1. Dealing with Bereavement

2. Informing members
Who notifies members in the event of a death? Almoner or Secretary or WM ?
Immediate advice. Do not overwhelm the bereaved. Cards rather than calls ?
Immediate support. Family help? Employment o.k. ? Help with getting about to Registrar, Funeral Director, Florist, Vicar ?
Funeral arrangements. Tactfully ask if help needed. E.g. costs/ ushers
Masonic/Lodge input. Eulogies/Tributes ?
Other Lodges/Province?
Visits? Flowers/donations. Address for cards.

3. Dealing with Grief People grieve in many different ways:
May need to talk
May need to cry
May need to be angry
May need to express emotion, feelings of guilt, remorse, loss, despair
May need comfort. May need space.
May need reassurance/support.

4. Don’t Overwhelm a bereaved person
The most important thing for an almoner is to channel members’ concern and desire to help.
Don’t promise something you can’t deliver
Children and grandchildren often need counselling from experts rather than well meaning friends.
Let them know you have advice and information to give WHEN THEY ASK FOR IT.
Sometimes a stranger is preferred. Mention organisations like Samaritans, CRUSE .

5. Do’s Do write a letter or email or call or arrange to visit.
Do accept that everyone grieves in their own way and that there is no “normal” way.
Be a good listener.
Be aware that grief can take a long time.
In the time after the funeral, maybe for many months, maintain contact. Especially at anniversaries, birthdays, lodge meetings.
Mention support agencies
Offer Practical help, e.g. Lifts, coping financially.

6. Don’ts Don’t Avoid contact with someone who has been bereaved.
Don’t use cliches such as “I understand how you feel”, “you’ll get over it”, “Time heals”.
Don’t tell them it’s time to move on, they should be over it by now.
Don’t be alarmed if a person doesn’t want to talk or shows anger.
Don’t underestimate that helping can make you very drained.
Don’t pretend to be an expert. Use agencies and others.

7. Help at Hand Legal advice e.g.wills probate 0845 345 4345
National Helplines
Legal advice e.g.wills probate
Citizens’ Advice Bureau online
Housing
Debt advice
Pension Service Bereavement Benefits
Suicide /