1. Children in primary school K-2 January 12, 2017
Child Conflict
Children in primary school K-2
January 12, 2017

2. Three types
Peer conflict
Sibling rivalry
Bullying

3. Normal conflict
Characterized by the child’s developmental level at K-2 children are learning to resolve conflict, becoming less egocentric and learning to fight impulses that are self centered.
Is natural and expected.
Decisions not necessarily made based on thinking about others.
Usually involves equal power.
Is not planned or premeditated.
Often based on emotions.

4. Normal conflict can help to …
Develop conflict resolution skills.
Develop the ability to compromise.
Show empathy.
Learn about other’s view points.
Experience the emotional “ups/downs” of interpersonal relationships.
Learn that a conflict doesn’t have to end relationships.

5. Sibling Rivalry Varies based on developmental stages.
Often argue and fight as they start to focus on their individual needs and place in the family.
Marked by a time when they learn to play, negotiate and begin to compromise.
Siblings often have more time to work through and settle difference themselves. Parents often allow this to occur without intervening as much as when conflicts occur with peers.
Can involve verbal and physical actions
These interactions not typically referred to by parents as bullying although sometimes similar.

6. Bullying An imbalance of power Repeated actions
Intentional actions – intent to harm
Unequal levels of affect
Planned and purposeful– some thought

7. Bullying Is not about anger but rather contempt
Involves a person harming another without feeling empathy, compassion or shame
There is a sense of entitlement
Often an intolerance towards differences
Belief in a sense of permission to exclude

8. Normal Conflict vs. Bullying
Equal power
Happens occasionally
Accidental
Not serious
Equal emotional reaction
Not seeking power or attention
Not trying to obtain something
Takes responsibility
Some remorse
Effort to involve themselves in problem solving
Bullying
Imbalance of power
Repeated actions
Purposeful serious intent to harm (physical or psychological)
Seeking power and/or control
Gain material items
Blames victim, no remorse
No effort to be included in problem solving

9. Teasing and Taunting Teasing done between friends
Taunting purposefully done to make someone feel poorly about themselves and usually involves a difference in power
Teasing generally associated with normal conflict and taunting associated with bullying.

10. Teasing Children could easily swap roles on any given day.
Innocent no motive to harm
Discontinued if negative emotional /affective output is understood
Comments may be part of pop culture (exposure to media or siblings/friends has a huge impact on this).

11. Taunting Imbalance of power
May involve the intent to include others in the teasing behavior.
Continues even when the emotional/ affective output is understood (difficult for K-2 children to have this understanding).
May involve cruel demeaning comments.

12. Conflict 2017
Children have less opportunities to work out conflicts on their own due to …
Adult mediation
High level of supervision
Structured activities
Decreased open ended and creative play
Focus on bullying in society quick intervention
Busy family schedules create pressure for quick fixes.
High focus on labeling all conflict as hurtful and/or bullying.
Known effects of bullying heighten our responses when we feel our children are not being treated fairly.
People’s are uncomfortable with conflict – connection to violence in the media.

13. Positive conflict resolution
Learning to have disappointment and how to cope.
Important part of social integration.
Making interpersonal mistakes to enhance interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence.
Development of conflict resolution skills
Understanding that conflict is OK

14. Skills developed in early primary years that lead to conflict resolution
Takes turns
Playing fair
Using words rather than actions
Saying things nicely
Apologizing
Sharing
Listening
Empathy
Give and take of opinions
Time often heals

15. Reality Not all children will get along with everyone.
A disagreements/conflict does not doom a friendship.
Conflict does not always equal bullying.
Conflict is OK and can be used as a teachable moment.

16. Friendship Ages five and six Focus on their own needs
Beginning to understand that others have different points of view
Don’t realize that friendships are an ongoing process with ups and downs
Short term view of friendship sometimes activity to activity, hour to hour, day to day …
It usually applies to an episode(s) of being together
Often based on parental/neighborhood/activity relationships

17. Friendship Ages 7 and 8 Friendship become more personable
Beginning to like and dislike people but not sure how to manage these feelings.
Children pick friends based on interest and activities which can end up looking like excluding behavior.

18. Ten ways to help children maintain friendships
Show kindness and respect
Stick up for people
Be supportive
Tell the truth
Say sorry
Accept apologizes
If you make promises keep them
Put effort into your friendships – give and take
Don’t try to change friends
Treat them as you want to be treated
Taken from the book The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, written by Barbara Coloroso (p119)

19. What we do at Council Rock
Encourage children say STOP and be specific about the behavior when behaviors occur that make them feel uncomfortable.
Encourage children to report on going conflicts.
Take situations seriously and monitor them closely.
Reinforce conflict resolution skills.
Have high expectations for pro social behaviors.
Use a continuum of consequences for behavioral issues.
Talk openly about bullying.
Encourage children to speak up when they see other children treating each other in negative ways.

20. What parents can do…
Listen and encourage your child to talk about their day.
If your child reports peer conflicts or bullying behavior talk to them in a calm manner and try not to have too high of an emotional reaction.
Use open ended questions.
Try to problem solve with them.
Role play actions they might take.
Share stories of conflicts you had and positive resolutions to those situations.
When watching TV discuss conflicts and how they were resolved.
Identify people at school and encourage your child to talk with these people if conflicts occur at school.
Access school resources.