1. Understanding and Dealing with Challenging Students & Parents
Christine Schimmel, Ed.D., NCC, LPC
West Virginia University
Wayne County Board of Education
April 3, 2017

2. How We Change
Unconscious Incompetent Conscious Incompetent Conscious Competent Unconscious Competent

3. All Behavior Is Purposeful
Guiding Belief
All Behavior Is Purposeful

4. Glasser’s Explanation

5. HUNGRY ANGRY LONELY TIRED
H-A-L-T
HUNGRY ANGRY LONELY TIRED

6. Adler’s Explanation Again - All behavior is purposeful
Students see themselves as either discouraged or encouraged
Understanding difficult students is to understand
purposefulness of behavior and the students view of the world

7. 4 Goals of Misbehavior (see handout)
TYPICAL REACTION
HOW to HANDLE
Ignore; acknowledge
student when
behaving appropriately
Give Choices
Don’t take it personally
Use reflective listening
Encourage,
Encourage
ATTENTION
POWER
REVENGE
FEELING OF INADAQUACY
Feeling Annoyed
Feeling Angry
Feeling Hurt
Feelings of giving up

8. Consider the Power of Choices
Choices don’t have to be “do your work or don’t do your work”
Be creative in allowing students to choose
Choices don’t mean you give up control; if anything, choices give you more control
What are choices you can give in your setting?

9. What is Your Communication Style?
Giving IN
Giving ORDERS
Giving CHOICES
(Share your thoughts on your style!)

10. Trauma
We can no longer underestimate the number of children impacted by trauma and the effects that has on them!

11. Classroom Ideas for Helping Children Suffering from Trauma (see handout)
Deep Breathing
“How are you feeling?” Jar
Hand massage
Bucket Inventory
Trigger Lists (Grades 5- 12)

12. What is “TA” And How Can it Help with Parents & Students?
Transactional Analysis – Model of people & relationships; developed by Eric Berne
Assumptions:
We have 3 parts (ego states)
We converse with ourselves & others from these parts (that is where we get “transactional” – TA helps us understand transactions)

13. Educational TA can address issues of:
initial and continuing teacher education
institutional climate and culture
developmental and educational needs
self esteem building
parent education
student motivation
staff morale and teacher well-being
blocks to learning and teaching
behavior management
Retrieved from

14. TA Overview
Parent
Adult
Child

15. Parent Critical Parent Part Nurturing Parent Part “Do it now!”
“Didn’t I tell you once?”
“That is the worst I have ever seen!”
“Let me tell you something right now….”
“I appreciate it when you…”
“I knew you could do it!”
“Great job, folks!”

16. Child Not OK/ Angry/Rebellious/ Hurt Child Part Free/Fun Child Part
“Hey, let’s go hang out!”
“Let’s see what happens when we do this experiment!”
“Christmas break – YES!”
“I can’t do anything right!”
“Who do you think you are?”
“Shut up; I hate you!”
“You can’t make me!
“I don’t care!”

17. “You can choose A or B, or you can choose to go to the office, but I can’t let you continue to disrupt the rest of the class.”
Adult
THINK
“If I …..
then……”
“How can I help you feel better (calm yourself)?”
“I don’t like it, but I can stand it”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“I wish I could change it, but unfortunately I can’t.”
“Unfortunately, this student and I just don’t get along; what can I do to make it less painful for us both?”

18. The Look of a Simple Fight
Critical Parent
Critical Parent
Not OK Child
Not Ok Child

19. Want to Stay in your Adult? You will need some tools!
Use your shield
Use your filter

20. THREE Rs!
DON’T DO
REACT RETREAT
RETREAT RETHINK
RETHINK RESPOND

21. Common “non-Adult” sentences faculty tell themselves
I must reach every student & if I don’t it means I am a bad principal/teacher/staff member.
Kids should listen to me & if they don’t it means they are bad & they should be severely punished
Kids/parents should listen to me & if they don’t it means I am weak.
Every parent must approve of what I am doing & if they don’t it is awful & I can’t stand it!
I must be liked by all of my colleagues & if I am not (or if I feel I am not)-- it is terrible!

22. Key Sentences to Keeping me in my Adult
I can change the way I feel if I change what I am telling myself & only tell myself things that are true.
I can spare myself a lot of frustration & anger if I keep my expectations in line with reality.

23. Every Child Needs a Champion
Dr. Rita Pierson

24. What has been most helpful to you today?
What will you be more “conscious” of with regards to difficult students/parents?

25. Contact Information:
502-G Allen Hall
Morgantown, WV