1. Chapter 9 Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

2. Chapter 9 - Overview The Concept of Emotional Intelligence
Effectiveness in Relationships
The Win-Win Frame
Empathy
Pathways Through Anger
Forgiveness

3. Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Self-Awareness
Adopting the Witnessing Stance
Good Decision Making
Managing Emotions
Stress Mastery
Working Past Anger
Optimism
Rational Thinking
Self-Motivation
Perseverance
Rewarding Yourself
Delaying Gratification
Time Management
Perceptiveness
Reading Nonverbal Cues
Empathy – Stepping into Shoes of the Other
Handling Relationships
Listening Skills
Conversational Skills
Assertive Skills
Looking for Win-Win Outcomes
Conflict Resolution

4. Effectiveness in Relationships
Independence – Your life is your responsibility
Interdependence – Two or more independent individuals working on a goal resulting in synergy
Codependence – Create situations where they will not be left alone
Can only be Interdependent if you are Independent

5. Mental Sets Essential for Win-Win Outcomes
Make deposits in the Emotional Bank Account
Give up being right
Steps into the shoes of the other

6. How to Make Deposits in the Emotional Bank Account
Understand the individual
Attend to the little things
Keep your commitments
Clarify your expectations
Show personal integrity
Apologize sincerely when you have made a withdrawal

7. Empathy Imagining how the world looks through the eyes of another
Mirror Neurons – Have the ability to fire in the exact pattern that they would have to fire in order to execute the behavior that is being observed
Benefits of Empathy
Blocks to Empathy
More responsive to others
Happier
Do Good – Feel Good Effect
Snap Judgments
Believing the world is a just place where people get what they deserve

8. Cultivating Empathy Practice active listening
Utilize reframing to counteract snap judgments
Engage in random acts of kindness
Pay attention to the similarities
Engage in community service
Open your heart
Try on the shoes of the other
Raise your children to be helpful

9. Tips for Controlling Anger
Become Self-Aware
Adopt the Witnessing Stance
Interrupt Angry Thoughts
Cognitive Restructuring
Thought Stopping
Cultivate Empathy
Step into the Shoes of the Other
Learn to Laugh at Yourself
Practice Active Relaxation Skills
Diaphragmatic Breathing
Progressive Relaxation
Exercise
Learn to Listen Well
Take the Risk to Trust
Practice Forgiveness for Others and for Yourself
Take a Cooling Off Period if Necessary
Make an Appointment to Discuss the Conflict Later when Cooler Heads Prevail