1. Strengthening the Relationship with Your Child
Katherine Bair L.C.S.W.
Brenda Aguirre B.S.W.
Paige Stewart M.S.W.

2. Welcome and Introductions
Name
What program you work with
Think about a child you are fond of and think about a magical moment you had with them .

3. A DIFFERENCE THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE
30 YEARS OF RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT CHILDREN THAT ARE MORE SECURELY ATTACHED :
Enjoy more happiness with their parents
Feel less anger at their parents
Get along better with friends
Have stronger friendships
Are able solve problems with friends
Have better relationships with brothers and sisters
Have higher self-esteem
Know that most problems will have an answer
Trust that good things will come their way
Trust the people they love
Know how to be kind to those around them

4. Care Seeking (Attachment)
Instinct to seek proximity to a specific person who will comfort protect and/or organize
one’s feelings.

5. Care Giving
(Bonding)
Instinct to monitor a specific person, and to comfort, protect, and/or organize that person’s feelings when necessary.

6. Exploration
Instinct to follow one’s innate curiosity and desire for mastery, when it feels safe to do so.

7. Care Giving
(Bonding)
Instinct to monitor a specific person, and to comfort, protect, and/or organize that person’s feelings when necessary.

8. Support My Exploration
Circle of Security™
Parent Attending to the Child’s Needs
I need you to
I need you to
Watch over me
Help me
Enjoy with me
Delight in me
HAVEN
SAFE
SECURE
BASE
Support My Exploration
I need you to
I need you to
Welcome My Coming To You
Protect me
Comfort me
Delight in me
Organize my feelings
© Cooper. Hoffman, Marvin & Powell 2000

9. Boulder Boy and Dad OK Not OK OK Not OK Coming in on the Circle
Going out on the Circle

10. Cue
A direct or indirect signal from the child for a specific need to be met

11.  Miscue
A misleading or contradictory cue used to protect the child from the pain of having a specific need exposed and/or unmet

12. Circle of Limited Security
Child Attending to the Parent’s Needs
THAT MAKES US
UNCOMFORTABLE
SO...
I MISCUE YOU
AND...
I NEED COMFORT AND/OR
I ACT LIKE
PROTECTION
I NEED SUPPORT FOR EXPLORATION BUT…
SECURE
BASE
HAVEN
SAFE
© Cooper. Hoffman, Marvin & Powell 2000

13. Circle of Limited Security Child Attending to the Parent’s Needs
HAVEN
SAFE
SECURE
BASE
I NEED YOU TO WELCOME MY COMING TO YOU BUT…
THAT MAKES US
UNCOMFORTABLE
SO...
ACTING LIKE
I NEED TO
EXPLORE
OR BE
DISTANT
I MISCUE YOU ABOUT
MY NEED BY...
© Cooper. Hoffman, Marvin & Powell 2000

14. CIRCLE OF DISORGANIZATION
I need you but you are so frightened or frightening that I have no one to turn to and I don’t know what to do.
© Cooper. Hoffman, Marvin & Powell 2000

16. Support My Exploration
Circle of Security™
Parent Attending to the Child’s Needs
I need you to
I need you to
Watch over me
Help me
Enjoy with me
Delight in me
HAVEN
SAFE
SECURE
BASE
Support My Exploration
I need you to
I need you to
Welcome My Coming To You
Protect me
Comfort me
Delight in me
Organize my feelings
© Cooper. Hoffman, Marvin & Powell 2000

19. Connection vs. Attention
Unconditional Love
Connection vs. Attention

20. Think of a child who you felt was asking for attention
What was their behavior telling you ?

21. What was that child really needing?

22. How does an adult usually respond when they see a child as needing attenion?

23. How might an adult respond when they see a child as needing connection?

24. How as parent educators can we help parents see what their child’s behavior is telling us?

25. CIRCLE OF SECURITY HAVEN SAFE SECURE BASE
PARENT BEING HELD WHILE HOLDING THE CHILD
I need you to...
Watch over me
Delight in me
Help me
Enjoy with me
SECURE
BASE
Support My Exploration
HAVEN
SAFE
I need you to...
Welcome My Coming To You
Protect me
Comfort me
Delight in me
Organize my feelings
© 2002 Cooper, Hoffman, Marvin & Powell