1. Assertiveness and managing differences
Chapter 11
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2. Causes of conflict at work
Lack of role boundaries
Goal differences
Different values or ethics
Restructuring or change
Scarcity of resources
Racism/sexism
stereotyping
Inappropriate behaviour
Differences in thinking
Poor performance
Unsatisfactory working conditions
Cultural differences
Personality differences or competing egos
Differences of opinion
Misused position/authority
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3. Levels of conflict
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4. Conflict management grid
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5. Conflict management strategies
Competition
Withdrawal
Accommodation
Compromise
Collaboration
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6. Factors influencing conflict management styles
Situation
Position/Role/Power
Past experiences
Expectations: relationship
Gender
Culture
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7. Addressing and resolving conflicts
Two-party resolution
Informal third-party resolution
Formal investigation and adjudication
Generic approaches
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8. Defining the conflict
Define conflict as a mutual problem to be solved.
Identify common goals or areas of mutual interest.
Define the conflict in as small and specific a way as possible.
Find out how you and the other person differ before trying to resolve the conflict.
See the conflict from the other person’s viewpoint.
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9. Talking about the conflict
Do not label, accuse or insult.
Describe the person’s actions towards you.
Describe your feelings about the other person’s actions.
Describe your actions that help to create and continue the conflict.
Manage your feelings so that they do not make conflict worse.
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10. Skills in finding a solution
Use ‘Yes AND’ not ‘Yes BUT’.
Develop options – be creative. Avoid ‘either’ or ‘thinking’.
Stick to the point.
Stress common areas of agreement.
Choose solutions that help the ongoing relationship.
Make it easy for the person to say ‘yes’.
Check commitment.
Let the issue rest.
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11. Managing emotions in conflict situations
Be aware that you are becoming angry and emotionally charged.
Try to understand why you are angry.
Make a conscious decision about whether to express your anger.
Choose your time and place.
Plan your message.
Breathe.
Watch your non-verbal messages.
Avoid personal attacks.
Use Self Talk.
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12. Managing emotions in conflict situations
I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end I was angry with my foe I told it not, and my wrath did grow. (A Poison Tree from Blake, ‘Songs of Experience’, 1794)
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13. Assertive communication
Assertive communication is a way of dealing with issues of unfair use of power and of gaining respect and recognition.
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14. Behaviour styles Aggressive Submissive
Manipulative (Aggressive/passive)
Assertive
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15. Assertive guidelines Set limits. Be relevant. Set the tone.
Be direct, clear and honest.
Learn to say ‘no’.
Use ‘I’ statements.
Do not use a lot of ‘you’ statements.
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16. Using ‘I’ statements Own the message.
Avoid stating thoughts as truth using words such as ‘should’, ‘ought to’.
Avoid generalising.
Don’t use a lot of ‘you’ statements.
Don’t disguise ‘you’ statements as feelings.
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17. Assertive guidelines (cont.)
Admit it at the time if you have made a mistake.
Ask for what you want.
Use persistence.
Script assertive responses using the four Fs.
Be realistic.
Match verbal with non-verbal.
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18. Four Fs Facts Feelings Focus on action Feedback
Describe the facts of the matter.
Feelings
Describe your feelings and the effect or consequences of their actions on you.
Focus on action
Say what you want the other person to do or change. Be specific.
Feedback
Invite their response.
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19. Assertive non-verbal language
Open gestures
Confident facial expressions
Strong voice
No ‘ers’, ‘ums’, or other hesitations
Direct gaze
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