1. Love – Throughout History, and today

2. Love continuum Anomaly: laughable or tragic
Desirable: Necessary for marriage

3. Similarities of the experience of love
Love is culturally prescribed
May have a biological basis BUT …
Experience will depend on historical/social/cultural conditions and gender
Expression will depend on historical/social/cultural conditions and gender
Similar emotional experiences are bred by similar practices
Societies control love
Probability of its occurrence
Its subjective experience
Its expression

4. How do societies control “love”
Child marriages
The story of Mapendo Simbeye – Malawi – Sub saharan Africa
Seclusion of the sexes
Harem
Strict prescriptions for the choice of mates
Spouses selected by committee of elders or community leaders
Supervision of “love” by the family
Introduction of young people and courtship
Life cycle stage control
encouragement of love only at certain social-demographic stages of life (“You are too young” or “You are already in your late twenties!” or “What? At that age????”)

5. When societies strictly controlled love: the good old love stories
High love drama
Modern conditions for social restrictions on love do not exist
Remaining restrictions are not severe enough to make “high drama”
Romantic comedies
Based on social status violations

6. How do we fall in love?

7. Durkheim’s theory of rituals
Face-to-face interaction
Focus on a common object
Shared emotional tone
High intensity interaction instrumental in intensifying the shared emotion
Emotionally charged symbols representing group membership
Delineation of “outsiders” and “insiders”

8. How do we fall in love? Love as a ritual
Interaction ritual, based on Durkheim’s theory of rituals
Face-to-face interaction
Focus on a common object
Shared emotional tone
High intensity interaction instrumental in intensifying the shared emotion
Symbols representing group membership
Consequences of violating symbols

9. Why doesn’t love last forever?
“But I think you also get used to love because by the time passes you do not feel the same excitement anymore or you do not feel so strong”

10. Ritual of love cannot last forever
Face-to-face interaction
Requirements of daily living
Focus on a common object
Other matters such as school or work requires shifting of focus
Shared emotional tone
High intensity interaction instrumental in intensifying the shared emotion
Lack of high intensity interaction will result in diminishing emotion
Symbols representing group membership
May be lasting with lasting consequences of violating symbols

11. WHO do we fall in love with?
Who do men fall in love with?
Who do women fall in love with?

12. Love as a process of exchange
Exchange between socially matched partners (propinquity and homophily)
Physical characteristics - attractiveness
Personality
Skills
Wealth
Proximity
The “value” of the partner must be approximately equal.
The subjective value of what each partner has to offer to the other

13. Love as a process of exchange
Finding some common discussible topics, finding pleasure in the same things and teaching one another new things that are not perceived before take times but the effort spent doing all things creates real and durable love.
Also I don’t believe that there is only one love for you which is horrible even think about like that. I think there are many people that you can fall in love with.

14. Properties that are valued by women
Provider-protector
Women are, on average more dependent on marriage than men
Companion
Long term relationship
Attractiveness

15. Properties that are valued by men
Potentially satisfactory sexual partner
Low level of need for long term commitment
Attractiveness
Men can afford “love at first sight”
Care-taker
Men expect certain returns to their economic support
Economic potential is not as important because of the expected roles in a relationship

16. How do women manage to “fall in love” with the right guy
Emotion work
The process of aligning one’s emotions with the dictates of the situation

17. Love is NOT blind
Social interactions occur among those of similar backgrounds
Social class restricts the “supply”
“Love” matches tend to occur between those who are similar
Homophily
Similarity in objective criteria
Education
Income
Religion
Similarity in “subjective” criteria
Attractiveness
Personality attributes

18. Informal Reading 1 Due Monday Feb 25
Available on Courseware