1. Tod Augusta-Scott www.bridgesinstitute.org Edmonton 2016
Restorative Justice and Narrative Therapy: Preparing men to heal/ repair the harms they created
Reflexivity
Tod Augusta-Scott
Edmonton 2016

2. Restorative Justice
Just outcomes: Repairing and healing the harms; restoring respect and safety
Not about repairing, healing intimate relationships
Not about face to face contact

3. Restorative Process Man or woman initiate contact
Both have individual, some have groups independent of each other
Counsellors communicate with each other
Contact: video, letters, s, face-to-face
Engage wider community

4. Restorative Justice For many women, just outcomes include:
Her (ex) partner acknowledging/ taking responsibility for what he did
Her (ex) partner developing a plan not to abuse again
Her (ex) partner acknowledging the effects of what he did
Her (ex) partner working to heal, repair the harms; restore woman’s safety and respect (Judith Herman, 2007)
Give examples of men taking responsibility in front of women; teen with baseball bat

5. Preparing men to heal/ repair harms they created
Re-authoring identity – taking responsibility; address mistakes; heal/ repair harms; respect and safety
Develop relapse prevention plan
Study the effects of abuse
Repair/ healing the effects; restore respect, safety

6. 1. Re-authoring identity
taking responsibility; address mistakes; heal/ repair harms; respect and safety
Taking responsibility leads to self-respect vs. self-defeat
Feeling bad about perpetrating abuse and feeling good about stopping it and healing/ repairing the effects

7. Re-authoring identity
Evil, Monster
Timeline

8. Re-authoring identity
Respect, fairness
Evil, Monster
Timeline

9. Re-authoring identity
Respect, fairness
Stories from men’s own experiences of injustice; men being responsible in the past
Evil, Monster
Timeline

10. 1. Reauthoring identity
Use men’s own experiences of oppression, childhood trauma, injustice – past and present
Use men’s shame
Use women’s abuse/ responsibility for their harmful choices
No excuse for abuse; two wrongs don’t make a right
Model how want to respond to hurt
Avoid creating a double standard.

11. Re-authoring identity A. Men’s own oppression/ experiences of injustice
What’s it like to be asked to take responsibility for how you are harming others, when no one is being asked to take responsibility for harming you?

12. Re-authoring identity A. Men’s own oppression/ experiences of injustice
Access multiple stories, stories of resistance to injustice; taking a stand against unfairness
Cultivate greater awareness of the effects of his abuse through his own experiences of abuse

13. Re-authoring Identity: B. Use men’s shame
What does it say about you that you feel bad about what you have done?
What would it say about you if you didn’t?
How much courage does it take to face behavior that you are not proud of?
Would you respect yourself more for facing up to the abuse/ shame or for avoiding it?

14. Re-authoring identity C. Use women’s use of abuse/ responsiblity
Developing men’s commitment to taking responsibility by acknowledging women’s abuse/ responsibility
Who is responsible for stopping your partner’s abusive behavior?
What would she have to do to take responsibility?
What would happen if she blamed you for her choices to use abuse in the relationship?
What would it mean if your partner could slow down and think about the effects of her choices on you?

15. C. Re-authoring identity Use women’s use of abuse/ responsiblity
So it sounds like your partner yelling at you is a warning sign that you need to slow down and remind yourself to take a time out?
How do you want to respond when your partner is being disrespectful?
When your partner is off track and going down the disrespect path, do you think you could hang on to your own value respect and stay on that path? Or would you be content to let go of your values and follow her down the disrespect path?
Do you think you could hold on to your value for respect even if your partner does not?

16. Man after attending first individual restorative session
“I just wanted to be with her and the kids to be happy and that was it. None of the rest was even on my mind. It’s just, I want to be together with my family, basically to be happy instead of depressed. But now I sit here and think about that [what he values in relationships]. Yeah this is what I wanted. Since I met her, this is what I wanted but it has never worked out that way. It is getting worse.”

17. Preparing men to heal/ repair harms they created
Re-authoring identity – taking responsibility; address mistakes; heal/ repair harms; respect and safety
Develop relapse prevention plan
Study the effects of abuse
Repair/ healing healing the effects; restore respect, safety

18. 2. Relapse prevention plan
What are the warning signs that precede abuse?
When you spot the warning signs, what do you need to remind yourself of re: your values and the costs?

19. 1. Values/ What’s important

20. Anger Drug Sex Excuses Justifications blaming
1. Values/ What’s important
2. Warning Signs
Anger
Drug
Sex
Excuses
Justifications
blaming
Pain

21. Pain 1. Values/ What’s important 3. Abuse “I don’t care”
2. Warning Signs
Anger
Drug
Sex
Excuses
Justifications
blaming
Pain

22. Pain 1. Values/ What’s important 3. Abuse “I don’t care”
2. Warning Signs
Anger
Drug
Sex
Excuses
Justifications
blaming
Pain
4. Effects

23. Pain 1. Values/ What’s important 3. Abuse “I don’t care”
2. Warning Signs
Anger
Drug
Sex
Excuses
Justifications
blaming
Pain
4. Effects

24. Pain 1. Values/ What’s important 3. Abuse “I don’t care”
5. Remind Myself
2. Warning Signs
Anger
Drug
Sex
Excuses
Justifications
blaming
Pain
4. Effects

25. Woman after attending restorative sessions with partner
“I feel safer knowing my partner is working towards understanding and controlling his abuse. I know counselling makes him a better listener and it allows me to express past hurts and to work on healing those wounds. It allows for honesty between us. It allows me to see my partner taking responsibility for his actions and thoughts.”

