1. School Counseling at Thurgood Marshall
Meghan Kaloper, MA Ed., NCC

2. Delivery of Service Individual Counseling Small Group Counseling
Red: Responsive Services
Emotion management support
Family change: divorce, death
Small Group Counseling
Yellow: Early Intervention
Classroom Guidance Lessons/Skill Practice & School-Wide Initiatives. Consultation & Collaboration.
Green: Preventive Care/ Early Intervention
Skills for Learning: Listening, focusing attention, self-talk, being assertive
Empathy: Understanding perspectives, identifying feelings, accepting differences, showing compassion
Emotion Management: Staying calm, managing anger, hurt feelings, stress
Problem Solving: decision making, dealing with exclusion, peer pressure, name-calling

3. Additional Programs Conflict Mediator Program Recess Mentor Program
4th and 5th grade students actively
assist younger peers in solving conflicts.
Recess Mentor Program
4th and 5th graders engage younger students in play. Mentors model positive behaviors, help students stay safe, and help kids connect in group games.

4. School-Wide Initiatives
Buddy Bench- let your kids know about it!
Wheel of Choice
Taproot Theatre Anti-Bullying Performances

5. Family Supports Family Consultation/Collaboration:
Meetings (Tuesday-Thursday)
Phone meetings (Tuesday-Thursday)
Referral to Outside Counseling & Resources
Book & Activity Suggestions
For students
For families

6. Positive Discipline A school-wide framework. Positive Discipline is:
Kind but Firm (respectful and encouraging)
Helps kids feel a sense of Belonging and Significance
Is Effective Long Term (non-punitive)
Teaches Social and Life Skills for positive character
Invites children to discover how Capable they are
Solution-Focused
Encouraging
Mutual Respect

7. Evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning
Helps school communities integrate the teaching and practice of emotional intelligence into daily life
Trains everyone beginning with the adults
Reduces problem behavior and enhances academic achievement
Watch SPS short video:
TIME:1minute
PURPOSE: Explain the RULER Approach
SAY:
The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, along with other research institutes around the world, have been doing this about emotions and emotional intelligence research for over 25 years. The evidence is in.
We provide educators and families with tools that translate into life skills.
“Everyone with a face” includes children, teachers, administrators, FAMILIES. Children and all the key adults in their lives. It’s not something we try to teach children to do that we don’t do ourselves. You have to walk the talk. Whether we like it or not, our kids are watching us all the time, and learning. We are the role models for how they will handle their emotions.
In order to get along (problem behavior) and achieve academically (pay attention and focus) we need skills and strategies for managing our emotions.

8. Anchor Tools TIME:2 minutes PURPOSE: Review all four RULER Anchors
ASK: Have any of you seen or heard of these Anchor Tools from your children?
Charter: Establish safety and a sense of belonging based on norms
Mood Meter: Increase self awareness and emotion regulation
Meta Moment: Manage response when triggered
Blueprint: Perspective taking and problem solving

9. WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
Emotional intelligence has five key skills:
TIME: 5 minutes
PURPOSE: explain the RULER skills
SAY: RULER skills are the building blocks of emotional intelligence and our School-based program is called RULER. RULER stands for these 5 interrelated skills.
Recognize-emotions in facial expressions, vocal cures, and the body
Understand- the causes and consequences of emotions
Label-the full range of emotions with a rich vocabulary
Express-emotions appropriately in different contexts
Regulate- emotions effectively to foster healthy relationships and achieve goals
*Note: Depending upon your audience, you might want to give a concrete example of how this skill shows up in parenting.
Refer to Handout; RULER and Emotional Intelligence Overview for Families for a fuller explanation of each skill.

10. Charter
Helps enhance school climate and community well-being through establishing common goals and a shared vision
Created by the community (the classroom or the family)- everyone should be part of the process
Clearly and specifically outlines what is needed to build a supportive and productive environment
Shared accountability for behaviors and reduces unkind behaviors
Charters are living documents!
Helps to establish safety based on norms. Focuses on how we want to feel in a given context and what it will take cognitively and behaviorally to achieve those feelings.

