1. Lesbian couples in Rome.
1st International Conference Queering Partnering
30-31 March - University of Coimbra
Lesbian couples in Rome.
Queering family meals?
Tatiana Motterle

2. The Italian context
Act 164/1982 on rectification of sexual attribution
Act 216/2003 against discrimination based on sexual orientation in the workplace
(Cirinnà Bill on civil unions)

3. Participants Alice, 40-45, lesbian, unemployed, living with partner
Fiore, 25-29, lesbian, student, living with a friend
Ipazia, 35-39, bisexual, freelance, living with others
Lenù, 25-29, bisexual, unemployed/precarious, living with partner and friend
Vittoria, 30-34, lesbian, full-time job, living alone

4. Issues Coming out to families of origin
Ideals and practices regarding the couple

5. Coming out to family of origin
Importance of the relationship with the family
In/visibility strategies through the couple

6. Importance of the relationship with the family
It may seem that you don’t give a fuck, but actually, you care about your family. (...) It’s almost instinctive, isn’t it? Maybe it’s also social. (...) Unfortunately family approval is really the first one, the most primordial, most archaic one. Lenù
The people who should understand you better actually belong to your family, those who gave you birth should be the ones who support you. And when they don’t, it’s complicated, it’s an inner conflict. Because you know that if you tell them, you could break something. But if you don’t, something inside you breaks, because you’re not free to be who you really are.
Vittoria

7. Importance of the relationship with the family
I was really excited when I started my relationship with Ambra, so excited that I immediately told my mother. Ipazia
I had been dating this person for some months, so I decided to (...) tell my family, tell my friends.
Vittoria

8. In/visibility strategies through the couple
In-your-face visibility
Banalization of the revelation

9. In-your-face visibility
I told her «This is a prejudice!» «Well, sometimes you need to have prejudices.» I was shocked and from then on I... I tried to let my mother know fewer and fewer things, because... I didn’t want to... I mean... I didn’t want to be myself the victim of her prejudices.
Then I told her: «I surely cannot give up my happiness for yours, I’m sorry».
Lenù

10. Banalization of the revelation
Let’s say that that was precisely the entrance [of Anna into the family of Ipazia’s father]. Without talking about it, I take my partner to your home, not as a friend.
I’ve always taken for granted that they would understand, I mean, it’s not my problem, if you want to know, just ask – that’s my opinion.
Ipazia

11. The Couple
The “adult relationship”
A teleological narrative

12. The “adult relationship”
Ours is a full-fledged marriage. (...) I mean, our relationship is easy, simple, without dramas (...) it’s an ordinary relationship in the sense that we have the same problems every other couple dealing with everyday life have.
Olivia is the only person I never cheated on. She is the adult relationship of my life. (…) It’s an absolutely exclusive relationship.
Alice

13. The “adult relationship”
Yes, I’ve been cheating on Anna, several times. I almost had a relationship with a girl, too. (...) But I never put into discussion my relationship with Anna.
Ipazia

14. A teleological narrative
Alison Bechdel, “To All the Girls I left Before”, Journal of Lesbian Studies, 8 (3-4), 2004
So far I haven’t found the person yet… the person with capital P.
Ipazia

15. Friends and families of choice
I have a family [there] and I have also a family here. It doesn’t necessarily have to be just about Noe, it can be about my friends, the people I feel good with.
Lenù

16. [Examples of “family life”] mainly have to do with lunches and dinners, the familial situation par excellance. (...) So we were in the kitchen, eating (…) and Maria said “You look like a family à la Özpetek, you actually look like the people of Saturn in Opposition” (…) This thing made me proud (…). It means that (…) the people I love, with whom I live (…) they are my life, [it means that] we were able to convey this.
Lenù

17. Couple at the centre
“[I]nterviewees identified their friends, or a combination of friends, partner, children, and family, as the most important people in their lives. This meant that very few people constructed the sexual/love relationship as the exclusive space of intimacy in their lives.” (Roseneil 2007: 93)

18. Conclusions Centrality of the couple
Romantic narrative of intimate relationships

19. Conclusions Preserving the relationship with the family
Families of origin and families of choice in Southern Europe

20. Thank you