1. Chapter 9: Adjusting to Marriage
Family Living
Mrs. Karen Swope
Columbian High School

2. Introduction Basic patterns of adjustment used in marriage.
The interpersonal adjustments couples make as they learn to live with each other.
How couples adapt to financial and social changes during married life.

3. Discussion:
What might be some characteristics of a low-quality relationship? of a high quality relationship?
What would be the benefits of learning to adjust to each other in the early years of marriage?

4. Patterns of Adjustment
Marital adjustment - the process couples use to modify their relationship as needed throughout their married life; what tactics they use to cope with conflict within the marriage.

5. Patterns of Adjustment cont.
1.Hostility: the couple may use hostile methods that could be physically or emotionally abusive to their partner to deal with conflict.
Conflicts don’t get resolved.
Has a negative effect on the relationship and weakens the marriage.

6. Patterns of Adjustment cont.
2. Concession - giving in to the other spouse rather than working out a solution.
If both spouses give in some of the time, the quality of the relationship may be high.
If one spouse is the one to always give in, the quality of the relationship decreases.

7. Patterns of Adjustment cont.
3. Accommodation: accepting each others differences and agreeing to live with them.
No mutual agreement is reached.
They agree to “put up with it”.
This does not increase the quality of the relationship but helps the couple work around the problem.

8. Patterns of Adjustment cont.
4. Compromise: couples find a solution they both agree on.
Must be willing to give and take.
Brings the greatest level of quality to a relationship.
No one wins or loses.

9. Couples most likely will use all the above.
No one method can be used all the time.
Conflicts will vary.
Clear communication is needed.
Consider the pros and cons of each method of adjustment.

10. Discussion Why is it important to think of “we” instead of “me”?
How does society teach us to think this way?

11. Interpersonal Adjustments
Each spouse has his/her own likes / dislikes.
Each partner had their own opinion.
The changes the couple make to learn to live with each other is called interpersonal adjustments.

12. Accepting Habits
When dating it may be easy to overlook irritating habits.
Accept minor irritations and focus on the positive.

13. Show Appreciation
What are ways couples can show appreciation for each other?
Give both verbal and nonverbal messages of appreciation.

14. Stay Actively Involved with Each Other
What are some activities for spouses that would better reveal what each is thinking or feeling?
Active interaction: physical and verbal exchanges between two people.
Passive interaction: only involved as a listener or observer, such as…

15. Meet Emotional Needs
Greater satisfaction in a marriage when the emotional needs are being met.
The need for love, respect, and self-actualization (reaching ones full potential; growing and reaching personal accomplishments) are some emotional needs.

16. Marital Roles
The roles husband/wife are expected to fulfill include: spouse, friend, wage earner, cook, caregiver, housekeeper, money manager, and daughter in-law, son in-law.
If the couple has children: mother, father are additional roles to fulfill.

17. Financial & Social Adjustments
Views on money management can be sources of conflict. This area needs to be discussed prior to marriage. After marriage, both partners need to be financially responsible.
A couples marriage joins two families. The couple needs to find balance between couple time, friend and family time.

18. Sources for Help
Marriage enrichment program: an organized program designed to strengthen and improve a marriage.
Marriage counseling: designed to identify and resolve existing problems in a marriage.