1. McGraw Hill Handbook Chapter 38
Wordy Sentences
McGraw Hill Handbook
Chapter 38

2. Wordy Sentences
Wordiness—using more words than one needs to express one’s ideas—is an issue even for experienced writers.

3. Making Your Writing More Concise
Concise is an adjective that means to express much in few words; to be clear and to the point.

4. Here are a few ways to make your writing more concise.

5. How to make your writing more concise
1. Recognize and eliminate wordy phrases and empty words

6. Example: Wordy phrases
The fact is that at this point in time more women than men attend college.

7. Example: Wordy phrases
The fact is that at this point in time more women than men attend college.

8. Example: Wordy phrases
The fact is that at this point in time More women than men now attend college.

9. Example: Wordy phrases
More women than men now attend college.

10. Example: Empty Words
Total college enrollments have increased steadily upward since the 1940s, but since the 1970s women have enrolled in greater numbers than men have.

11. Example: Empty Words
Total college enrollments have increased steadily upward since the 1940s, but since the 1970s women have enrolled in greater numbers than men have.

12. Example: Empty Words
Total college enrollments have increased steadily since the 1940s, but since the 1970s women have enrolled in greater numbers than men.

13. How to make your writing more concise
2. Recognize and eliminate unnecessary repetition.

14. Example: Unnecessary Repetition
She is writing a fictional historical novel set in the past about Anne Hutchinson and the settling of Rhode Island.

15. Example: Unnecessary Repetition
She is writing a fictional historical novel set in the past about Anne Hutchinson and the settling of Rhode Island.

16. From the Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
What is wrong with these often used phrases?
Joined together Final result Few in number Blue in color Past history. Refer back Small in size Cooperate together

17. How to make your writing more concise
3. Recognize and revise constructions built around weak verbs and nouns derived from verbs.

18. Example: Weak Verbs
There were millions of people who donated generously to help victims of the earthquake.

19. Example: Weak Verbs
There were millions of people who donated generously to help victims of the earthquake.

20. Example: Strong Verbs
Millions of people donated generously to help victims of the earthquake.

21. Example: Strong Verbs
The valley was surveyed by the archaeologists for the purpose of locating sites that had been occupied by the Incas.

22. Example: Strong Verbs
Archaeologists surveyed the valley for Inca sites.

23. How to make your writing more concise
4. Recognize opportunities to reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to words.

24. Example: Reducing clauses to phrases and phrases to words.
The film Dirty Pretty Things, which was directed by Stephen Frears, portrays the struggles of illegal immigrants in London.

25. Example: Reducing clauses to phrases and phrases to words.
The film Dirty Pretty Things, which was directed by Stephen Frears, portrays the struggles of illegal immigrants in London. OR

26. Example: Reducing clauses to phrases and phrases to words.
Stephen Frears’ film Dirty Pretty Things portrays the struggles of illegal immigrants in London.

27. How to make your writing more concise
5. Recognize opportunities to combine several repetitive sentences into one more concise sentence.

28. Example: Sentence Combining
Little Red Riding Hood crossed the river. After that, she walked through the woods to Grandmother’s house.

29. Example: Sentence Combining
Little Red Riding Hood went over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house.

30. Questions?