1. 6 Revising Business Messages Business Communication:
Process and Product, 8e
Mary Ellen Guffey and Dana Loewy
Instructor PowerPoint Library, 8e
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2. Learning Objective 1
Complete business messages by revising for conciseness, which includes eliminating flabby expressions, long lead-ins, there is/are and it is/was fillers, redundancies, and empty words as well as condensing for microblogging.
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3. Taking Time to Revise: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing Process
Prewriting
Drafting
Revising
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Revising: improving content and sentence structure
Proofreading: correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, mechanics
Revising takes the most time in the writing process.

4. Revising for Conciseness
Eliminate flabby expressions.
Flabby
Concise
at this point in time
now
due to the fact that
because
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in very few cases
seldom
despite the fact that
although
in the near future
soon

5. Revising for Conciseness
Limit long lead-ins.
Wordy
Concise
This is to let you know that Monday is a holiday.
Monday is a holiday.
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I am sending this to announce that our internal audit begins on January 5.
Our internal audit begins on January 5.

6. Revising for Conciseness
Drop unnecessary there is/are and
it is/was fillers.
Wordy
Concise
There were more than 45 visitors who commented on her blog.
More than 45 visitors commented on her blog.
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It was a hilarious animal video that went viral.
A hilarious animal video went viral.

7. Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
Redundant
Concise
combined together
combined
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exact same
exact or same
my personal opinion
my opinion
refer back
refer

8. Revising for Conciseness
Purge empty words.
Wordy
Concise
In the case of General Motors, the car company was reorganized.
General Motors was reorganized.
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We are aware of the fact that many managers need assistance.
We know many managers need assistance.
When it arrived, I deposited your check immediately.
I deposited your check immediately.

9. Revising for Conciseness
Condense messages for social media microblogging.
Include only main ideas.
Personalize whenever possible.
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. © Andrey/Fotolia
Choose descriptive but short words.
Be prepared
to revise many times for concise-ness, clarity, and, yes, even correctness.

10. Tweet Reply to Unhappy Bank of America Customer
@BofA Help. Sorry you feel that way. If you change your mind and want to see if we can help, please DM your name/zip/phone.
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11. Learning Objective 2
Improve clarity in business messages by keeping the ideas simple, dumping trite business phrases, dropping clichés, avoiding slang and buzzwords, rescuing buried verbs, and controlling exuberance.
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12. Making Your Message Clear
Keep it short and simple.
Wordy
Concise
It would not be inadvisable for you to affix your signature at this point in time.
You should sign now.
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Here are implements that are necessary for the job to be completed in a satisfactory manner.
Here are tools to do the job satisfactorily.

13. Making Your Message Clear
Dump trite business phrases.
Trite
Improved
persuant to your request
as you request
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please do not hesitate to
please
thanking you in advance
thank you
enclosed please find
enclosed

14. Making Your Message Clear
Drop clichés (worn phrases), slang (informal words with extravagant meanings), and business buzzwords.
Cliché, Slang, Buzzword
Improved
Last but not least, we must cut costs.
Finally, we must cut costs.
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Hey, prof, what u think of my killer paper?
Professor, what did you think of my paper?
Our point man will telephonically communicate our relanguaged proposal to you.
Jake will call you with our revised proposal.

15. Making Your Message Clear
Unbury verbs that are needlessly converted to wordy noun expressions.
Buried Verbs
Improved
give consideration to
consider
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reach a conclusion
conclude
create a reduction in
reduce
make a decision about
decide
take action
act

16. Making Your Message Clear
Control exuberance by using sparingly such words as very, definitely, quite, totally, etc.
Excessive Exuberance
Businesslike
We are actually very certain that they totally agree with our proposal.
We are certain that they agree with our proposal.
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Jake was really extremely sorry that he completely forgot the meeting.
Jake was sorry that he forgot the meeting.

17. Learning Objective 3
Enhance readability by understanding document design including the use of white space, margins, typefaces, fonts, numbered and bulleted lists, and headings.
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.

18. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Employ white space by
Adding headings
Including bulleted or numbered lists
Using short sentences
Writing short paragraphs
Setting effective margins
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. © denis_pc/Fotolia

19. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Setting margins
Use 1 to 1 ½ inch margins
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Microsoft ® Word; Used with permission from Microsoft.
How to set margins

20. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Setting for Ragged-Right Margins
Ragged-right margins provide more white space and improve readability.
Result
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Microsoft ® Word; Used with permission from Microsoft.
Aligns text at left margin and creates a ragged-right margin

21. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Abc
Consider sans serif (such as Arial) for headings, signs, and material that does not require continuous reading.
Abc
Consider serif (such as Times New Roman) for body font. Notice that serif typefaces have small features at the end of strokes.
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22. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Use 10- to 12-pt. font for most body text.
For special effects consider:
CAPITALIZATION
SMALL CAPS
Boldface
Italics
Underline
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23. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Use vertical lists or enumerated items to improve comprehension.
Numbered lists (1, 2, 3) for items that show a sequence
Bulleted lists for items that do not show a chronology
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Numbered List
Bulleted List
Follow these steps in starting a business:
Write a business plan.
Locate venture capital.
Prepare a feasibility study.
Consider the following:
Environmental regulations
Employee benefit plans
Licensing requirements

24. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Employ parallel (balanced) construction when listing similar ideas.
Not Parallel
Parallel
Keeping an old customer is much cheaper than to find a new one.
Keeping an old customer is much cheaper than finding a new one.
To protect your pet from dognappers:
Be a constant companion.
Don’t boast about the breed.
You should keep photos handy.
Keep photos handy.
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25. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Add headings to enhance comprehension.
Types of headings to consider
Main headings
Subheadings
Category headings
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26. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Category headings:
The company needs to focus attention in three key areas:
Attracting applicants. We must analyze where and how we advertise for applicants, specifically, online job boards…
Interviewing applicants. We should consider adding a simulated customer encounter to the process. Simulated…
Checking references. We'll find a better candidate if we contact all references, not just former employers. Currently, the…
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27. Learning Objective 4
Recognize proofreading problem areas, and apply effective techniques to catch mistakes in both routine and complex documents.
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28. Proofreading to Catch Mistakes
What to Watch for in Proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and numbers
Format
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29. How to Proofread Routine Documents
Reading messages on screen: Use the down arrow to reveal one line at a time. Read from a printed copy, to be safer.
Look for typos, misspellings, and easily confused words.
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. © Marina Zlochin/Fotolia
Study the document for inconsistencies and ambiguous expressions.
Look for factual errors.

30. How to Proofread Complex Documents
Print a copy, preferably double spaced. 1
Set it aside and take a breather. 2
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Allow adequate time for careful proofing. 3
Expect errors and congratulate yourself when you find them. 4
Read the message at least twice– once for meaning and once for grammar and mechanics. 5
Reduce your reading speed and focus on individual words. 6

31. To Revise Manually, Use Basic Proofreading Marks
Delete
Capitalize
Lowercase (don’t capitalize)
Transpose
Close up
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32. To Revise Manually, Use Basic Proofreading Marks
Insert
Insert space
Insert punctuation
Insert period
Start paragraph
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33. To Revise Manually, Use Basic Proofreading Marks
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.

34. To Revise Manually, Use Basic Proofreading Marks
Revised Copy
Beginning September 1 the doors leading to the west side of the building will have alarms. Because these doors also function as fire exits, they cannot be locked; consequently, we are installing alarms. Please use the east side exits to avoid setting off the ear-splitting alarms.
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35. To Revise Digitally, Use Strikethrough and Color
This is a short note to let you know that as As you requested, I made an investigation of investigated several of our competitors’ websites. Attached hereto is a summary of the findings. of my investigation. I was really most interested in making a comparison of the employment of comparing marketing strategies as well as the use of navigational graphics used to guide visitors through the sites.
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36. Evaluate a message to judge its effectiveness.
Learning Objective 5
Evaluate a message to judge its effectiveness.
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.

37. Evaluate Your Writing Evaluate Your Writing
Does it attract the reader’s attention?
Is it polished and clear?
How successful will this message be?
Does it say what you want it to?
© 2014 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
Evaluate Your Writing
Will it achieve its purpose?
How will you know if it succeeds?

38. End
© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. © Marina Zlochin/Fotolia