1. Parenting for Peace COMMUNICATION SKILLS Dr.Sushma Desai
Dr. Sushma Desai

2. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
Communication
Communication (the way we interact with our children ) is an important art which every parent should learn
Helps children to become confident and lovable adults with high self esteem.
Strengthens the parent – child bonding.
Protective factor which prevents high risk behaviours like running away from home, substance abuse, violence and self harm ( e.g. suicidal attempts )
Children need love, respect and encouragement in almost all interactions esp. from the parents. That is why, a loving interaction with them strengthens the parent – child bonding.
Dr. Sushma Desai

3. Components of communication
(1) Verbal : Use of words for the interaction Tone, volume. Softness of voice are also very important, (2) Nonverbal : Our body language while we communicate, i.e. facial expression, eye contact and movements of hands, arms & legs posture. 93% of our communication is nonverbal and has a great impact on child’s emotions and memory. The child listens less and imitates more. whatever we say in whichever manner will be directly reflected in their way of communication. They may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel
Children often forget the words but remember the tone and the impact it created on his or her mind.
Dr. Sushma Desai

4. Components of communication
(3) Written : Expression of the ideas feelings etc. through writing. Important way of communication esp. with adolescents. They are impulsive and argumentative. So, to avoid un-pleasant episodes, we can express ourselves through writing / encourage them to write down their thoughts & feelings.
Dr. Sushma Desai

5. Components of communication
(4) Active listening : the most important part of communication esp. with children, It includes showing interest, paying undivided attention ,reflecting the emotions# and adopting a “non interruption” attitude*. Let them complete their version without jumping to the opinions, conclusions and solutions. The best way to understand people is to listen to them - Ralph Nichols (5) Humour : becoming a child with a child is the best way of entering into the inner world of the child. **
*which we the parents are lacking most of the time. When the child comes from the school he/she is all excited to say all those things, which occurred in the school, what do we do ? majority of the time, we start giving opinions, criticize teachers / friends / school or directly start asking about the lesions.
#(like oh ! is that so ! i can understand how you felt etc.)
** This is why a playful grandpapa wins the heart of child than disciplining mother ! Similarly, in case of adolescents, recalling some relevant moments and incidences from our own teenage days and sharing it with them will facilitate bonding and sharing which is extremely important to prevent adolescents’ high risk behaviours.
Dr. Sushma Desai

6. Methods of communication
(1) During Pregnancy :
A cool & calm happy mother will give birth to healthy and cheerful baby.
A loving talk form both- father and mother with the unborn baby together with feeling the parts of baby or gentle strokes to the baby will strengthen the bond.
Quarrelsome atmosphere in the surrounding , disturbed and stressed out mother will give birth to cranky, irritable child and this personality trait will last for ever.
It is scientifically proved that baby in uterus feels the rhythm of heart beats & rocking movements of breathing act of mother. Baby can hear the voice of mother and the people around if spoken from close quarters
Dr. Sushma Desai

7. Methods of communication
(2) New born baby :
Gentleness in handling, eye contact, soft tone of the voice, convey positive bonding.
Provide close personal contact whenever baby is awake. This will keep your baby happy & healthy with positive mental & emotional health.
A mother understands what a child doesn’t say
Dr. Sushma Desai

8. Methods of communication
(3) Toddler (1-3 years) :
This is the period when children develop trust & confidence in parents.
Give positive instruction about what to do instead of giving negative signals *
Promises have to be kept to ensure development of trust on parents. Be honest with the reason if you are not able to keep your promise.
This is the period when children watch and imitate (aping) us. So be very careful about choice of words, manner in which they are spoken and your body language. esp. when parents are interacting with each other.
(like આ નહી કર, મેલુ નહીં કર, આમ કરશે તો પોલીસને બોલાવીશ / બાવો આવશે વગેરે )
Gender sensitization starts from this age,so always be careful while communicating with siblings of opposite genders.
The boys learn from father’s behaviour with mother as well as sister and the girls from mother’s behavior with father and brother.
Dr. Sushma Desai

9. Methods of communication
(4) School going children :
Sharing of the thoughts and emotions starts from this age
Always try to attend the child when he / she comes from the school. It’s important to hear the immediate emotions from school when children are eager to share
Dr. Sushma Desai

10. Methods of communication
(4) School going children :
Ask open ended question (which doesn’t have answer as “yes/no”. It generates discussion – it begins with what, when, how, why etc.( e.g. don’t ask “did you eat you snack today ? ” instead- “what did you eat in your snacks today ?”)
Use humour to encourage disclosure.
Dr. Sushma Desai

11. Methods of communication
(4) School going children ( contd):
Do not limit conversation to mundane realities like feeding, academics and preparations for the next day etc.
If you want your child to improve, let him/her overhear the nice things you say about them to others.
If you want your children to improve,
Dr. Sushma Desai

