1. Ready, Set, Recall 1. Habit 3 – Put First Things First
*Time Matrix – Live North of “the line”
*Big Rocks
2. Private Victory
*Emotional Bank Account (EBA) – Role TRUST plays
3. Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw
*The 4 Dimensions
*Be Strong in the Hard Moments
4. Head/Heart/Feet ACTION Step(s)

2. Welcome Back Our END IN MIND for Tonight
Review Week2
Introduce Public Victory
Habit 4 – Think Win-Win
Habit 5 – Seek 1st to Understand
Habit 6 - Synergize

3. STARTS WITH YOU
CHARACTER

4. Muriel Summers
WORK & PLAY WITH OTHERS
PERSONALITY

5. Seek First to Understand
Connections
Attitude
Habit 1
Be Proactive
Habit 4
Think Win-Win
Skill
Habit 2
Begin w/ the End in Mind
Habit 5
Seek First to Understand
Behavior
Habit 3
Put 1st Things 1st
Habit 6
Synergize

6. Habit 4 Think Win-Win

7. End in Mind for H4 Win-win thinking vs.… Abundance vs. Scarcity
Competition vs. Cooperation
When to think win-win

8. Buddy Up: Extreme Tic Tac Toe

10. WOULD YOU THINK WIN-WIN?
Imagine you are playing in a college softball game… the game is on the line. The other team hits a homerun… but as the runner is rounding first base, she doesn’t touch the bag. As she tries to go back, she severely injures her knee and is lying on the ground in extreme pain. Her teammates cannot touch her or they forfeit the homerun and likely the win. What would you do if you were the opposing team?

11. Habit 4—Principle Paradigm
There is plenty for everyone
Paradigm
Shared recognition
Seek mutual benefit
We stop hoarding
Win-win agreements
Effective, long-term relationships require mutual respect and mutual benefit.
Generosity
Win-win systems
Gratitude
Share
Collectivity
Relationships
Open the doors
Optimizers
Result
Behavior 4 89
Habit
Think Win-Win

12. Effective: There is plenty out there for everyone, and more to spare.
Ineffective: There is only so much, and the more you get, the less there is for me.
SCARCITY MENTALITY
Effective: There is plenty out there for everyone, and more to spare.
ABUNDANCE MENTALITY 4 89
Habit
Think Win-Win

13. Abundance vs. Scarcity Mentality
Opportunities are endless
More than enough for everyone
Happy for successes of others
Treat everyone with respect
Share recognition & credit
Inner sense of personal security/worth
Scarcity
Opportunities are few and far between
There is only so much
Threatened by successes of others
Treat people with varying degrees of respect
Difficulty sharing recognition and credit
Self-worth comes from being compared and competition

14. Small scale and large scale
Can you think of a moment where scarcity mentality got the best of you?

15. 6 Paradigms of human interaction p. 90-91
Win-Win
Win-Lose
Lose-Win
Lose-Lose
Win
Win-Win or NO DEAL
4 from Scarcity &
2 from Abundance

16. Movie Scene – Show US … TELL
6 groups
Review the paradigm assigned to your group
Think of a scene in a movie that illustrates your paradigm related to winning
Be prepared to:
1) Name the movie
2) Explain the scene (act it out if you are daring)
3) How it ties to your paradigm of winning (or losing)

17. Private Victory BEFORE
Abundance or Scarcity?
Complete inventory on p. 92 (both from a personal & professional standpoint)
Private Victory BEFORE
Public Victory

18. When to Think Win/Win
Win-Win
Conflict
Relationships
High Stakes
p. 93

19. How to think Win-win in Competitive Situations

20. 4 Actions of Win-Win Thinkers
Balance courage and consideration
Seek mutual benefit
Create win-win agreements
Build win-win systems

21. Courage and Consideration
Willingness AND ability to speak thoughts and feelings
CONSIDERATION
Willingness AND ability to seek and listen to others’ thoughts and feelings with respect

22. Personal and professional relationship
1. The Courage-and-Consideration Grid
p. 94
High Courage
Low Consideration
High Courage
High Consideration
Win-Lose
Win-Win
Low Courage
Low Consideration
Low Courage
High Consideration
Lose-Lose
Lose-Win
Top right box – you want to understand
Personal and professional relationship 4 94
Habit
Think Win-Win

