1. What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?
It is much easier to speak about conflicts than to have them.
The conflicts deteriorate human relationships, destroys families, friendships. Any conflict is against love and of course is against God.
Today we will not discuss how to work out conflicts or how to stop a conflict in somebody, we will be limited only on the specific task how to stop a conflict in ourselves. 
If you will try to solve a conflict you have to find the source of the conflicts. Usually the people will tell you that the sours of the conflict depends on the circumstances. It is not true in any circumstances there is only one reason and also only one solution.
The anatomy of conflict

2. The Greatest War In the World

3. James 4 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?
Is it the source of your pleasures that wage war in your members?
You lust and do not have; so you commit murder.
You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel.
You do not have, because you do not ask.
You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

4. You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?
Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world, makes himself an enemy of God.
Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose; “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”?
But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

5. The power of life and death
Since we are queriling are arguing using our tongue with excellence we have to study the context of the ch 4. James used a whole chapter ….
But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken
For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.“
Matt.12:36- 37

6. What do these illustrations have in common?

7. How to solve this "contradiction”?
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
James 1:26
No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
James 3:8

8. Which wisdom controls you?
Heavenly wisdom comes from the Word of God
Earthly, unspiritual, demonic wisdom
James 3:17
Pure
Peace-loving
Considerate
Submissive
Full of mercy and good fruit
Impartial
Sincere
Full of humility
James 3:14,16
Bitterness
Envy
Selfish ambition
Disorder
Every evil practice
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind Rom 12:2

9. The problem is not with the tongue, but with…
Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.
James 3:10-2,14

11. The roots of your tongue
"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.“
Matthew 12:33-37
You are wrong Honey. Here honey sounds like a curse.
Love means to tolerate the opinion of others when doesn’t not correspond with yours.
God is looking to our words as a extension of our heart. Thus the Bible says that praise and the deeds of an unrighteous is a abomination before God

12. (the condition of your heart)
Your tongue shows:
1. The inner tension of your heart
(the condition of your heart)
2. What type of wisdom are you feeding from? (from above or demonic)
3. The quality of your faith

13. The tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
James 3:8

14. What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?

15. James 4:1 Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
Unfulfilled desires
I looked up the word Conflict in the dictionary and was amazed to see that they gave the same definition as James did.
The source of the conflicts are in our unmet desires and the outcome of their inner desires are always the war. The only difference is in the weapon we use. The most uncivilized will use guns, others will use their feasts other their words
I want you to repeat again the truth we are tempted by our own desires. The reason of the conflict is not in your husband or wife is in yourself. The reason why a conflict started is that you did not want to pass through the trial and turned it into temptation.
Again when somebody is screaming on you that is a trial for you, but if you scream back that means that you fell into temptation.
James 4:1 Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?

16. The Unfulfilled Desires
Expression of a heart with unfulfilled desires:
You lust and do not have; so you commit murder.
You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel.
Do not speak against one another, brethren.
He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother,
envious
quarrelsome
About how one said that he had an agreement with his wife just when they got married, that if anyone will start a conflict other one will go for a walk.
fighting
commits murder
judges his brother

17. But the things that come out of the mouth
come from the heart, and these make
a man 'unclean” Mat.15:18'
Speak against
one another
commits
murder
envious
fighting
judges his brother
quarrelsome
speaks against
the law
wrong motives
Personal pleasures

18. The Unfulfilled Desires

19. Desires Punishment Expectations and Demands Judgments
The Unfulfilled Desires
Desires
Let me give you some examples: with the desire to raise good kids, we can have expectations and demands from them. … When the parents have conflict about how to raise or discipline the kids ….
Two doctors place the patient on the surgery bed, cut his belly and now are quarreling on how to heal the patient. They didn’t come to an agreement and angry are piercing each other with their scalpers. Now the patient is looking to one and other, he understands that nothing good will come out of that gathers his gats and runs away.
Punishment
Expectations
and Demands
Judgments

20. The Unfulfilled Desires
1. God has to be the first one to hear about your desires
2. Give him space to answer
you according to his will
You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures James 4:2-3

21. You do not have, because you do not ask God
You quarrel and fight.
You do not have, because you do not ask God
God views conflicts differently than us. For him a conflict is a stubbornness a desire to solve the problem by yourself.
All the problems are connected with our pride with our stubbornness to give up the control into God’s hands. Thus God says that he opposed the proud but gives grace to the meek.
Selfishness causes conflict with people; selfishness also causes conflicts with God. James tells us that we "do not have because [we] do not ask (James 4:2b)." God tells us that we are missing out on the important aspects of life because of a lack of prayer. We have not because we ask not. Selfishness produces prayerlessness. Andrew Murray wrote about prayerlessness saying, "Prayer is the pulse of life; by it the doctor can tell what is the condition of the heart. The sin of prayerlessness is a proof that the life of God in the soul is in deadly sickness and weakness."7 The sin of selfishness not only creates prayerlessness it also causes powerless prayer. "You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures (James 4:3)." Selfishness causes our prayers to be ineffectual and powerless. Andrew Murray believed that selfishness has a very negative influence over our prayers. Murray said, "A worldly life, a self-seeking life, makes prayer powerless."8Selfishness also creates a barrier between us and God. In verse four we read: "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God (James 4:2b)." What does James mean in this verse when he calls his readers "adulteresses"?
That is why Scripture says:  "God opposes the proud  but gives grace to the humble.”
James 4:6

22. "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
James 4:6
Humble yourselves before the Lord
Jam.4:10

23. Any conflict against men is a War against God
Selfishness causes conflict with people; selfishness also causes conflicts with God
The conflicts are against love
Don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4

24. Friendship with the is hatred toward God
James 4:4
WORLD= COSMOS
an order established by their ruler
(an order against God)

25. James 4 Submit therefore to God.
Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
Cleanse your hands, you sinners;
and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
Be miserable and mourn and weep;
Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.
Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

26. No one can fulfill your needs
except God

27. GOD CAN FULFILL YOUR NEEDS
1 Peter 5:6-7
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. He
may
exalt
you at the proper time
He cares for you
cast all your anxiety on Him

28. Conclusion
We are involved in one conflict (with the power of darkness) and we do not need any others.
Any word which does not build up - destroys.
Any carelessly spoken word is a signal of a dirty heart.
Every conflict is a sign that its initiator has an inner problem.
There is no person on this earth capable to fulfill all your desires.

29. Application:
When you have a conflict inside, run to your inner room. Reveal to God your inner pain and give Him space to solve the situation according to His will.
I even gave the rights to my kids to stop me when I will raise my voice and to ask me if a spoke first to God.
But they are smart enough not to do that.
Read also 2.42 and draw a triangle : Bible teaching- fellowship-prayer