seek information from the other party
Keep in mind that you can’t change what is done. Focus on the present & the future NOT the past
Reach agreement

17. From Conflict to Cooperation
United we stand, but divided we can’t stand each other!
The key to achieving cooperation is through skilful communication
The steps to cooperation are:
Reduce differences, and seek common ground
Listen to understand first, and you unlock the doors to people’s minds
Reach a deeper understanding by identifying positive intent and highly valued criteria
Speak to be understood and to create trust rather than defensiveness
Assume the best, and give people the benefit of the doubt!

18. If it doesn’t, do something else.”
Conclusion
“Do something.
If it works, do more of it.
If it doesn’t, do something else.”
Franklin D Roosvelt

19. Acknowledgements
Dealing With People You Can’t Stand, DR. R. Brinkman& DR. R. Kirscfiner, 2002, McGraw-Hill
Dealing With Difficult People, 2005, Harvard Business School Press

20. Avril Henry Managing Director Level 4, Suite 4
Avril Henry Managing Director Level 4, Suite Miller Street Pyrmont NSW 2009 Phone: Fax: Web: