1. Introductions, Conclusions, and Effective Peer Feedback
CM 220:Composition II:
Introductions, Conclusions, and Effective Peer Feedback

2. On today’s agenda:
How do I write effective introductions and conclusions?
How can I provide constructive feedback on my peer’s paragraphs?
What are some strategies for making sentences clear and concise?

3. Assignments for unit 6
Readings from The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing: ch. 14 (pp ) and ch. 16; Roger Ebert’s article “Whole Lotta Cantin Going On”
For this week’s discussion, post revised introduction and conclusion paragraphs AND explain why you made the changes you did.
Attach your draft or cut and paste the original introductions and conclusions into your post so classmates can make comparisons.

4. Introductions and conclusions
Part I
Introductions and conclusions

5. Introductions should. . . Set the stage Engage attention
Set the appropriate tone
Provide background and definition of topic, and
State thesis (usually in a single sentence at the very end of the paragraph)

6. What to avoid in introductions
Example
Truisms, platitudes, and obvious statements. “Truisms” are claims that are so commonplace and obvious that they are not worth mentioning.
“A little knowledge can go a long way”
“Children are the hope of the future” “Go with the flow.”
Complaining and personal apologies to instructor
“I had a really hard time deciding what to write about”
Dictionary definitions
According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, alternative medicine is “any various system of healing or treating disease that is not included in traditional medical curricula.”

7. What to avoid in introductions
Examples
Widely known facts
No Child Left Behind became a law in 2001.
“I believe” and “I think” statements as well as other uses of first person
“I think No Child Left Behind has failed to achieve its goals.” “We need to improve our country’s educational system.”
Second person (you)
You should recognize the signs of bullying so that your child will not be a victim or a perpetrator.
Announcing
This paper will be about. . .
Overly outrageous statements
“Children should never be allowed to use the internet because this will protect them from predators.”

8. Establish the issue
End the first (intro) paragraph with the thesis statement
Topic Sidewalks
all kinds of traffic use them
3 key ideas safety from the traffic in the streets
safety for all ‘walkers’ (including
animals, and people)
Should should be maintained
Because
Thesis: Sidewalks should be maintained because all kinds of traffic use them, they provide safety from the traffic in the streets, and provide safety for all walkers.

9. Use an attention-grabbing statement
Some children cannot sit still. They fidget and do not listen. They appear distracted by every little thing and do not seem to learn from their mistakes. These children disregard rules, even when they are punished repeatedly. Many people see such kids and conclude that their parents must not know how to control them. However, the truth is that attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is misunderstood. In fact, ADHD is a growing problem that requires more research to understand, better intervention programs to help afflicted children, and improved training and support programs to help parents and educators.

10. Use a shocking statement or statistic, use a quote
McDonald’s has sold over 100 billion burgers. One hundred billion burgers with bun, stacked on top of one another would extend over 2.9 million miles into space- -twelve times as far as the moon (Grimes, 2007). What is the secret of McDonald’s incredible success? To use the words of Ray Kroc, McDonald’s founder, the secret to McDonald’s success is that the fast-food giant produces “consistently mediocre food” (Thomas, 2001). The McDonald’s corporation has become a model of success due to its understanding of its market niche, its ability to redefine its image over time, and its ability to remain stable and produce a profit even in difficult economic times.

11. Other approaches Use extended example or series of examples
Define an essential term (one the reader may not be familiar with or that you need to reframe for the reader)
Dramatize a scene

12. Conclusions: What should they do?
Bring the essay to a logical close
Reinforce the main idea in an engaging manner (without just repeating the thesis and introduction)
Leave readers with something to think about

13. Strategies Strategy How it works The echo
Repeat key concepts or words to reiterate a point
Audience appeal
Points out to audience how things will turn out if the situation doesn’t change
State the “so what”
What is the deeper meaning to the argument?
Back to the beginning
A “mirror image” or completing a narrative begun in the introduction
Where do we go from here?
Suggest directions for further research, note problems that still need to be addressed

14. Effective peer feedback
Part II
Effective peer feedback

15. Peer review in the real world
Journals use “peer review” to critique and select articles for publication
Architecture schools use “juries” of peers and instructors to critique projects and offer advice
Many jobs will ask groups of employees to work on a project, and typically, the collaboration will involve critique and revision

16. How have I been using peer review?
Comments from classmates and friends about your project
Discussion board responses
Formal peer reviews in previous courses?

17. Common misconceptions and concerns
“I’m not a great writer, so how can I offer advice?”
“I’m scared about getting critiqued by someone else. What if she hates my paper?”
“How can a classmate give me good advice? I don’t care about what anyone but the teacher has to say since she is the one giving me the grade.”

18. Things to avoid Not helpful. . .why? I really liked this paper.
I thought the introduction was great!
Some other examples would be helpful.
This is boring.

19. Helpful feedback Much better
Your thesis statement clearly describes your position, but you have main points that are not clearly connected to the thesis statement. How about revising the thesis so that it lets the reader know what to expect?
You might include a statistic in the introduction to let the reader know how big of a problem this is. I read this great article in the Washington Post this week that would give you some good numbers; here is the link. . .
I have had a really hard time revising my introduction to give it a good “hook,” too. I found this helpful website at the University of North Carolina’s writing center that you might review:
A couple of suggestions they had were opening with a thought-provoking question or a surprising anecdote related to your topic.

20. Part 3
Editing sentences

21. Paramedic Revision
Paramedic Revision is a sentence level revision strategy that helps to make writing more clear and concise.
It revives tired, wordy, and awkward sentences and makes them more readable

22. Steps Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)
Draw a box around the "is" verb forms
Ask, "Where's the action?"
Change the "action" into a simple verb
Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom)
Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups
Eliminate any redundancies. (“Paramedic Revision,” 2010).

23. Links to helpful resources
Writing Effective Introductions and Conclusions (Writing Center workshop) ontent=true&pbMode=normal Introductions: ns.html Conclusions: html

24. References
Top ten things not to do in your introduction (Power Point presentation created by Kaplan faculty member)
Clements, K. (2010). Essay development. In Martinez, D., Carlson, S., & VanDam, K. (Eds), The Kaplan guide to successful writing (pp ). New York: Kaplan Publishing.