1. Destructive Communication
Blaming
Interrupting
Endless Fighting
Character Assassination
Calling in Reinforcements
Withdrawal
Need to be Right

2. Blaming – Frequently blame each other while trying to find out who is at “fault”, who started the fight, etc.”
Examples – You are the one that’s not listening. You did this…. You should of …
Interrupting – Interrupts another person, it is a sign that one idea is more important than another.
Stop communication, Shows disregard for other person’s ideas.

3. Endless Fighting – Arguments that never end
Endless Fighting – Arguments that never end. Bring up the old issues that have nothing to do with what’s happening now.
Examples: Just like when you…
Character Assassination – Name calling, belittling comments about sensitive subjects, and insulting remarks. (Sarcasm)
Examples: Destroys self-esteem, trust, and communication.

4. Calling In Reinforcements – Involves outsiders in your personal relationships and quarrels.
Example: to save face
Withdrawal – Withdrawing from communication avoiding conversation in families communicates hurt, rejection, neglect, indifference, &/or anger.
Example: “I don’t care” “fine” “I’ll do it”

5. Compromise is a win-win situation.
Need to be right – Some people refuse to admit any need to always be right.
Compromise is a win-win situation.

6. Constructive Communication
“I” Messages
Clarity
Timing
Asking Questions
Reflective Listening
Respect and Consideration
Avoiding Intense Anger

7. “I” Messages – State the feelings and thoughts you are having at the time of communication. Lets others know how you feel without making people defensive.
Examples “I feel frustrated when…
I am angry because you forgot…

8. Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean
Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean. Problem is interpretation. (Sarcasm)
Example: I hope you had a great time at the movie last night with all your other friends!
Timing – Select a good time to do your important communicating.
Examples: Asking for something when parents walk in from work.

9. Asking Questions – People seldom say what they really mean the first time.
Example: Why, What, Where, When,
Do you mean….
Reflective Listening – listener mirrors back thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing. Purpose is to clarify.
Example: Are you saying? You seem to be saying?

10. Respect and Consideration – One sure way of ending good communication is by being critical or judgmental. Respect the other person’s point of view.
Avoiding Intense Anger – Sometimes we become to emotional to communicate effectively.