1. PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE, ASSERTIVE
STYLES OF RESPONSE
PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE, ASSERTIVE

2. STYLE OF RESPONSE AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE PASSIVE
3 Basic styles of responding to situations:
AGGRESSIVE
ASSERTIVE
PASSIVE

3. AGGRESSIVE RESPONSES
When a person speaks up, gets their way or responds verbally using a forceful manner and at the expense of the other person’s feelings, rights or point of view
Language used often includes “you” messages, exclamation points and is insulting causing the other person to feel the need to be defensive:
“You’re such a jerk!!”

4. PASSIVE RESPONSES
When a person does not speak up, does not voice his/her opinion, gives in to another or gives up if they initially resist pressure; goes along with what others want to do
Language used might sound like:
“Well, alright, I guess so...”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea but, well, okay...”

5. “I’m upset because you didn’t call me back.”
ASSERTIVE RESPONSES
When a person confidently speaks up, states his/her wishes or opinion in a manner that respects others points of view; does not give in and does not insult
Language used often includes “I” statements where the person states their opinion/wishes starting with “I”:
“I’m upset because you didn’t call me back.”

6. “I” Statements/Messages
Assertive language….helpful in setting boundaries…prevents building of resentment
Example of a formula for “I” statements:
“I feel ____________
when you ___________
because _____________.
I’d appreciate it if you would ______________.
“I feel” and “When you” can be reversed:
“When you borrow my clothes without asking, I feel angry because I can’t find them when I want them. I’d appreciate it if you would ask first.”

7. SUMMING UP RESPONSE STYLES
ASSERTIVE: “I COUNT, YOU COUNT.”
AGGRESSIVE:
“I COUNT, YOU DON’T COUNT.”
PASSIVEAGGRESSIVE:
“I COUNT, YOU DON’T BUT I’M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.”
PASSIVE:
“I DON’T COUNT, YOU COUNT.”

8. BODY LANGUAGE AND RESPONSE STYLES
POSTURE, BODY LANGUAGE
PASSIVE
AGGRESSIVE
ASSERTIVE
Show poor posture
Don’t have eye contact
Present a stiff body
Lean forward
Stare
Make fist or stamp foot
Stand up straight
Good eye contact
Be sure of yourself

9. CONFLICT
CONFLICT – is neither good nor bad in itself…it’s how we handle it and how we feel about the outcome
PSEUDOCONFLICT - Misunderstandings over facts
REAL CONFLICTS – When 2 people differ over what is right and wrong…When people want the same resources (time, money, possessions)

10. MANAGING CONFLICT – RESPONSE STYLES
AVOID/DENY PASSIVE LOSE/WIN
ACCOMMODATE PASSIVE LOSE/WIN
TRY TO OVERCOME AGGRESSIVE LOSE/WIN or WIN/LOSE
WITHDRAW/SAY NO PASSIVE OR ASSERTIVE WIN/LOSE
COMPROMISE/NEGOTIATE ASSERTIVE WIN/WIN

11. LISTENING SKILLS PASSIVE LISTENING SKILLS Make eye contact
Nod your head
Lean forward
Reflect your feelings with facial expressions
Use short encouraging verbal responses (“uh-huh”)

12. LISTENING SKILLS ACTIVE LISTENING
Use verbal responses (“Really?”, “Wow, what happened next?”)
Comment directly on what is being said
Restate what you heard the speaker say in your own words (“Do you mean….?”)
Encourage the person to express feelings (“I guess you must have felt….”)
Encourage more information (“Tell me about…”)
Don’t pass judgement