11. Family Charter Let’s Share! How do you want to feel at home?
What behaviors help make those feelings? What can you do each day to make sure that everyone experiences those feelings? Be specific!
How should we prevent and manage unwanted feelings/conflict?
Let’s Share!
Does anyone have a Family Charter or something similar?
Would a Family Charter be helpful?
Sample template: content/uploads/2015/06/Yale_Family_Charter.pdf
The Family Charter provides a way of being intentional about the emotional norms a family wants in the home. It is a document that is created by ALL family members to include how each family member wants to feel at home. Since conflict is inevitable, the Charter also includes the agreed upon suggestions of family members for helpful ways of handling uncomfortable feelings and conflict. Creating a family Charter with your children communicates that all feelings are okay (which DOES NOT mean that all behaviors are okay); that everyone deserves to be heard and understood; and that is is our joint responsibility, as a family, to work together toward feeling safe and secure in our home.
Turn and talk in table groups then share in large group.
Show example family template after large group has shared ideas.

12. Mood Meter
Increases self awareness, emotion regulation, and communication about feelings
Expands feeling vocabulary
Energy and Pleasantness (Low and High)
No such thing as a “bad” emotion
The Mood Meter is a tool that we can use personally and professionally to better understand our emotions and how these emotions impact our abilities to interact and form trusting relationships with our children. Depending upon the ages of your children, the Mood Meter can be used to develop all the skills of Emotional Intelligence (recognizing, understanding labeling, expressing and regulating emotions)
No such thing as a BAD emotion. We have choices about how we are going to express emotions that might be more or less appropriate and helpful (anger for example).

13. Mood Meter Check In Recognize: Where are you on the Mood Meter?
Understand: What caused you to feel this way?
Label: What word best describes your feeling?
Express: How are you expressing this feeling?
Regulate: Is this feeling helpful right now? What strategy will you use to feel more, less, or the same?
ENERGY
Reflection/Writing:
1. “Everyone, please sit up straight in your chair. Take a deep breath. How are you feeling? Plot yourself on the Mood Meter in your workbook with an “X”) Presenter: share where you are on the Mood Meter. Also let participants know why you plotted yourself where you did.
2. Next, ask participants to reflect on and then write out the possible cause of their current feeling. The “Why.” (click)
3. Then, ask participants to find the best word to describe their current feeling state. Provide them with about 5 seconds and then ask, again, how many had still had difficulty finding the right word. Show feeling words (click). Let participants know that there are hundreds of words to describe the feelings in each quadrant and a major goal of emotional intelligence is to develop a sophisticated emotion vocabulary; that’s coming soon! (click)
. IV. Mood Meter
TIME: 10 minutes.
ACTIVITY: Getting to know the Mood Meter (Continued)
PURPOSE: Use the MM to understand the RULER skills -Expressing and Regulation
SAY:
1. Next, ask them to describe how their current feeling is being expressed. In other words, how are they “showing” their feeling – what are the indicators in their face/body/voice? This question brings to the forefront the relationship between the inner experience of emotion and outward expression. Ask participants: “How often do you try to hide your feelings from your students? How often do your students try to hide their feelings from you and other students? What are the implications?” (click)
2. Reflection/Rhetorical: “Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Is your current mood one that will best serve the rest of today’s presentation? If yes, how will you maintain that state? If not, think of a strategy that might best serve you so that you can get the most out of the training. Will the same strategy you chose this morning still work?
3. Table Discussion: Ask participants to share their strategies in groups or pairs. (Allow several minutes for this, especially if there are table groups.) (3 minutes)
4. Group Share: Ask for a few examples: What interesting strategies did you learn? Also, if there is time, ask participants to consider the “tool box” their children have to manage their emotions. (2 minutes)
5. Reflection/Rhetorical: “A major goal of emotional intelligence will be to help students to learn effective strategies to manage their emotions. Later in our training, we will focus on building effective strategies for each quadrant of the Mood Meter.”
1. Click to show “where we want you to be for the training.” We want you to leave here today on the right side of the MM, feeling positive about implementing the Anchor Tools.
PLEASANTNESS

14. Family Mood Meter Let’s Share! Who uses the Mood Meter at home?
How do you share or talk about feelings?
How might you utilize the Mood Meter?
What thought or action strategies do you have for regulating or changing your emotions?
How might this tool be helpful?
Turn and talk in table groups then share in large group.