23. Relationships
High EBA foundation = respect, understanding, and forgiveness
Lack of trust = compromise and lack of honesty
Focus on circle of influence
EBA deposits- courtesy, respect, appreciation

24. Interdependence Reliance upon each other Everyone benefits
Each individual part of the whole

25. Apply to YOUR LIFE Values, principles, commitments Limited resources
CONFLICT
Limited resources
High emotions
Important outcomes
Impacts many
Consequences hurt
RELATIONSHIPS
High EBA as Foundation
Circle of Influence
Trust
INTERDEPENDENCE
Reliance
Mutual benefit
Individuals part of the whole
CHARACTER
Values, principles, commitments
Habit 1-3 foundation
Courage and consideration
Think of situations in your life
How could win-win thinking have helped?
What can you personally do to foster an improvement in these types of situations?

26. The Sharing Experiment
Kids get it – DO YOU?
The Sharing Experiment

27. Personal relationship
2. Seek Mutual Benefit
p. 95
Melissa & Chris
Co-parenting communications
Be proactive- have a plan
Communication with me, school, kids
Safety/assurance kids
Appreciation for what I do as a stepmom
Acknowledge school busy-ness
Thoughtful decisions
Safety/assurance kids
Feel like he is in charge
Efficient communication with ex
Personal relationship 4 95
Habit
Think Win-Win

28. Which column easier to fill? Consider…
Seek Mutual Benefit
Which column easier to fill?
Consider…
If you know the other person’s wins better than your own- game up courage
If you know your wins best, game up on consideration

29. Win-Win Agreements Works best for Ground rules Clarifying expectations
Increasing empowerment
Delegating responsibilities
Align conflicting priorities
ALL kinds of relationships
Ground rules
Desired results
Guidelines
Resources
Accountability
Consequences

30. Green & Clean Video Clip
WIN-WIN AGREEMENT APPLIED
p. 96
Desired Results
green and clean
Guidelines
neighbor’s lawn
Resources
buckets, hoses, dad
Accountability
twice week with dad
Consequences
allowance
Desired Results
Guidelines
Resources
Accountability
Consequences
Green & Clean Video Clip
4:50 4 96
Habit
Think Win-Win

31. WIN-WIN AGREEMENT APPLIED
Build WIN-WIN Systems
For win-win to work inside a team or an organization of any type,
the systems need to support it. Training, planning, communication, budgeting, information, compensation systems –
all of these have to be based on the principle of win-win. 4 96
Habit
Think Win-Win

32. WIN-WIN AGREEMENT APPLIED
Build WIN-WIN Systems
What is one action you could take inside your Circle of Influence to improve “the system?” 4 96
Habit
Think Win-Win

33. Complete p. 100-101 with your table mates It’s a WIN-WIN! 
Teach to Learn
Complete p with your table mates It’s a WIN-WIN! 

34. Habit 5 Seek first to understand, then be understood

35. Video 3:05
Decide if time ….

36. Listening-
Activity – Three little pigs

37. Diagnose before prescribing Empathic listening
Habit 5- End in Mind:
Perception vs. reality
Mutual understanding
Diagnose before prescribing
Empathic listening

38. Habit 5- Seek First to..... Understand

39. LISTENING is So IMPORTANT…
Just ask the German Coast Guard Trainee

41. Attitude & Skill
In habit 4 - attitude required for the Public Victory.
Habit 5 - skill required to achieve the Public Victory.
2 parts: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.

42. INEFFECTIVE- Listen with the intent of people understanding my point
Actions
Intent to reply
Confront, defend, offend
Don’t speak up at all
EFFECTIVE- I have greater influence if I truly understand them first
Empathic listening
Respectfully seek to understand

43. To communicate effectively with me, you must first understand me.
Habit 5—Principle
Listen with the
intent to understand
Paradigm
To communicate effectively with me, you must first understand me.
Behavior
*Influence
*Solutions
*Clarity
*Problem solving
*Diagnose Before Prescribe
*Listen empathically
*Seek to be understood
Result
Effective communication takes place only in an environment of trust.
The more people understand one another, the more they trust one another. 5
107
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

44. What is it like when only half of us are listening?
xQ Tells You…
“We genuinely listen to each other, honestly seeking to understand the viewpoints of others.”
48%
What is it like when only half of us are listening? 5
107
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