26. Preparing men to heal/ repair harms they created
Re-authoring identity – taking responsibility; address mistakes; heal/ repair harms; respect and safety
Develop relapse prevention plan
Study the effects of abuse
Repair/ healing the effects; restore respect, safety

27. 3. Studying the effects
How have your choices to abuse affected you? Your relationship? Your partner? Your children?
Contracting to listen and acknowledge effects
Acknowledge different experiences; intentions and effects may not be the same
Women’s anger

28. Man after attending restorative sessions with partner
“I know that I affected people in my family in a bad way with my abuse, but having my partner sit there and talk about it to other people makes me realize just how bad it really was. Taking responsibility for the abuse is a big step in healing yourself and your family.”

29. Woman after attending restorative sessions with partner
“Sometimes it’s just so much easier to talk by myself to a stranger or counselor. But so often the stuff I’m saying and feeling needs to be shared with my partner in order to understand and heal, to not let history repeat itself. But this kind of communication just wasn’t possible between us with so much pain and shame – yet it is necessary!! And can be done with the counsellors.”

30. Man after attending restorative sessions with partner
“We’re talking about stuff that I never really gave a shit about before. She’s talking about wanting more respect instead of her walking on eggshells because I yell all the time. She’s starting to talk with me. She’s saying, ‘This is what I want. When we go to our [restorative] meeting together, this is what I am going to say because this is what I feel.’

31. Man after attending restorative sessions with partner
“And that’s good she’s saying that because we never talked that way before. Before I was too busy with me and I didn’t even think she had any feelings. I don’t mean that in a bad way but that was the last place my head was.”

32. Preparing men to heal/ repair harms they created
Re-authoring identity – taking responsibility; address mistakes; heal/ repair harms; respect and safety
Develop relapse prevention plan
Study the effects of abuse
Repair/ healing the effects; restore respect, safety

33. 4. Repair/ heal the effects
What might help repair/ heal the harms?
Sexual respect
Economic respect
Listening
Sharing ideas
Parenting – messages for partner, for children

34. Woman after attending restorative sessions with partner
“Attending these sessions together certainly made me feel safer. The sessions provided a time for both of us to reflect on the abuse. For myself, having him hear and learn about the effects of his abuse and take responsibility is very important. In order for me to begin to trust him... It was great to have him know my feelings on the topic!”

35. Criteria for contact: Addressing Gender
Woman indicates she is safe; woman participating because she wants to rather than feeling pressured to participate
Woman defines the type of contact she wants
Woman expects him to focus on what she wants
Woman holds man 100% responsible for his choices rather than blaming herself for his choices
Woman feels safe and entitled to express her anger; woman not pressured to forgive man or make him feel better

36. Criteria for contact: Addressing Gender
Man taking 100% responsibility for his choices rather than blaming her for his choices
Man values respect, safety and equity rather than only wanting power and control
Man wants to hear from her and acknowledge her experience of his violence and the effects of it on her rather than deny, minimize it
Man wants to hear women’s anger rather than being defensive
Man wants to hear about what he can do to heal/ repair the harms he created
If the woman wants to hear, man wants to share his relapse prevention plan and his ideas about what he could do to heal/ repair the harms he’s created.

37. Defining Restorative PrinciplesRJ
Traditional
Principled
One-size-fits-all
Just outcomes: Heal/ repair harm
Just outcomes: Conviction/ punish
Woman violated/ woman defines harms and just outcomes
Law violated/ Judge defines harms and just outcomes
Man takes responsibility
Man avoids responsibility
Community active in taking responsibility/ accountability
Community passive in taking responsibility/ accountability
Process seeks to not create more harms
Process does little to consider if creating more harms
Victim-focused
Offender-focused
RJ - Principled approach – not a fixed/ one-size-fits-all model; not everyone meeting together in a circle, face-to face; not restoring intimate relationships
Just outcomes: Healing/ repairing the harms
Women: Define harms and solutions
Men: Supported to take responsibility to repair/ heal harms; restore/ create respect and safety
Community: Supported to take responsibility to repair/ heal harms; restore respect and safety
Just outcomes: Punishment/ retribution
Women: do not define harms/ just outcomes – the judge does; lawyer represents the state – not her
Men: Invited by criminal lawyers to avoid taking responsibility
Community: Excluded from the process; judge is sole representative; decreases effectiveness of accountability

38. Ideas that are barriers to Restorative Approaches
Men
Most men cannot/ will not/ do not change
Men change = manipulation
Cycle of violence
The primary result of violence is power and control; privilege; “it works”
Men only want/ value power and control – either/ or framework
Traditional low expectations of men

39. Ideas that are barriers to Restorative Approaches
Women
Most are at high risk of lethality
Most want to leave their partners
Most stay primarily out of fear
Most want no further contact, forever

40. Restorative Documentary: A Better Man
Attiya Khan, Co-Director
Sarah Polly, Executive Producer

41. The End Tod Augusta-Scott
Bridges – a domestic violence counselling, research and
training institute
Edmonton 2016