1. 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
Based on Thomas W. Phelan , PhD’s Award Winning Book
Presented by Kellie Hill, MS, LPC-S, NCC

2. About Kellie Grew up in NY Graduated from UST with a B.A. in education
Graduated from UHCL with a M.S. in Counseling
Counselor for 15 years
Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor
3 daughters (9,11,13)
Divorced parent
Runner

3. Overview 1. About 1-2-3 Magic 2. Building a Solid Foundation
Your Job as a Parent
Challenging the “Little Adult” Assumption
Avoiding the 2 Biggest Discipline Mistakes
3. Controlling Obnoxious Behavior

4. 1-2-3 Magic
1-2-3 Magic is a program that is easy to learn and is effective.
The best way to get started is to just do it.
It might get worse before it gets better
Only to be used with people who have emotional regulation

5. How to Prepare for the World’s Most important job
Effective parents have 2 important qualities:
Warm and friendly on the one hand
Demanding and firm on the other
Automatic –VS-Deliberate
Identify automatic parenting habits that are helpful/harmful
Practice, Practice, Practice!
The Goal: Effective, automatic parenting

6. Your Job as a Parent Job 2: Encouraging good behavior
Job 1: Controlling Obnoxious Behavior Use Counting to STOP whining, arguing, teasing, badgering, tantrums, yelling, and fighting.
Job 2: Encouraging good behavior
(7 simple methods)
Job 3: Strengthen your relationship with your children
Paying attention to the quality of your relationship helps with Job 1 & Job 2

7. Types of Behaviors Stop Doing something negative we want them to Stop
Counting is simple, gentle, and direct
Start
Not doing something negative we want them to stop
Takes more energy for both parent and child

8. Parenting Job 1: Controlling obnoxious Behavior
Stop Behaviors
Frequent, minor, everyday issues
Examples
Whining, disrespect, tantrums, arguing, teasing, fighting, pouting, yelling
Use Counting
“I’m tired. Please try to go to bed. Okay?”
Video Demonstration
How to Use Counting

9. Parenting Job 2: Encourage Positive Behavior
Used for Start Behaviors
These are positive activities you would like to see your child do.
Examples
Doing homework, cleaning room, getting up and out in the morning, going to bed, eating supper
7 Tactics
Praise, simple requests, kitchen timers, the docking system, natural consequences, charting, and the counting variation
“Thanks for doing the dishes.”; “I expect your homework to be completed by 5 pm.”(NO…OK?);”You’ve got 3 things in the kitchen I would like put in your room. I’m setting the timer for 10 minutes. I bet you can beat it!”; If you don’t do the work, you don’t get paid,; Let the world teach the lesson;sticker charts;

10. Challenging the Little Adult Assumption
The Assumption
Kids are just mini adults
You can rely on words to reason with them
The Crucial Point
Words and reason will be failures most of the time
“Talk-Persuade-Argue-Hit Syndrome”
The Developmental Truth
Kids are born selfish and unreasoanble.
It’s our job to teach frustration tolerance.
Dictatorship to Democracy

11. Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes
“If your little child can get big, old you all upset, your upset is the big splash for him. Your emotional outburst accidentally makes your child feel powerful.”
Too Much Talking
Makes kids less likely to cooperate
It’s irritating, confusing, and distracting
Leads to Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome
Too Much Emotion
Watching you get upset is a reward
This is referring to negative/angry emotion
Some adults may find they need assistance in regulating their own emotions

12. Getting Results through counting
Sometimes your silence speaks louder than words
Use it for stopping behaviors
The “magic” is not in the counting; it’s in the No talking and No Emotion rules
Count in a firm tone; after 3 there is a consequence
After consequence – there is NO talking about it
NOTHING – No EMOTION!
Quick results and good control

13. Child engages and tests
Counting Challenges
Most issues have to do with parents forgetting the No Emotion/No Talking Rule
When you keep talking it often becomes begging.
Parents then take on the responsibility instead of the child
Misbehavior
Parent begs/tantrums
Child engages and tests

14. The Benefits of counting
Energy Saving – you stay calmer and feel better
More Affection, More Fun
Your Authority Is Not Negotiable – You’re the boss!
The punishment is Short and Sweet
Easy for Other Caretakers to Learn

15. Time-Out Alternatives
Earlier Bedtime
No dessert or Treat
No use of phone/technology
Small chore (clean toilet)
Loss of video games (or reduced time)
Monetary Fine

16. Counting Challenges What if he/she will not go to timeout?
Can you count different behaviors to get to three?
Can you ever ignore anything? (MBA)
How long do you take between counts?
Can you use a chair for time out? Visual contact broken
What if they count you back?
What if other people are over or you’re at a store? *