15. MOODMETERAPP.com

16. Meta Moment
Helps students handle strong emotions so that they can make better decisions
It is a brief ‘step-back’ from the situation
Teaches students to pause and think before acting and consider how their ‘best self’ would react in the situation
Meta-Moments are a process that children and adults learn to help them expand the “space in time” between an emotional trigger and a response. Adults and children develop strategies to improve their reflective practices and problem solving skills so they can respond effectively to life’s many emotional experiences.

17. Meta Moments at Home Share out! Does anyone use Meta Moments at home?
Does anyone use something similar during a triggering moment?
How might this be helpful?
What thought or action strategies do your children have for calming down?
Work in table groups and then share in large group.

18. Blueprint Problem Solving Perspective taking Empathy building
The Blueprint helps children problem solve effectively about conflicts, challenging real-time interactions, and upcoming difficult situations. Children and adults work independently and collaboratively to consider each other’s feelings and perspectives and to identify healthy solutions. This can help build empathy in the home.

19. BLUEPRINT: 10 Ways to De-escalate Conflict
Remain calm.
Respect personal space.
Ask person to share what they are experiencing with open-ended questions.
Empathize with feelings.
Give choices and alternative behaviors instead of telling them what to do.
Respond selectively and restate / clarify what the person says.
Ask about the facts instead of emotions.
Give them your undivided attention.
Allow for silence in the conversation.
Thank the person for their positive behavior afterwards.
Blueprint—10 Ways to De-escalate Conflict p. 92
Refer back to the Meet the Parents clip as you review each of these 10 points. Explain what the passenger and the flight attendant in the video clip (or in the participants’ skits) did or didn’t do related to each of these 10 points.
Remain calm. Use a low, “Green” tone of voice. Yelling over or arguing with the individual only will escalate the situation.
Respect personal space. Don’t get too close or try to grab something from the person.
Ask person to share what they are experiencing with open-ended questions. Say, “How can I help you?” instead of “You seem very angry.” People are calmer when they are teaching you rather than being patronized.
Empathize with feelings (not necessarily the behavior). Say, “You have every right to feel angry about that.” Avoid addressing the behavior: “Don’t yell!”
Give choices and alternative behaviors instead of telling them what to do. Instead of forcing an agitated person right into a discussion, try offering a temporary break. “Why don’t you try to get your bag in the compartment one more time? I’ll come back in a minute.”
Respond selectively and restate / clarify what the person says. When the person says “Your airline stinks…”, this can mean a number of things. Try to clarify by saying, “Wow, it seems like your last experience was not great.” Don’t assume that you know what the person means. This also makes the person feel like you’re showing real interest.
Ask about the facts instead of emotions. Instead of saying “Why are you so angry?” try saying, “What happened that caused you to be upset?”
Give them your undivided attention (including body language). Try to move to a place where you can talk one-on-one to avoid embarrassing the person. An audience can complicate the situation and add to the likelihood of defiance or resistance.
Allow for silence in the conversation. Silence allows the individual time to figure out answers and to plan how to say what they need to say.
Thank the person for their positive behavior afterwards. “Thank you for helping to resolve this so quickly. I appreciate it. Enjoy the flight.”
WORKBOOK PAGE 90 A

20. Practice with the Blueprint
Scenario: Your child comes home from school and he/she is feeling very angry and left out by his/her closest friend Devin. Your child reports that at recess Devin said “You can’t play” when your child asked to join a game of tag. You know that when your child and Devin are in small arguments, they sometimes intentionally exclude each other to exert power. Yesterday was a day your child and Devin were in an argument over who could use the bean bag chair in their classroom. You know that yesterday during the beanbag conflict, your child said to Devin, “go away!! It’s mine!”.
Work with a partner using the Blueprint. Imagine having a conversation with your child (after he/she has calmed down) using the Blueprint as a tool. Decide with your partner if you want to explore the incident at recess or the bean bag incident (or both!)

