1. Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Warning: this lesson covers topics some students may find distressing.
Please let me know at any time if you need a break and a safe space.

2. Behaviours in Relationships
Positive
Negative
See worksheet This may cause debate with some examples (eg. some students may like their partner texting everyday; others may find this intrusive) - encourage students to think about “communication and consent” Students can add their own examples

3. What are some of your deal-breakers?
We all have different needs in a relationship
Some things can be negotiated
Some things are non-negotiable
We all have different deal-breakers: some are major and pretty much universal; others are more personal
I once dated a man who was a keen beekeeper - and I’m terrified of bees! I don’t know how we would have been able to cope with that.

4. CHANGING NEGATIVE BEHAVIOURS
Jamie’s noticed Robin has been acting strangely- Robin is busier than usual, and doesn’t seem to want to spend much time with Jamie. However, they seem fine around everyone else, and Jamie is worried that Robin might be cheating. Jamie reads Robin’s phone messages without permission
CHANGING NEGATIVE BEHAVIOURS
Identify the behaviour
Understand the reasons why you engage in the behaviour
What can you do to change the behaviour?
Jamie should stop looking at Robin’s messages, first of all. Jamie should also ask Robin what’s going on, and both of them should openly communicate any issues and their feelings
It’s motivated by insecurity over the change in their relationship, and the lack of communication about why this change has happened
Jamie’s behaviour is an invasion of Robin’s privacy
Students to use flow chart and model to address either a negative behaviour of their own or one of the things they put in the “negative” column

5. Recognising Abuse
Warning:
This section covers topics some students may find distressing.
Please let me know at any time if you need a break and a safe space.
What one word would you use to sum up relationship abuse?
Abuse isn’t always physical violence
The This Is Abuse/Hollyoaks series of videos are a further great resource for this:

6. Minimising/denying blame
Abuse
Peer pressure
Emotional abuse
Using social status
Intimidation
Minimising/denying blame
Threats
Isolation/ exclusion
Sexual coercion
Students to complete spider diagram, adding examples of types of behaviour to each spoke

7. Abusers are not abusive 100% of the time
This can make it hard to leave, or get help

8. Sam and Ali have been having a few arguments lately – and Sam’s taken to shoving Ali, or throwing objects around the room. Sam always apologises afterwards.
Ali should forgive Sam- after all, they do say sorry!
Ali should leave. If they stay, it’s their own fault if the abuse continues.
Ali should ask Sam to go to relationship counselling to fix the problems.
Ali should avoid picking fights with Sam.
What advice would you give?
What’s wrong with this advice?
Whose behaviour needs to change?
Remember though- Ali might still need support
If you’re worried about your own behaviour in a relationship, you can contact Respect for help
The victim of abuse is NEVER to blame for their abuser’s behaviour
When the target of abuse is blamed for the abuser’s behaviour
Victim blaming

9. An apology does not fix violent behaviour.
Sam and Ali have been having a few arguments lately – and Sam’s taken to shoving Ali, or throwing objects around the room. Sam always apologises afterwards.
An apology does not fix violent behaviour.
Sam needs to seek help to change their behaviour.
Ali may wish to consider leaving the relationship, and may need support to do so.

10. What abusive behaviours can you spot?

11. Getting help The National Domestic Violence Helpline
Contact 999 if you are in immediate danger
The National Domestic Violence Helpline
The ‘This Is Abuse’ campaign has a detailed list of organisations you can contact for help
Broken Rainbow provides support to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in abusive relationships
It is important to make this section available to students without them having to ask for it. Printing this slide as a compulsory handout, or making the information available on the school website are two ways to approach this. You could also include local organisations who can help with domestic abuse.

12. What extra information do we need to know?
Explore each situation
How could the scenarios alter depending on the behaviours of the people involved?
What extra information do we need to know?
What information do you think each person in the scenario needs to know?
Extension: write a scenario of your own.
Show how it can have a positive outcome or a negative outcome, depending on the behaviours of each person.
What advice would you give each couple?
Students should consider all the ways the scenario could differ. Gender neutral names are used- encourage students to think about the different gender make ups of the relationships- does this change things? (Short answer, no, except possibly in Jay and Kai’s case if Kai is not out to their parents.) Also encourage students to think about how societal perceptions of gender might influence feelings (eg. If Ali is male, he may feel embarrassed seeking help- encourage students to understand this and advise accordingly.) The following slides show aspects for the students to consider: worksheets available

13. Are the two connected?
Ask or demand?
Taylor should not feel pressured to have sex.
Cam buys Taylor an expensive video game. Later that night, Cam asks for sex.
Interactive game:

14. Jay and Kai have been dating for three months
Jay and Kai have been dating for three months. Jay wants to meet Kai’s parents, but Kai says, “I’m just not ready.”
What are some valid reasons Kai might not want Jay to meet their parents?

15. Harper has sent Kel some nude photos – Kel’s friends know this, and have asked to see the pictures.
Kel should not show the photos to anyone, under any circumstances and should tell their friends their request is wrong.
If Harper is under 18 and Kel sends the photos, Kel could be charged with distributing child pornography.
Interactive game:

16. Consent cannot be fully given if one party is not sober.
Nic and Lou go to a party, where Nic gets drunk. They end up in a situation where sex seems likely.
Consent cannot be fully given if one party is not sober.
They should wait to discuss this when they are both sober.
Interactive game:

17. One minute advice Let’s share our ideas
You have one minute to write, speak, or sketch advice to someone about to start dating
Let’s share our ideas