3. Do you believe in Love? Love at first sight? One true love
50% of Americans say yes
One true love
75% of Americans say yes

4. Love is…
“A deep and vital emotion that satisfies certain needs, coupled with caring for and acceptance of the beloved and resulting in an intimate relationship”
Love vs. limerence

5. Watch out: Limerence!
Caused by chemicals in brain – dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin)
Lasts about 3-6 months (sometimes longer)
Altered state of mind – drugged state
Feels great
Can be dangerous
Not making good decision / or choosing by default
Limerence might blind you
Might make it hard to see problem behavior
Might lead to Sliding

7. Maslow’s understanding of love
B-love: “Being love”: Love for the essence or being of the other.
D-Love: “Deficiency love”: Love another person because you are driven to satisfy your needs for love and belongingness.

8. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Intimacy
Sharing and communication of emotions
Passion
Physical attraction, sexual consummation a
Quickest to develop
Commitment
Short and long term commitment
Intimacy + Passion +Commitment = Consummate love

9. Sternberg’s Love Types

10. Six Types of Love Eros: strong sexual desire
Storge: compassionate/friendly
Pragma: pragmatic/rational
Agape: altruistic
Ludus: Play/fun/playing the game of love
Mania: like eros, but moody and jealous

12. Love is NOT: Self-sacrifice/martyring Manipulative or controlling
Martyrs and manipulators usually pair up together in a symbiotic relationship
Dangerous
Physical safety – fear from being harmed or threatened
Emotional safety – feeling loved, accepted, deeply cared for and supported, feeling connected
Commitment safety – feeling that someone is “in”
Jealous

13. Jealousy
Jealousy: Reaction to a perceived threat-- real or imagined--to a valued relationship or to its quality.
“Normal" vs. "delusional" jealousy
Delusional jealousy persists despite the absence of any real or even probable threat

14. Self-love High self-esteem enhances a person’s capacity to love others
Self-love not to be confused with narcissism
People with low self esteem:
Experience a persistent need for affection
Are on the alert for criticism and remember it for a long time afterward
Often miss cues that other people are interested
Are prepared for rejection

15. Types of relationships
A-FRAME: strong couple identity at the expense of individuality
H-FRAME: little relationship connection, good sense of self.
M-FRAME: adequate sense of self, reliance on each other for support, interdependence