1. Conflict Resolution and Management

2. Think of a time when you were angry with…
A coworker
A family member
A friend
Keep that in mind as we go through this class!

3. Is anger a primary or secondary emotion?
Ask students this question and let them answer. In other words, is anger the first or second thing you feel when a person upsets you?

4. Is anger a primary or secondary emotion?
Anger is a secondary emotion to hurt and fear
Hurt/Fear
Anger
The root of most anger is hurt and fear. Anytime someone makes you angry, their emotion comes from these two places

5. Anger Anger Anger Anger Hurt/Fear
Instructor: give an example of when someone made you angry. The example should be one where you held in your emotions and took it out on the person in non direct ways. The example of the tree is to show that the root is hurt/fear and anger becomes the branches. You can cut off each branch by getting mad at the person over other things but until you address the root, the branches will grow back.
Hurt/Fear

6. If you want to take care of the anger, address the root
Hurt/Fear

7. 3 Styles of Communication

8. 3 Styles of Communication
Assertive (Drivers, Analyticals, Expressives)
Aggressive (Drivers, Analyticals, Expressives)
Passive Aggressive (Amiables)
There are various personality styles. Drivers are the types that get things done, don’t socialize, and show less emotion. Analyticals are the perfectionists. They are detail oriented, don’t socialize, and are task oriented. Expressives are louder, sociable, dramatic, and thrive on attention. These personality types have a tendency tobe assertive and aggressive. Amiables are the sweet sensitive type. They are constantly emotionally available. They are concerned with maintaining good relationships and therefore avoid conflict. They have a tendency to be passive aggressive.
Ask students if they really know the difference between these styles of communication (passive aggressive, assertive, aggressive). Ask them to give you examples. After you discuss this with them, show them this video .

9. What does it mean to be…? Passive Aggressive Aggressive Assertive
Give some examples!
Passive Aggressive: being indirect, Are you ok? YES!, sarcasm, avoiding the topic, showing feelings through body language (sighing, rolling eyes, shutting door), leaving etc
Aggressive: bringing thing up from 1980, threat, demeaning, name calling, putting the other person down while elevating yourself
Assertive: direct, open, honest, equal

10. Sample Personality Styles
Make it a point to show that in caregiving careers amiable make up from 60-90% of the staff. Ask them, what kind of communication and environment does this create?

11. Dynamics of the Communication Styles
Assertive
Aggressive
P/A
P/A
Assertive
Aggressive
Helen tells another coworker to stop pressing her ear up against the door of the managers office. The sneaky coworker responds, “Shut up! This is none of your business.” Helen retreats to her desk. Later that day Helen tells the manager, “Don’t tell anybody else but Kate was listening in on you.” The manager confronts Kate and tells her to stop. Kate is now mad at Helen. Who is to blame for the outcome of this scenario? Why? Demonstrate that when someone is being assertive and they are met with aggression, the assertive party becomes passive aggressive.

12. Passive Aggressiveness
What is Said  Drama  Primary Emotion  Secondary Emotion
Assertive
Aggressiveness
Example: As a lecturer I often teach at places that offer food to their coworkers. One day I bit into a blueberry muffin and there was plastic baked into it. I quickly threw it out and removed the other muffins of its kind from the tray. Apparently, I missed one. A large woman found the one blueberry muffin and proceeded to eat it. I saw her about to put it in her mouth and I said, “you shouldn’t be eating that blueberry muffin.” The woman heard what I said, made the drama that I was calling her fat, felt hurt, then angry…then told me off in front of the class. I also became angry and I’m more passive aggressive so I let her eat the blueberry muffin. She later understood why I told her not to eat it. Use this example or one like it to demostrate the model above.

13. Passive Aggressiveness
Trust
Assertive
In order to have assertive conversations you must create trust in that person. If the person doesn’t feel this, they will move into aggression or passive aggressiveness.
Trust
Aggressiveness

14. Technique

15. Steps to Assertiveness
1. What do you want?
2. Watch for clues
3. Restore trust and safety
4. What is your drama?
5. Logos/Pathos/Ethos
6. Goals
This is the model on how to build assertiveness. Encourage students to write each step out the next time they get angry. Writing is more reflective, which tends to produce better results.

16. Step 1: Think Before You Speak
Be reflective
Write things out
Answer these questions:
What is my ultimate goal?
What do I want for the other person and relationship?

17. Step 2: Recognize Conflict
There are signs that tell you that warn you that a conflict is about to occur:
Passive Aggressive
Aggressive
When these signs happen, stop the conversation.

18. Why does this happen? Lack of trust
Fear that the other person is trying to hurt them
Fear that the other person is trying to attack
You have to let them know that you are not trying to hurt them or scare them…make them feel safe with you again

19. Step 3: Bringing them back to safety
If you catch yourself, apologize
If the other person starts to attack, control, or label…..redirect/regroup
Regrouping is a set of words that rewinds their drama and clarifies your statement.

20. Regrouping I don’t want you to think……. I do need you to know……
I didn’t mean it that way….
What I meant was…..
That wasn’t my intention
This is my intention

21. Passive Aggressiveness
What is Said  Drama  Primary Emotion  Secondary Emotion
Assertive
Aggressiveness
By saying these phrases you are rewinding the misinterpretation to what is really meant

22. Example 1
Your daughter is dating someone who has a rap sheet as thick as a 1 inch binder. You say to your daughter, “sweetheart, I need to talk to you about your boyfriend. I don’t really think he is a good idea.”
Your daughter responds, “THERE YOU GO AGAIN….always trying to CONTROL my life!”
Regroup and redirect

23. Now your daughter says…..
“Why do you always take everything I love away from me!?”
Regroup and redirect

24. Example 2
Your employee asks you for Friday off but 2 other employees requested the day off a few days ago. You deny their request…”I’m sorry but I can’t give you the day off. We need coverage and these other employees asked for the time off”
Employee responds: “Great….why is it that you are lenient towards everyone else but ME”

25. Example 2 Regroup and redirect
They say “Well is THIS how you reward my loyalty? You have a funny way of showing appreciation!”

26. Example 3
You see that employee from example 2 later that day. They are withdrawn. When you ask them “Are you ok?” They say FINE
How do you regroup this?
Its not my intention to keep asking but I see these behaviors…..it is my intention to resolve the issue and make sure you and I are good.

27. Step 4: What is your drama?
What is said
Drama
The way you interpret situations speaks volumes about your perception. The drama are the self esteem issues. Whenever someone makes you mad, write down what they said, your drama, and come up with interpretations. Train yourself to ask the person, What do you mean?
Interpretation 1
Interpretation 4
Interpretation 2
Interpretation 3

28. Step 5: Logos, Pathos, Ethos
Logos: Always begin your conversation by stating the facts
Pathos: tell your side of the story (your drama)
Ethos: be ethical and ask for the other persons opinion
Talk about it
Set goals

29. Goals Make sure that everyone knows the answers to the following: Who
What
When
Where
Why
How