1. Chapter 5 Being Clear Albert Einstein
Precise
Clear
Forthright
Familiar
Concise
Fluid
This slide is a title slide for a discussion of Chapter 5. As with Chapter 4, Chapter 5 presents a goal, rather than a rule, for language in scientific writing. The goal of being clear is the flip side of the coin to being precise. If being precise is making sure that you say what you want to say, being clear is making sure that you don’t say anything that you don’t intend to say. This chapter presents many examples of how to achieve clarity (and to avoid confusion).
CSW: page 83
Reference for photograph:
Statue of Albert Einstein in Washington, D.C., photographed by Michael Alley in April 2002.
When you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
Albert Einstein

2. Clarity means making sure that no one misreads you
Streamlining language
language
Avoiding ambiguities
Mapping slide for discussion about being clarity. This chapter considers clarity from two perspectives: (1) avoiding needless complexity, and (2) avoiding ambiguity. By the way, I ask the students at this point what the word ambiguity means. Often, students will not know. Some might suggest that it means to be unclear. Usually, someone will come up with the answer: something that could be interpreted more than one way.
CSW: page 83
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3. Complex wording also buries ideas
This study will consider why current solar energy
systems, such as Solar One, have not reached the
commercial stage and will find out what steps
we can take to make these systems commercial.
R.I.P.
This slide presents an interesting example about how needlessly complex word choices can bury the intended message. The original draft (on the bottom) contains several needlessly complex words: “commercialization,” “i.e.,” “SOLAR ONE,” “facilitate,” and “viability.” In showing this example, I show only the original and ask the students which words or terms in the original they would challenge on the grounds of needless complexity. They usually challenge most of the ones in the list above. Then I show them the revision and ask them in a fifty page proposal from which this example came which style of writing would they prefer to read. They choose the clearer style. (Pages 84-85)
Sometimes someone will balk at the notion of replacing “i.e.” or “facilitate.” By itself, neither is any big deal, but when the writer consistently chooses such terms, the writing thickens to the point that the intended message becomes hidden.
Sometimes students will challenge the word “impeding,” which is not a particularly long word. They probably do so because it is a word they are unaccustomed to using. Because engineering and science is international, one has to be sensitive to whether a word is familiar.
The goal of this study is to develop a commerciali-
zation strategy for solar energy systems by analyzing
factors impeding early commercial projects (i.e.,
SOLAR ONE) and by identifying the potential actions
that can facilitate the viability of the projects.

4. Stacking adjectives before nouns swallows the ideas
Solar One is a 10 megawatt solar
thermal electric central receiver
Barstow power pilot plant.
This slide shows another example of needless complexity. Another way that engineers and scientists make the writing needlessly complex is by stacking too many adjectives into phrases. The example above, which was the first sentence of a proposal, is an extreme case. Notice that the revision costs a few more words; however, those words earn their keep because they help the reader sort the details. (Pages 85-86)
Solar One is a solar-powered pilot
plant located near Barstow, California. Solar One
produces 10 megawatts of electricity by capturing
solar energy in a central receiver design.

5. Complex sentences misdirect readers
The goal of the work was to confirm the nature of electrical breakdown of nitrogen in uniform fields at high pressures and electrode gaps which approach those obtained in engineering practice, prior to the determination of the processes which set the criterion for breakdown
in the above-mentioned gas in uniform and non-uniform fields of engineering significance.
At high pressures (760 torr) and typical electrode gap
distances (1 mm), the electrical breakdown of
nitrogen was studied in
uniform fields.
This slide shows a third example of needless complexity, this one at the sentence level (as opposed to the word or phrase levels shown in the last two slides). This example on the left is the third sentence of the first paper that I tried to read in graduate school. The first two sentences of that paper can be found in the last example on page 99. On the right I have revised only the first half of the sentence—I am still unsure what the writer intended with the second half. (Pages 86-90)

6. The more muddled the original, the more revisions are needed to streamline it
In our study, we examined the electrical breakdown of nitrogen in uniform fields. For these experiments, the electrode gap distances were typical (1 mm), while the pressures were relatively high (760 torr).
At high pressures (760 torr) and typical electrode gap distances (1 mm), the electrical breakdown of nitrogen was studied in
uniform fields.
This slide shows how revision is a continual process. The sentence on the left is the first revision of a portion of the convoluted sentence from the previous slide. The sentence on the right is a second revision. Notice how the second revision does a much better job of emphasizing what about the new study was different. This second revision does not appear in the textbook. (Pages 86-87)

7. Archaic structures sound unnatural
In that the "Big Bang," currently the most
credible theory for how the universe was created,
explains only hydrogen and helium, we are left to
theorize as to how all the other elements came into
being. Having studied the nuclear reactions that
constitute the life and death cycles of stars, many
scientists believe that there lies the key.
Example from page 90. Note that someone usually asks about the question used in the revision. The question is not a common way to connect ideas, but it is an efficient one. The point here is that effective writing relies on making efficient transitions between details, and in this case, the author chose a question to make that transition.
The "Big Bang" is the most credible
theory for the creation of the universe. Nevertheless, it explains the creation of only helium and hydrogen. What about the other elements? Many scientists believe that those elements came from nuclear reactions in the life and death cycles of stars.

