1. Internal Family Empowerment (Basic Course)
(7) Deposit trust in your life

2. (6) Deposit trust 1) Deposit = Initiate action to build trust.
　　Understand the need to change yourself, and a method to apply it to your real life.
1) Deposit = Initiate action to build trust.
2) Withdraw = Reactive action that lowers trust.
・When you feel family communication is not smooth, think about depositing into the "Trust balance."
　By practicing constantly to increase the balance, communication may become smooth.
・Steadily, step by step, you start from what you can do, then the trust balance may go up high. 2

3. Effect of depositing trust
If the trust balance is kept high, your mutual communication will go well, and even if some small mistakes were made, the trust balance will supplement that. 3

4. □ Five items of depositing
　　1) Be kind
　　　“It is no small matter to care for the people around you and continue to be kind to them.”
・Words
・Thanks
・I'm sorry
・What can I do for you?
・I’d be glad to.
□When a son was in the 5th grade, his father, the son and his friend went cycling.
　The father was kind to the son's friend all the time, then the son said, with a very sad feeling, "Father, today's father is not my father but my friend's father, aren't you..."
　Children perceive parents' feelings very sensitively.
□Words
・Words are a very important tool to express one's "honest heart."
・"Thank you" is a word to open one's heart.
・We tend to give up after several trials. However, if you really want to realize a "Happy family," it is so important to repeat it again and again even if you don't see a result. 4

5. ・Action 1) Be kind ・ “Wash dishes together”
　　　　“It is no small matter to care for the people around you and continue to be kind to them.”
・Action
・ “Wash dishes together”
・ “Go shopping.”
・ “Put a memo in their lunch box.”
・ “Convey your feeling by telephone”
・ “Convey your feeling of gratitude”
・ “Embrace”
○ Decide order to "Praise."
　⇒The first Sunday is for the first son. The second Sunday is for the second son, ... praise everybody.
○ Please embrace him/her tightly.
　And, whisper to him/her, "I love you."
　With small, whispering voice.
　Important point is to speak with a small, whispering voice. This is more effective. 5

6. ・"I am sorry."→ Barometer of initiative
(2) Apologize
・"I am sorry."→ Barometer of initiative
Worrying about how other people may look at me; my image, position and their evaluation on me.
Is "Apology" to my detriment?
It is not so!
Apologize promptly!
If you apologize first, then I will, too. This is the worst.
□It is not so easy for us to apologize. (Example of mother and 26-year-old daughter)
　1) Parents tend to demand their children like, "We, parents are busy," "You, as children, should understand about your parents a little more."
　2) Parents will say, my child doesn't apologize. The parents apologized many times.
　3) Moreover, parents don't know what to apologize about.
　　　Parents have become ignorant about the mind of the child.
　　　You can ask your child honestly, "I don't know what to apologize about."
　4) You should think about your job and your child separately. Think about your child first.
　　　Your mind is often mixed up with many matters and there is no clear priority.
　5) Though parents are apologizing, the child is not feeling the parent’s apology.
　　　Parents' sincerity is not transmitted to the child.
　　　Parents should apologize to the child from the bottom of their heart. At that time, the child may feel for the first time that the parents have apologized.
　6) A new start for the parents and child. 6

7. (3) Do not speak ill of someone who is not with you.
(4) When you make a promise, then keep it (Important)
　　 ・Remember their birthday and have a party
　　・Hold meetings as promised
(5) Forgive
　　・It is a key point to love
　 ・Until you forgive others, you will remain to be a victim
(3) When a child knows that his/her parents never say bad things about him/her, he/she gains big trust in the parents.
(4) Many times parents make a promise to a child, but break it for their own situation.
　　　They do not consider how the child will feel about it.
　　　When a promise is broken, the child really suffers internally.
　　・For a child's birthday, not only just on that day, but please love the child with a special attention for a week before and after the birthday.
(5) Forgive. By continually saying to himself/herself, "I am a victim," he/she remains a victim for a long time.
　　　 There is no happiness ahead. 7

8. A story of a father
　I pondered upon the idea of trust balance deeply. "Is my existence contributing to the happiness of each family member? The answer coming out from my heart was "No. "My existence was making my daughter unhappy. When I realized that fact, I felt my heart was torn apart. When I began to recover from that initial shock to a certain degree, I realized I had to change the way I am, the way of my mind.
I needed to start taking different action towards my daughter, and I made up my mind to love her in a true sense. I needed to stop criticizing her, and stop blaming her as the cause of the problems we are involved in.

9. I had to stop trying to win over her when we fought
I had to stop trying to win over her when we fought. I decided to put my determination into practice at once. I decided to make five “deposits” every day to my trust account for one month. When my daughter came back from school that day, I asked her with a warm smile, “How was school?” “It's none of your business,” replied my daughter coldly. I restrained myself and pretended I didn't hear her words. I kept smiling, and said, “I just wondered if you are well.” I continued making efforts to keep depositing for several days. I also ignored her toxic words.

10. Before, I couldn't be quiet when I heard such words from her, so, it was quite difficult for me not to say anything. I began to realize, each time I hear her toxic words, how miserable our relationship has been. I also realized how much I blamed her and demanded her to change in our relationship without trying to change myself. By not trying to change her but trying to change my feeling and action, I was able to see things from a totally different viewpoint. I also came to understand that she is longing for love and affection. Instead of feeling anger to her attitude who ignores my effort, I began to feel a power spring up from inside of me to deal with her with love and affection. ….

11. □ Let's talk ・What is the trust balance?
・Let's talk to each other about what you think
1) Please discuss with the people next to you about what you can do to "Establish a relationship of trust."
2)Write down your family members' good points.
・Listen to other people how they feel.
○ Try praising your family members till the next seminar
□ By making a good trust balance, you can pave the way to a new horizon for your family.
・You will see a great change in your life and family atmosphere, and approach one step closer to a happy family.
□I look forward to seeing you. Thank you! 11