1. Practice Revisions
ESSAY WRITING 101

2. Sample 1: Introduction
“Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. Know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.” Ariana Grande. Ariana means that your flaws make you who you are and that sometimes these weaknesses can also be your strengths. This relates to the narrator in James Hurst’s The Scarlet Ibis because without his flaws, such as cruelty and pride, his younger, disabled brother Doodle wouldn’t have been able to swim, run, or even walk.

3. REVISED Sample 1: Introduction
“Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. Know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are” (Ariana Grande). Our flaws help to make us who we are, and sometimes, those weaknesses can also be our strengths. This relates to the narrator in James Hurst’s The Scarlet Ibis because, without the influence of his flaws, such as cruelty and pride, his younger, disabled brother, Doodle, would never have been able to swim, run, or even walk.

4. Sample 2: Body Paragraph
One of the narrator’s flaws is cruelty. He demonstrates this by pushing Doodle to touch his coffin “‘before I’ll help you down from the loft, you’re going to have to touch it’” (160). This reveals the narrator’s cruelty because Doodle cannot get down from the loft by himself and the narrator is using this advantage to emotionally hurt his brother by making him touch the coffin that was made for him when he was born. Doodle is forced to face the fact that his family thought he was going to die. Another way the narrator demonstrates cruelty is by running ahead of Doodle and “leaving him far behind with a wall of rain dividing us” (167). This reveals the narrator’s cruelty because of his frustration with Doodle’s inability perform the way he had planned him to. Doodle does not have enough strength to achieve the goals his brother had set for him that day. The narrator’s frustration leads to him leaving Doodle behind in the storm.

5. REVISED Sample 2: Body Paragraph
The narrator has a natural tendency to be mean. He demonstrates this when forcing Doodle to touch his own coffin, warning him, “‘Before I’ll help you down from the loft, you’re going to have to touch it’” (160). Doodle cannot get down from the loft by himself, and the narrator uses this advantage to emotionally hurt his brother by making him touch the coffin that was made for him when he was born. Doodle is forced to face the fact that his family thought he was going to die. The narrator also demonstrates cruelty when he runs ahead of Doodle in a storm, “leaving him far behind with a wall of rain dividing us” (167). Doodle does not have enough strength to achieve the goals his brother set for him that day. The narrator’s frustration impels him to him leave Doodle behind, caring not that Doodle is unable to see himself safely home.

6. Sample 3: Body Paragraph
In addition to cruelty, one more of the narrator’s flaws is pride. He exemplifies this as he pushes his brother to walk by standing “him on his feet at least a hundred times each afternoon” (161). This reveals the narrator’s pride because he spends hours trying to get his brother to walk. He doesn’t want others to think badly of him since his brother is weak and disabled. The narrator feels that others will look down on him because of his brother. The narrator’s pride is also shown by his planning to kill his brother because “it was bad enough having an invalid brother, but having one who possibly was not all there was unbearable” (158). This reveals the narrator’s pride because the thought of having a disabled brother is so horrid to him that he started planning murder. He would rather have no brother at all then have a disabled brother who ruined his reputation. He is completely ignoring the fact that Doodle is the one who is suffering most from his handicaps.

7. REVISED Sample 3: Body Paragraph
Not only is the narrator cruel, but he also thinks too highly of himself. He exemplifies this when planning to kill his brother since he believed that “it was bad enough having an invalid brother, but having one who possibly was not all there was unbearable” (158). The thought of having a disabled brother is so horrid to him that he starts planning a murder. He would rather have no brother at all than have one who is disabled and might his reputation. He is completely ignoring the fact that Doodle is the one who is suffering the most from his own handicaps. The narrator’s pride is also clear when he pushes Doodle to walk by standing him “on his feet at least a hundred times each afternoon” (161). He spends hours trying to make his brother walk because he doesn’t want others to think badly of him since his brother is weak and disabled. The narrator worries only that others will look down on him because of Doodle and never considers how his brother might feel.

8. Sample 4: Conclusion
In conclusion, the narrator developed into a better person. At first he had planned to kill Doodle, then he pushed Doodle to overcome his weaknesses and become stronger. The narrator came to love Doodle and pushed him to exceed expectations and to overcome his weaknesses. By the end of the story, when Doodle died, the narrator went back to look for Doodle after he had left him behind. When he found Doodle dead he protected his brother’s body from the rain and this shows that the narrator loved Doodle and without the narrator’s flaws of cruelty and pride, Doodle wouldn’t have lived the life he did.

9. REVISED Sample 4: Conclusion
In conclusion, the narrator ultimately develops into a better person. Though he first planned to kill Doodle and then pushed him too hard to overcome his weaknesses, the narrator came to love his brother and helped him to exceed his limited expectations. When Doodle dies because of his brother’s lack of care, the narrator returns to him and protects his brother’s body from the rain. He clearly has compassion for Doodle, something he never felt before. As a grown man telling his story, the narrator knows that his cruelty and pride ultimately helped Doodle to be a better person too.