1. Building peace starts with you

2. Presenter
Tim Nation
Executive director Peace Learning Center

3. “The only thing controlled by you is what you say and what you do”

4. “For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism”

8. Cooperation vs. competition
Are you trying to win the argument or to find a solution?

9. Cooperation vs. competition
Do you look for opportunities to be offended?

10. Cooperation vs. competition
You can win often – but at what costs? Always trying to win can be lonely.

11. Competition vs. cooperation
Conflicts and disagreements are opportunities to teach and learn

12. Dialogue vs. debate Dialogue is collaborative
two or more sides work together toward common understanding.

13. Dialogue vs. debate Debate is oppositional
two sides oppose each other and attempt to prove each other wrong.

14. Dialogue vs. debate In dialogue, finding common ground is the goal.
In debate, winning is the goal.

15. Dialogue vs. debate
In dialogue, one listens to the other side(s) in order to understand, find meaning and find agreement.

16. Dialogue vs. debate
In debate, one listens to the other side in order to find flaws and to counter its arguments.

17. “I take full responsibility for my feelings and actions, except for all the ones other people cause”

18. Effective, direct communication and reflective listening
Relax
Your face, your eyes, your tone and your position
Take a peace breath
Breathe in counting to seven – breathe out counting to seven, breathing deeply

19. Effective, direct communication and reflective listening
Do not get caught in drama roles of victim, perpetrator and savior
We can be vulnerable, persevere and reach out to people

20. Point of view, perspective
Find out the other person’s point of view
What happened?
Why does it matter?
How did it make you feel

21. Effective, direct communication and reflective listening
Reflect back
“what I heard you say is…”
“did I get that right…?”
Speak for yourself using “I” statements and feeling words

22. Point of view, perspective
Know your own point of view
What happened?
Why does it matter?
How did it make you feel?
Empathize don’t “villianize”

23. Be clear Speak with clarity
Don’t assume and check out assumptions (ask)

24. Be clear Be decisive. Include time frames. “Yes, I will…”
“No, I won’t…”
“I don’t know right now. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

25. Be clear No excuses The Three “A’s”
Explain if you choose, usually not necessary. Stand responsible.
The Three “A’s”
Acknowledge
Apologize
Make Amends

26. Be clear Clarify Repeat what you heard using reflective listening
Reach agreement and document, if necessary

27. Reframing your words Avoid the following words:
Try and maybe
I don’t know but…
Always, never and only
Just
Must and should
Be accurate and factual, not biased or persuasive

28. STEP Process Stay cool Tell one point of view (POV)
Are you ready and willing to solve this problem peacefully?
Tell one point of view (POV)
What happened?
Why does it matter?
How do you feel? (Are you saying: you feel ___ when he/she ___ because ___)

29. STEP Process Explore the other point of view Problem solve
Repeat questions above
Problem solve
What do you want now to solve this problem peacefully?
What are you willing to do now to solve this problem peacefully?

30. Rephrase what you heard
Are you saying…
you feel (emotion)
when (what happened)
because (why you feel that way)?

31. Fouls Getting even Not listening Making threats Name calling Put-downs
Interrupting
Bossing
Blaming
Lying
Teasing
Hitting
Whining
Getting even
Not listening
Making threats
Name calling
Put-downs
Making excuses

32. Respect Listening Asking politely Being accountable
Expressing my needs
Admitting mistakes
Telling the truth
Understanding
Accepting
Forgiving
Stepping away
Finding solutions
Waiting patiently
Paying attention
Affirming

33. Conflict equation
Foul + Foul = Conflict

34. Foul buster Foul + Question = Possibility of Peace
A “foul buster” is a question in response to a foul.

35. Foul buster Its purpose is to open dialogue
…to let the person know you care
…to de-escalate a conflict

36. Foul buster Examples of questions: “What is the problem?”
“Why do you say that?”
“Is something wrong?”

37. Summary Making assumptions about other peoples’ intentions is a trap.
When uncomfortable or confused, ask questions.

38. Summary
Remember if you have an open conflict with another person, most of the time it is you thinking about it.
Be willing to experience discomfort for standing up for what is important.

39. Summary Help build a community based on honesty, respect and caring.
It only takes one person to steer a situation to or away from peace.

41. More information at www.PeaceLearningCenter.org

42. Questions? Tim Nation tnation@peacelearningcenter.org (Roy)
Time for Questions…
Please type your questions in the dash board…we will try to get to all the questions…but if we run out of time…don’t worry, we will answer them in an .

43. Session evaluation
Please…
Fill out
Tear out
Turn in

44. Thank you!