8. One measure for the complexity of the writing is the Gunning Fog Index
In the index, the complexity
of the writing depends on
(1) the lengths of sentences
(2) the lengths of words
Desired index values for
scientific writing are 10-12:
New York Times (11)
Scientific American (12)
Fi = 0.4 ((Nw / Ns )+ Plw )
Nw = number of words in a typical paragraph
Ns = number of sentences in the paragraph
Plw = percentage of long words in the paragraph
This slide presents one common way to measure of writing: the Gunning Fog Index, which is named after Robert Gunning. Many word processors calculate this index. One quick way to perform the calculation is to take a typical paragraph in a document and do the following:
(1) count the number of words;
(2) count the number of sentences;
(3) calculate the percentage of long words (3 syllables or more).
Exceptions to (3) include first words of sentences, proper names, compound words such as “bookkeeper,” and words that have become three syllables because of a verb ending (“attempted,” for example). Then use the equation on the slide.
In class, I like to have the students calculate the fog index for the Bohr paragraph (page 89), which comes out to be 23 or so, and the Einstein paragraph on page 116, which comes out to be about 12. A good score in scientific writing would be between 10 and 13.
Note that students can get carried away with this index. Just because writing falls within the range does not mean it succeeds. There are other goals, such as precision, that have to be addressed. However, it is a good argument against a piece of writing that is needlessly complex.

9. Fi = 0.4 ((Nw / Ns )+ Plw ) Exercise
Calculate the fog indices of the Bohr paragraph (top of page 89) and the Einstein paragraph (bottom of page 116).
Fi = 0.4 ((Nw / Ns )+ Plw )
Nw = number of words in random paragraph
Ns = number of sentences in the paragraph
Plw = percentage of long words in the paragraph (> 3 syllables)
not first word in sentence; no proper nouns; no verbs that acquire third syllable on ending
I give this exercise to students in the class. In doing so, I usually have half the class figure out the fog index of the Bohr paragraph (about 23 is the answer) and the other half figure out the fog index of the Einstein paragraph (a little more than 12). It’s a fun exercise and drives home the point that long words and sentences make the writing difficult for the readers to comprehend.

10. Clarity means making sure that no one misreads you
Streamlining language
language
Avoiding ambiguities
Repetition of mapping slide to indicate transition to second half of presentation: avoiding ambiguities.
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11. An ambiguity is a group of words that can have more than one meaning
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day the pain in the knee had completely disappeared.
This slide shows the parallel between a slide ambiguity in a drawing and a written ambiguity in words. An ambiguity is group of words that has more than one meaning. Just as one sees two significantly different women in the picture on the right (one old, her chin on her chest, and one young, her head turned away), so too does a reader see two often significantly different meanings in a written ambiguity.
The example ambiguity comes from a wonderful list gathered by Dr. Richard Lederer in the Journal of Court Reporting. I supplied a revision to the one included. (Pages 90-96)
Dr. Richard Lederer
Journal of Court Reporting

12. Word choice often causes ambiguities
We wanted to reduce the vibration of the fan at the exhaust as the exhaust ducting was cracking.
We wanted to reduce the vibration of the fan at the exhaust because the exhaust ducting was cracking.
Example ambiguity, similar to the one shown on page 92.

13. Syntax often causes ambiguities, especially with adverbs
Only I tested the Labrador for rabies yesterday.
I only tested the Labrador for rabies yesterday.
I tested the only Labrador for rabies yesterday.
Example ambiguity, similar to the one shown at the bottom of the page on page 92.
I tested the Labrador only for rabies yesterday.
I tested the Labrador for rabies only yesterday.

14. Also causing ambiguities are pronouns, particularly the pronouns it and this
Because the receiver presented the radiometer with a high flux environment, it was mounted in a silver-plated stainless steel container.
Because the receiver presented the radiometer with a high flux environment, the radiometer was mounted in a silver-plated stainless steel container.
Example ambiguity that arises from unclear pronoun reference. (Pages 93-94)

15. Not having commas after introductory phrases or clauses often causes ambiguities
As light hydrocarbons evaporate the oil vapor pressure falls.
As light hydrocarbons evaporate, the oil vapor pressure falls.
Example ambiguity that arises from missing comma. (Pages 94-96)

16. When commas are missing within lists, ambiguities often occur
We examined neat methanol and ethanol and methanol and ethanol with 10% water.
We examined four fuels: neat methanol, neat ethanol, methanol with 10% water, and ethanol with 10% water.
Example ambiguity that arises from missing punctuation. I like to withhold the revision on the bottom and ask the students how many fuels that the chemist studied. By the way, this sentence came from the introduction of a journal paper, and it wasn’t until a couple pages later that the audience could discern whether the chemist had consider four, three, two or perhaps one fuel. Note that in court a lawyer could have made a case for any of the four interpretations and would win because he or she would need to do is to show that a reasonable person had assumed that many. (Pages 94-96)

17. Chapter 5 Being Clear Albert Einstein
Precise
Clear
Forthright
Familiar
Concise
Fluid
This slide is a conclusion slide for a discussion of Chapter 5. As with Chapter 4, Chapter 5 presents a goal, rather than a rule, for language in scientific writing. The goal of being clear is the flip side of the coin to being precise. If being precise is making sure that you say what you want to say, being clear is making sure that you don’t say anything that you don’t intend to say. This chapter presents many examples of how to achieve clarity (and to avoid confusion).
Reference for photograph:
Statue of Albert Einstein in Washington, D.C., photographed by Michael Alley in April 2002.
When you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
Albert Einstein