1. Bullying Workshop Presentation by: Mary Boncher, PTA Psychologist
Joshua Goldstein, School Counselor
February 10, 2017

2. Goals of Bullying Workshop
Have a common understanding as parents and school
of what bullying is
what it is not
Understand the roles played in bullying situations
Have some strategies for intervention
Know where to access Board of Educations regulations at schools.nyc.gov/respectforall

3. Role Plays Challenging peer situations Bullying situations
The space in between
Questions to ask to sort out if it is bullying

4. What is Bullying? Unwanted, aggressive behavior
Involves an imbalance of power
Behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time

5. Imbalance of Power
Kids who bully use their power, such as popularity, strength or wealth, cognitive ability
They use this imbalance of power to intentionally harm or control others

6. Types of Bullying Physical hitting a person’s body or possession
taking someone’s things,
spitting
making mean or rude hand gestures
damaging /destroying someone’s property
Social/Relational
done with the intent of hurting someone’s reputation
embarrassing someone
leaving someone out
telling others not to be friends with that person
saying or writing mean things
Verbal
threatening to cause harm
inappropriate sexual gestures
teasing, name calling
D. Cyberbullying

7. Teasing versus Bullying
Teasing can be annoying and upsetting
Not intended to gain power over another person or to do harm
Teasing can be playful
Teasing is not okay if either person finds it hurtful

8. Roles Kids Play in Bullying Situation
Can be the bully
Can be the one being bullied
Can witness the bullying
Kids can play more than one role
Important not to label the kids
- send message that kids cannot change
-fail to recognize multiple roles kids can play
-disregards other factors (peer influence)

9. BULLIES

10. Common traits of Bullies
Like to dominate other people
Like to use other people to get what they want
Find it hard to see a situation from other person’s perspective
Concerned only with own wants
Tend to hurt other kids when adults are not around
View weaker kids as prey
Use blame, criticism, and false allegations to project their own inadequacies onto target
Lack foresight – ability to consider consequences
Crave attention
Holds contempt for target
Masking deep hurt feelings and inadequacy
Learn to be bullies by the way they were treated by bigger and more powerful people in their lives

11. Children More Likely to Bully Others
Are aggressive and easily frustrated
Have less involved parents or having issues at home
Think badly of others
Have difficulty following rules
View violence in a positive way
Have other friends who bully

12. Types of Bullies
Confident bully – big ego, sense of entitlement, powerful
Social bully – uses rumor, gossip, verbal taunts and shunning
Fully armored bully – cool and detached, shows little emotions,vicious and vindictive
Hyperactive bully - poorly developed social skills, does not process social cues accurately, often reads hostile intent into other kids’ innocent actions
Bullied bully – motivated by feelings of powerlessness
Bunch of bullies – group of friends who collectively do something they would never do individually
Gang of bullies – strategic alliance in pursuit of power, control,
    Domination, subjugation, turf

13. Consequences of Bullying
On Bullies
Become reinforced in not taking responsibility for behaviors
Reinforced in not taking alternative perspectives or exercising empathy
Higher likelihood of underachievement in academic setting.
More likely to have difficulty in relationships across a life time
More likely to become abusive spouses or parents
More likely to engage in criminal activities as adults.

14. Signs Your Child May be Bullying Others
Blame others for their problems
Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity 
Get into physical or verbal fights
Have friends who bully others
Are increasingly aggressive
Get sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
Have unexplained extra money or new belongings

15. The Victim

16. Children at Risk of Being Bullied
Seen as different by peer (overweight, new kid at school, different clothing, can’t afford to wear what others do, food allergy, medical condition)
Are less popular than others and have few friends
Are depressed, anxious, or have low self esteem
Are perceived as weak and unable to defend themselves
Do not get along with others and seen as annoying

