1. Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior
Strengthening social and emotional health
Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior

2. Have you ever found yourself reacting to things your child says or does by … by yelling, punishing or scolding And afterward do you feel bad or guilty?

3. Why this workshop. What will make it worth your time
Why this workshop? What will make it worth your time? Your proudest parenting moment?

4. What Children Need Stable and loving relationships with adults
Responsive and reciprocal interaction
Protection from harm
Encouragement for exploration and learning
Transmission of cultural values
A safe and predictable environment
Growth-promoting experiences
(Shonkoff, Phillps, ed.)

5. What Children Want
Children want to belong
Children want to be loved

7. Resilience Wholesome attachments Sense of empowerment
Age and ability appropriate competence
Skills to cope with what happens in life
Settings which promote positive outcomes

8. We are social beings Therefore, all behavior, including misbehavior:
Is orderly
Is purposeful
Is directed toward achieving social approval

9. How we feel when kids misbehave

10. Praise
… a reward given for a completed achievement … tells students they have satisfied the demands of others … is patronizing. The person who praises has a superior position … stimulates competition … stimulates selfishness

11. Encouragement
… an acknowledgement of an effort … helps students evaluate their own performance … a message between equals … stimulates cooperation … stimulates helpfulness

12. Goals of misbehavior
1) To get attention 2) To have power and control 3) To get revenge 4) They feel helpless or inadequate

13. The Brain: Three Scoops of Ice Cream
From Vanilla to Tin Roof Sundae

14. Ancient Brain
Enables us to dodge hazards, seize opportunities, and live to see another day.
Regulates basic functions
Lieberman, P. (2000). Human Language and Our Reptilian Brain. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press 14

15. Emotional Brain
Humans have the largest limbic system of any animal, making them the most emotional animals yet to walk the earth. 15

16. engaging in problem solving. cognitive flexibility attention
Thinking Brain
The neo-cortex provides planned reasoning toward a goal. It supports
engaging in problem solving.
cognitive flexibility
attention 16

17. Three Scoops of Ice Cream
The most basic: Survival
Heart rate, breathing
Visual and auditory input
Limbic:
More memory
More emotional range
Neo-Cortex:
Problem solving,
Flexibility
Attention

18. When arousal is very high (emotional melt-down in progress), it is not a good time for learning. Time to calm down is needed.
When arousal is moderate (distress or excitement), it is a good time to practice self-regulation with coaching.
When arousal is low, children can learn about concepts, but cannot practice “real-life” self-regulation.

19. Why behavior programs, stickers, charts are not enough….
Direct commands and external consequences can get children to follow rules and behave obediently, but….
External controls alone do not foster good relationships with others, empathy, or self-control capabilities.

20. Praise
… a reward given for a completed achievement external motivation … tells children they have satisfied the demands of others. Loss of internal self … is patronizing. The person who praises has a superior position … too much: insincere

21. Praise is like frosting on a cake.
A little makes it taste better and too much will ruin everything.
-Ruth A. Peters. Ph.D.

22. “Will you still love me if I don’t win the race?”
Praise = external
If you do something I consider good…
you will have the reward of being recognized and valued by me.
“Will you still love me if I don’t win the race?”

23. Children need encouragement like a plant needs water.
-Garry Landreth

24. Acknowledges the child’s effort.
Encouragement
Acknowledges the child’s effort.
It helps a child develop internal motivation and to value him or herself.
Helps a child learn to give credit to him/herself and to appreciate his/her own abilities. Self-concept isn’t dependent on someone else.

25. Focus is on internal evaluation and the contributions children make.
Encouragement
Focus is on internal evaluation and the contributions children make.
Teaches that mistakes happen, effort counts and it’s more important to believe in yourself.
Develops children who are more persistent, determined and tend to be good problem-solvers.

26. Key concept Encouragement
Deals with the child’s efforts and accomplishments
not
with his/her character or personality attributes

27. The Result …
Children will learn to become self-motivated and not look/wait for other’s praise and comments to determine self-worth.

28. Summary….
Encouragement
Values and accepts children as they are and doesn’t put conditions on acceptance.
Points out the positive aspects of behavior.
Shows faith in children, so that they can come to believe in themselves.
Recognizes effort and improvement (rather than requiring achievement).
Shows appreciation for contributions.