12. Methods of communication
5) Adolescents :
Most difficult period to establish the communication* but most amazing and fascinating.
Issues that can affect communication with adolescents :
Pre occupation of adolescents in their own world.
Failure to identify clicking point to get into conversation (e.g. asking about their hobbies favourite sport, film stars etc. will help to initiate conversation ).
*esp. if you have not established a rapport previously.
Dr. Sushma Desai

13. Methods of communication
5) Adolescents (contd.)
Adolescence do not believe /do not know that their parents have more experience in life. Hence do not value their advice/ wisdom and directions .
They spend majority of their time in school, with friends (who are more imp. than family at this stage ) and for their sports / coaching class & other activities. This decreases opportunity for communication with their parents.
Dr. Sushma Desai

14. Methods of communication
5) Adolescents(contd.) :
They don’t confide readily & don’t share their feelings as much as they do when they are younger.
At times they are confused in expression of their ideas / feelings / thoughts.
Parents in their attempt to steer their adolescent in the right pathway always try to correct or teach something, They pay more attention to the mistakes, misbehaviour and failure rather than their success and accomplishment.
Dr. Sushma Desai

15. Methods of communication
5) Adolescents(contd.) :
These all result in negative communication, resulting into an arrogant, rebellious, frustrated and disoriented youth. (reacting and snapping at every occasion without listening anything )*
such teenagers indulge more into violence and are prone to high risk behaviour like sub-abuse, rash driving, date violence etc.
*this happens more frequently with parents who have not kept their channel of communication open with the children.
Dr. Sushma Desai

16. Methods of communication
Adolescence(contd.) :
What parents must do to enhance the communication with their adolescents ?
Listen more than speak: let them complete their version. Listen with full attention without making impatient gestures (like looking at the watch talking on phone gesture of arms & legs etc. ).
Created time / create opportunities to talk to your teen: e.g. during breakfast / dinner, offering to pick-up / drop to & fro school / tuition class, watching their favourite sport together (with a friendly discussion in between), going for a walk together, family picnics etc.
Dr. Sushma Desai

17. Methods of communication
Adolescents(contd.) :
Keep up with their interest :like sports, hobbies, films, arts, music etc.
This gives a subject to talk about and then we can generate a feeling of “friendliness” which can help adolescents to talk more about their feeling in times of their needs / distress
Avoid all negative communications like nagging, harsh criticism , yelling to force compliance etc.
This will lead to permanent conflicts and will push our teen to self harm, depression, poor self esteem etc.
Dr. Sushma Desai

18. Methods of communication
Adolescence(contd.) :
Turn negative incidences into positive communication: try to give constructive criticism.*
Try to acknowledge and celebrate their achievements.
*e.g. if they are doing something which not up to the mark, say, oh ! it works quite o.k. you did very beautifully last time isn’t it ? what was special that time ? the teenager will start evaluating his mistake himself
Dr. Sushma Desai

19. Methods of communication
Adolescent(contd.) :
Rights and freedom for adolescents :
There should be clearly set house rules for everyone which should be consistently followed by parents as well as children.
Keep their desire for privacy and watchful independence in case of adolescents when we set the rules.
Try to apologise for our own mistakes honestly, this sets an example and our teen will also reflect the same without hesitation ( they have a very strong ego ).
Dr. Sushma Desai

20. Methods of communication
Adolescence(contd.) :
Whenever there is necessity to say “no”, we must explain the reason (why they are denied a particular thing ), which is honest and true. This gives a very strong positive parenting signal for character building.
These adolescents will understand the feelings of parents correctly and will never demand / desire unrealistic things.
Above all “ BE A LOVING PARENT, parents must be able to convey that the love showered on him/ her is “unconditional ”i.e. They value them & love them in the way they are and will support them in the time of need.
Dr. Sushma Desai

21. Methods of communication
Adolescence(contd.) :
Don’t miss a single opportunity to show your love to them (a loving pat, hug, kisses ), as the same moment will never come again.
Expression of love and genuine appreciation of their smallest good deed will make our teens feel that they are very important and valuable at least to their parents. Such adolescents will never fall prey of behaviours like self harm, depression or running away from home.
Dr. Sushma Desai

22. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
In nutshell
To put in nutshell attentive communication is essential for parents & teachers to deal with children & adolescents for :
It’s key element in inter – personal relationship
It contributes to character building of our children & adolescents- the future citizens
Lack of effective communication results in unresolved conflicts & stress and will push our youth to high risk behaviour like violence. substance abuse, self harm, depression and running away from home etc.
Dr. Sushma Desai

23. Dr. Sushma Desai www.parentingforpeace.in
Thank you
Dr. Sushma Desai