17. Why Kids Don’t Ask for Help
Bullying can make a child feel helpless.
Don’t think anyone can help
Kids are afraid they are tattling
Have learned that ratting on peers is bad and not cool
Kids may fear retaliation from the kid who bullied them.
Shame
Bullying can be a humiliating experience.
Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false.
They may fear that adults will judge or punish them for being weak.
Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated.
They may feel like no one cares or could understand.
Don’t think anyone will help. Kids may fear being rejected by their peers.
Friends can help protect kids from bullying.
Kids can fear losing this support.
Have bought into belief that bullying is part of growing up
Have been bullied by adults

18. Consequences of Bullying
On Victims: (1)
low self esteem
depression and anxiety:
increased feelings of sadness and loneliness,
changes in sleep and eating patterns,
loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy.
health complaints
missing school

19. Consequences of Bullying
On Victims: (2)
decreased school attendance and participation
decreased academic achievement—
GPA
standardized test scores
They are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.
more likely to drop out of school
becoming aggressive/vengeful themselves
contemplating suicide

20. Warning Signs that Your Child may be being bullied
Unexplainable injuries
Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

21. The Bystander

22. The bystander aid the bully through acts of omission and commission
stand idly by
actively encourage the bully
join in
Increase the stress of the target

23. Consequences of Bullying
On Bystanders
Self-respect and self-esteem eroded by not taking a moral stand
complicity in allowing bullying to occur
sets conditions to become full-fledged bullies
become reinforced in not showing empathy for others
not learning to take accountability

24. Helping the Bystander
1.Discuss with bystander child role he/she might have played
Follower/henchmen-take an active part but do not initiate 
Supporter -support bullying, do not take an active part
Passive supporters- like the bullying, do not display open support 
Disengaged onlookers – watch, say “it is none of my business.”
Possible defender- dislike the bullying, think they should help but don’t
Defender of the Target - dislike the bullying, help or try to help the target

25. Research shows that…
peers were involved in 85% of the bullying episodes
peers reinforced the bullying in 81% of the episodes
peers were more respectful and friendly towards the bullies than the targets
peers were active participants in 48% of the episodes
peers intervened in only 13% of the episodes

26. Why stand by and watch? fear of getting hurt
fear of becoming a new target
fear of doing something that will make the situation worse
not know what to do

27. Bystanders have excuses
the bully is my friend
it’s not my problem
she’s not my friend
he’s a loser
she deserved it-had it coming
bullying will toughen him up
they’re the in-group

28. INTERVENTIONS

29. What to do if you suspect your child is bullying others
Intervene immediately
Talk to your child, calmly.
Address why child might be engaging in bullying behavior.
Explain why bullying behavior is unacceptable for self and victims
Show child what he has done wrong.
Help child establish ownership of the problem
Establish rules and consequences regarding aggressive behaviors
Offer a process for solving the problem created
Discuss alternatives to aggressive behavior
Teach alternative to bullying behaviors
Create opportunities to do good
Praise for use of alternative behavior
Nurture empathy
Teach friendship skills
Monitor child's TV viewing and video game playing
Help engage child in more creative activities

30. Helping the Bullied Child
DO'S
Actively listen
Convey support
Let child know it is not his/her fault
Let child know there are things he/she can do
Help child process feelings and distinguish telling from tattling
Report bullying to school personnel
DON’T'S
Minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bullying
Rush to solve problem
Tell the child to avoid the bully
Tell the child to fight back
Confront the bully or the bully's parents alone

31. Antidotes to Bullying A strong sense of self
Teach ways to have make and keep friends
Teach ways to join and work in a group
Teach problem solving skills
Teach conflict resolution skills

32. HELPING THE BY STANDER Identify bystander role played
Teach that there is no innocent bystander
Remember that helping bystanders take a stand against bullying is crucial to sopping bullying
Help child re cognize they are responsible for creating
Safety
Respect
Bully-free environment

33. Pledge Pledge to be part of the solution
Eliminate taunting from own behavior
Encourage others to do the same
Do part to make community a safe place by being more sensitive to others
Set an example of a caring  individual
Eliminate profanity towards others from language
Not let words and actions hurt others.

34. Create a Caring School Community
A. Partner with the School
B. Become familiar with the anti-bullying policy at child’s school 
C. Discuss school rules and behavior expectations with your child.