1. Ken Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia
Raising Children and Adolescents Who are Prepared to THRIVE “Balancing Love with Expectations”
Ken Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed
The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia

2. How do we define
success?

3. Do we have to make a choice between play, success and happiness?

4. What does the “Right” College Get You?

5. Resilience The ability to overcome adversity
The capacity to bounce back
Resilience

6. Resilience is a mindset

7. Resilience is Uneven

8. Resilience is NOT invulnerability

9. Resilience is NOT a character trait
It is affected by supports and circumstances!!!

10. The bottom line
Young people will be more resilient if the important adults in their lives believe in them unconditionally and hold them to high expectations
Young people live up or down to the expectations we set for them

11. Falling in Love to Last a Lifetime: The Most Protective Force in Your Children’s Lives

13. The 7 C’s of Resilience 1. Confidence 2. Competence 3. Connection
4. Character
5. Contribution
6. Coping
7. Control
References: Little, 1993; Pittman et al., 2003; Eccles & Gootman , 2002; Roth & Brooks-Gunn 2003; Lerner, 2004; Ginsburg, 2006; Frankowski, Leader & Duncan, 2009.

14. Big Question 1: How do we love our children without conditions, but still hold them to high expectations?

15. Where do I set the bar?

16. The importance of Connection can not be overstated…
Family
School
Community

17. Connection 101

18. Why does it feel like our connection is challenged during adolescence?

19. Can we be too connected with our children?

20. Listening

21. Perfectionism: A Challenge (And Why an Unrealistic Bar is Harmful)
to both Resilience
and Success
(And Why an Unrealistic Bar is Harmful)

22. And … why isn’t is a good thing?
What is Perfectionism?
And … why isn’t is a good thing?

23. Self Loathing
Fear of the B+
Fear of the “D” word
No “out-of-the-box” thought
The death of creativity
Resents constructive feedback

24. Learning how to fail and recover

25. The Lies You Don’t Want to Buy Into
The SAT’s will pave the way…
You have to be good at everything…
Just put it off…

26. Don’t say “just try your best”
Victims of a toxic society
What do we praise…or notice?
Desire to spare us

27. Choosing to Know Your Child: The Greatest Gift You Can Give BOTH of You High expectations are about your child being his or her best person

28. Learning to build a high achiever
Letting young people make mistakes
Praising effort rather than results
Building Spikes – Celebrating Unevenness

29. Not all perfectionists are

30. Building a Healthy Adult
Your Long Term Goal:
Building a Healthy Adult

31. Having Your Child Love Learning
Your Short Term Goal:
Having Your Child Love Learning

32. Your Medium Term Goal:
Having Your Child Find the Right Academic Match That Will Foster Love of Learning

34. It’s Never Too Late!!

35. When Resilience Reaches Its Limits
Physical symptoms
Fatigue
Disinterest
Dropping grades
Sad mood
Irritability/anger
Substance use

36. When Your Tolerance Reaches Its Limits
Falling Back in Love
Catching Your Kid Being Good
Holding to the Highest Expectation
Honoring Your Spouse/Partner

37. What is high yield?

38. Rebooting Your Relationship
Forgiveness
Being clear about your intentions to change
Being on the same page as your spouse
Apologizing
Listening

39. Rebooting Your Relationship
Not triggering reactions
The “I” Statement
Never Belittling a feeling
Never say “I understand”

40. Rebooting Your Relationship
Helping youth express their emotional thoughts
Check your assumptions
Stay on the current issue
Recognize their expertise
Be prepared to offer solutions
Guiding youth to own their solutions (Next time!)

41. The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Child

42. Fosteringresilience.com