45. Passive Listening

46. Empathic – WANT to UNDERSTAND Attentive – Consciously CHOOSE to listen
Levels of Listening
Empathic – WANT to UNDERSTAND
Attentive – Consciously CHOOSE to listen
Selective
Pretending
Ignore

47. Barriers to Listening:
Our paradigms are correct and universal
Fix each others’ paradigms.
We respond without understanding
It’s Not About the Nail

48. With a partner: Identify Barriers to Effective Listening
1. Preoccupied with my own issue
2. Uninterested in the other person or issue
3. Dislike for the other person
4. Assumption that I get the picture
5. Thinking faster than the other to be able to respond with, my own story, solution
6. Bored
7. Detached - not my problem!
Complete p. 108

49. Autobiographical responses: (pg 109)
What we tend to do:
Autobiographical responses: (pg 109)
Advising: Giving counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
Probing: Asking questions from our own frame of reference or agenda.
Interpreting: Explaining another’s motives and behavior based on our own experience; trying to figure people out.
Evaluating: Judging, and either agreeing or disagreeing.

50. At your table…
P. 109 Identify phrases for each of the autobiographical responses Advise- “Well, you had better…” Probe- “When? Who? Why?” Interpret- “You didn’t really like that person anyway” Evaluate- “That’s terrible… they shouldn’t have…” APIE- Consider when these are used inappropriately, it is like A PIE in the face

51. really listen to another person from their point of view,
Psychological Air
When you
really listen to another person from their point of view,
and reflect back to them
that understanding,
it is like giving them
emotional oxygen.
~Dr. Stephen Covey

52. Empathic Listening Video 5 110 Video: 4:34 *FOBFO
*Speaker/Listener Technique 5
110
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

53. Empathic Listening What was the intent of the listener?
How could you tell?
How might this have turned out differently?
Tendency- Solutions
If we use autobiography when empathic listening is needed, we make an emotional withdrawal.
May just miss the real issue

54. Empathetic Listening P. 110
Empathic Listening is reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words.
It is not listening to advise, counsel, reply, refute, solve, fix, change, judge, agree, disagree, question, analyze, or figure out.

55. Chinese Symbol for Listening
Ears
Eyes
Heart
“To Listen With a Virtuous Heart” Level 5 Listening 5
110
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

56. Reading the signs pg. 111 7%
38%
55%

57. Thinking vs. saying… Partners 1/2 2. Sad – “I just won the lottery!”
1. Disappointment – “I feel fantastic today!”
2. Sad – “I just won the lottery!”
1. Surprised – “My name is ….”
2. Happy – “I just locked my keys in my car.”
Our REAL THOUGHTS are MORE POWERFUL to others than we realize
and are MORE VISIBLE to others
than we think!

58. Body Language is Powerful
What’s more powerful?
1. Hold Arm Out
2. Make An OK Sign
3. Put It On Your Chin
We all followed what I did instead of what I said. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Body Language is Powerful
But show cheek

59. BODY LANGUAGE QUIZ + or -
Raising an eyebrow Smiling Nodding your head Remaining silent while someone is talking Keeping your back turned to the other person Making eye contact Looking at your watch

60. Positivity is powerful
Yes, But… VS Yes, And…
TRY IT!
“Let’s plan a vacation!”

61. The way we say it & signals
Repeat these statements.
Notice the emphasized words in italics.
I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
Other signals and what they may mean:
Folded arms- defensive
Raised voice- anger
Silence- resentment
Pauses-lack of confidence

62. Watch the Signals p. 111 Stop and listen empathically.
Slow down. Watch and be ready to listen empathically.
Go forward and seek to be understood.
111 5
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

63. But… How? Pg.112 Be curious. Be caring. Be aware of your own emotions.
Ask- “Help me understand” “Tell me more about that.”“What are you doing?”

64. Partner PRACTICE Partner 1 Pick a tough or frustrating issue
-There is no way we can meet that deadline!
-I can’t believe you bought that. We never agreed on that.
-I’m tired of cleaning up after you.
Partner 2- Empathic listening
(reflect what speaker says and feels)
“You feel _________ about _________.”
SWITCH ROLES

65. What is one thing you will commit to related to Habit 5?
Partner…
What is one thing you will commit to related to Habit 5?