21. BLUEPRINT Debrief What did this activity teach us about emotions?
Emotions influence how we interact and respond to others.
Lots of emotions can occur in a short time period.
Past experiences (“baggage”) influence how we handle emotions.
We have “rules” about emotion at work/home/school.
There are better and worse strategies to handle our emotions.
Blueprint—Case Study Analysis p. 91 (4 of 4)
TIME: 5 minutes.
ACTIVITY: Debrief participants on exercise.
PURPOSE: Summarize the challenges and importance of emotions in our lives.
SAY:
1. Ask participants at their tables (in same pairs) to answer the question (2 minutes)
2. Call on a few participants (2 minutes)
3. Show and discuss the responses on the slide (1 minute)
SUGGESTIONS: Discuss how a failure to recognize an emotion sometimes happens merely because it was poorly expressed; but also point out how the emotional state of the interpreter can prevent him from seeing a perfectly obvious emotion. Talk about how regulating your own, and others’ emotions can be done well, or poorly.

22. Blueprint at Home Share out! Who has used the Blueprint at home?
What tools or strategies do you use to work though a problem?
How might this be helpful?
Turn and talk in table groups then share in large group.

23. Describing Language: How are you feeling?
R: I can see your face looks______.
How is your body feeling?
U: What is causing you to feel this way?
------
L: How are you feeling?
E: Express: It’s OK to feel angry, but how can we show that in a safe and healthy way?
R: What might help you feel better?
TIME:2 minutes PURPOSE: to encourage parents to use Describing Language
SAY:Describing Language is free of Judgment. The child is less likely to feel defensive and stays open to new ideas. The parent/teacher stays in curiosity and the child is engaged in being part of the solution (solving the problem).
Recognize-emotions in facial expressions, vocal cures, and the body
Understand- the causes and consequences of emotions
Label-the full range of emotions with a rich vocabulary
Express-emotions appropriately in different contexts
Regulate- emotions effectively to foster healthy relationships and achieve goals
HOW we say things has a big impact.
SAY: “I am waiting for you.” as if you are in each quadrant of the Mood Meter (red, blue, green and yellow). Wow, the same words have such different impacts.
As children get older, we can scaffold their learning about feelings by asking them questions and describing. Always keep a child’s developmental stage in mind. How might we communicate this to an 8 year old, or a 12 year old?

24. RULER while reading R U L E Recognize Understand Label Express
How is he/she feeling? How do you know he/she is feeling this way? U
Understand
What happened to make him/her feel that way? L
Label
What is the name of this feeling? E
Express
What is his/her face/body doing?
Regulate
What can he/she do to feel better?
TIME:2 minutes
PURPOSE: to share Read Aloud ideas that use characters for developing emotional intelligence skills
SAY:
: for parents of younger children:
Joint storybook reading is another great opportunity to ask RULER questions and to promote your child’s EI
Here are a few examples of questions that encourage children to practice these skills and apply them to comprehension (understanding) literature.
Refer to Handout: RULER Questions Handout (best for parents of early childhood age children, pre-K-2nd)

25. RULER COMMUNITY
SAY & DO:
1. “The new RULER community with updated resources is located at
2. Walk them through the community and its resources, and have them sign up if there is time.
RULER Community website:
Great Schools & Yale:

26. When we feel better we do better!
What are you planning to try at home?
What additional support do you need to feel successful?

27. Success Stories? We want to hear what you are doing! Challenges?
Ideas?
Suggestions?
Tips?

28. Resources Please grab a RULER packet before you leave!
Check the Counseling Department Web Link
Looking for something specific?
Please contact me!

29. Contact Information
Meghan Kaloper
Office 120 (inside workroom)
Phone: (206)
Web:
Schedule: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Thank you! Questions?