1. I lost the Presidency to Barack Obama.
I sold marijuana to the Catholic Pope Benedict XVI (“the 16th”).
I faked my death to ditch a “clingy” girlfriend.
I lost the Presidency to Barack Obama.
I was a spy for Taiwan, working in North Korea.
I have learned “shark language”, and can talk with sharks.
I founded

2. I met the Buddha on the road.
Stephen Spielberg wants me to act in his next movie!
I met the Buddha on the road.
I'll be hosting a TV talk show next month!
I can
read minds!
I have a pet
crocodile!
There's a ghost living in my house, and I talk with her every evening.