66. The Power of Empathic Listening

67. Complete p. 116-117 with your table mates
Teach to Learn
Complete p with your table mates

68. Habit 6 Synergize

69. What synergy is and is not Examples of synergy Experience synergy
End in Mind for H6
What synergy is and is not
Examples of synergy
Experience synergy

70. Can you name… 1. By yourself, list as many body parts as you can ….
That have 3 letters!
2. Now in a small group, combine your lists and add more

71. Habit of Creative Cooperation
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit of Creative Cooperation 6
122
Habit
Synergize

72. Ineffective: It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.
Think lose-win or win-lose
Give up
Effective: Together we can create a better way, a higher way.
Seek new possibilities
Interdependence
Habit 6—Paradigms 6
123
Habit
Synergize

73. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Habit 6—Principle
Paradigm
Big picture
Common end in mind
Vision of We
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Value differences
Shared success
Strengths-based
Shared leadership
Consideration/Courage
Result
Behavior 6
123
Habit
Synergize

74. “We actively seek out differing viewpoints.”
xQ Tells You…
“We actively seek out differing viewpoints.”
32% 6
124
Habit
Synergize

75. Value and Celebrate differences
Complete individually p.124
Professional Example
Partner up
Doubt we have time to do

76. WHAT SYNERGY IS AND IS NOT
Results-oriented, positive energy
Examining, exploring, and seeking different perspective openly enough to alter or complete your paradigm
Win-win cooperation
Mutually- agreed upon end in mind
Worth the effort
Highly effective
Disciplined process
Synergy is not:
A brainstorming free-for-all that leads nowhere
Accepting others’ ideas as full truth
Win-lose competition
Groupthink (giving in to peer pressure)
Always easy
Just a negotiation technique
p. 125

77. Keep in mind: Compromise is a low form of win-win!
Types of Interaction p.125
Keep in mind:
Compromise is a low form of win-win!
Nothing new created and both parties settle! 6
125
Habit
Synergize

78. Getting to Synergy p.126
Roundabout
p. 126 6
Habit
Synergize

79. to search for a solution what either of us has in mind?”
Step 1: Check Willingness
The Grand Synergy Question
. Check Willingness
“Would you be willing
to search for a solution
that is better than
what either of us has in mind?” 6
127
Habit
Synergize

80. What are Barriers to Synergy?
#1LACK TRUST
Lone cowboy
Lack openness to differences
Limited perspective
Tradition
Desire to be right
Misunderstandings
Lack shared vision
Time
Resources
Ego
Check Willingness!
p. 127

81. “Would you agree to a simple ground rule:
Step 2: Reflect Viewpoints
2. Reflect Viewpoints
“Would you agree to a simple ground rule:
I can’t make my point until I restate yours to your satisfaction;
you can’t make your point until you restate mine to my satisfaction?”
Talking Stick
Speaker/Listener
Complete p. 128 6
128
Habit
Synergize

82. 3. Create New Ideas
Step 3: Create NEW Ideas
SYNERGY
Once you’ve achieved mutual understanding, propose and refine alternatives. Keep refining and creating until you reach a Third Alternative. 6
129
Habit
Synergize

83. You’ve created a Third Alternative when you both:
Have a change of heart.
Feel new energy and excitement.
See things in a new way.
Feel the relationship has transformed.
End up with an idea that is better than what either of you started with.
How Do You Know? 6
129
Habit
Synergize

84. xQ Tells You…
“Our communication is energetic and creative, often leading to new or better ideas.”
36% 6
129
Habit
Synergize

85. SYNERGIZE Latex allergies??? End in mind: Rules for engagement:
Work as a team of 8-10 people
Get to a new location TOGETHER
Practice check, create, reflect
Rules for engagement:
In single file line
Balloons between
No hands or arms
Start over if balloon falls free
Before you start… anticipate and strategize

86. Complete p. 132-133 with your table mates
Teach to Learn
Complete p with your table mates

87. Seek First to Understand
Connections
Attitude
Habit 1
Be Proactive
Habit 4
Think Win-Win
Skill
Habit 2
Begin w/ the End in Mind
Habit 5
Seek First to Understand
Behavior
Habit 3
Put 1st Things 1st
Habit 6
Synergize

89. WHY YOUR HABITS MATTER
YOU are the core!
ME – WE – US! 1
Foundation

90. God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can,
and the wisdom to know,
it’s ME!