1. Friendship and the Self
Christian
Relationships

2. Exercise #1
1. How I met my (2) best / closest friends...(paragraph/narrative format). Include:
Who is it?
Where were you?
When did this occur?
How did you actually meet / connect?
What was / is the core element or bond?
2. Characteristics I look for in a friend descriptions in full sentence.
3. What do I desire or expect out of friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence.
4. What is missing or lacking in my current friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence

3. How I met my best / closest friend...
Who is it? Bobby Pacheco
Where were you? Met at SPX in Albuquerque, NM; Parochial League Sports
When did this occur? 1989;
How did you actually meet / connect? Officially met at our lockers freshman year at SPX; had some classes together, common friends; previously knew of each other through PL sports
What was / is the core element or bond? Sports – former PL battles, common group of friends, classes/2 common schools, life experiences, overcome challenges together, “family”, loyalty….

4. The Three Types of Friendship
If Aristotle’s Kid Had an iPod:
Ancient Wisdom for Modern Parents

5. 3 Types
“Without friends no one would choose to live, even though he had all other goods.”
Nicomachean Ethics
Useful Friendships
Pleasure Friendships
True Friendships
All 3 are real friendships, but their objectives vary greatly!

6. Definition & Dissection
“Friendship is the mutual recognition of wishing well between two people.”
Wishing Well?
Between Two People?
Mutually Recognized?

7. Utilitarians in the Sandbox
Who is an example of a useful or utility friend in my life? Explain.

8. Epicureans in the Sandbox
Who is an example of a pleasure friendship in my life? Explain.

9. Aristotle’s Kid in the Sandbox
Must Be Virtuous
More About Loving Than Being Loved
Infrequent
Who is an example of a true friend in my life? Explain.

10. Friendship & The Self Intimate relationships that generally feature:
Reciprocal deep affection
Well-wishing
Desire for shared experiences
In this article we consider:
Characteristics of friendship
Dynamics of friendship
Functional nature of friendship
Relational nature of friendship
How friendship shapes the Self
Role of disclosure and intimacy

11. Companion Friendship (Basic Friendship Dynamics)
What is Companion Friendship?
What are 2 basic dynamics of Companion Friendship?
To what “Friendship Models” do these dynamics contribute?

12. Companion Friendship What is it?
What are 2 accounts of Companion Friendship?
Companion friendship is marked by:
The great extent to which the self is disclosed in a relationship to the other.
It cements the bond of trust and intimacy
Revealing: the extent to which one discloses oneself to close friends (Secrets View)
Reflecting: extent to which we see ourselves in our friends (Mirror View)
See bottom of p.503

13. Research Overview Model: Mirror Model: Secrets Model: Drawing
Traditional Thesis for Friendship
Bond with Limitations
Model: Secrets
Model: Drawing
New Thesis for Friendship
Bond; Creative; Transcends Limitations; Growth

14. Traditional Thesis What do we learn about our friendships from these models and how they impact the “self”?
Mirror View: One popular account of friendship bond/value
Secrets View: A second common account of friendship bond/value
Positive contributions: authors say that these views reveal some dynamics/function within friendship…
Shortcomings: but they agree that these do not fully account for the bond and intimacy found in companion friendship
Positive contributions: seem to be characteristic of friendships on a surface level or even some moderate level…
Shortcomings: but these models can mislead us on the nature of our friendships (dynamics/functions) or leave us with incomplete understandings

15. The Mirror View of Friendship What are 3-5 key features of the Mirror View?
Positive Aspects
Deficits

16. The Secrets View of Friendship What are 3-5 key features of the Secrets View?
Positive Aspects
Deficits

17. The Drawing Account of Friendship What does this dynamic add to the previous views on Friendship?

18. Drawing Account of Friendship a new thesis of being “drawn” by friendships
How do the authors see the self shaped by friendship?
“I am open and receptive to being directed and interpreted , thus ‘drawn’ by the other.”
A. Directed
B. Interpreted
I do not have to reveal myself to the other (secrets)
I do not have to see myself in the other (mirror)
I do not enter a friendship as a “finished product”
I am distinctly receptive both to the other’s interests and to their way of seeing me.
I am being shaped or formed in a dynamic and relational way.
youtu.be/iY2cKtudViw

19. Drawing Account Some conclusions:
The self is not necessarily discrete nor static
The self is conceived as a relational thing shaped through friendship
Mutual drawing seems to be essential in the establishment and maintenance of intimacy.

20. Problem Cases
Direction and interpretation in relationships which are not friendships
Alleged friendships not involving direction and interpretation

21. The Governing Conditions of Friendship
“The willingness to engage in mutual direction and interpretation does govern relations of friendships in a way that similarity or secret sharing cannot.”
Acceptance Conditions
Terminating Conditions

22. Journal Questions: Friendship
1. How I met my best / closest friend...(1-2 paragraphs)
2. Characteristics I look for in a friend descriptions in full sentence. (Focus on the individual – what they bring to the relationship)
3. What do I desire or expect out of friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence. (Focus on the relationship – what is created; what are outcomes)
4. What is missing or lacking in my current friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence.

23. Digital Nation Students & Their Personal Technology (MIT)
Research Implications
Addiction
On-line Relationships (WOW)
Virtual Reality
What occurs when technology intersects with friendships?
How do these media, forum, networks impact friendship dynamics?
Mirror view
Secrets view
Drawing Account
How do you gauge the quality (intimacy) of these friendships?

24. Digital Nation Digital Natives? Addiction to tech/internet/gaming
New Species / part of our evolution
Addiction to tech/internet/gaming
Developmental Implications:
Physical
Cognitive
Social
Emotional
World Wide Web – Has it allowed us to become better people? (Rushkoff)
Define: “better people”
Is there a need for a new (educational) paradigm of responsible use?
Youth
Adults
Rushkoff is skeptical of top-down approaches like ‘Netiquette’ working in America

25. How do these media, forum, networks impact friendship dynamics?
Mirror view
Secrets view
Drawing Account
How do you gauge the quality (intimacy) of these friendships?
Pros
Cons