1. NEGOTIATION How Relationships are Built
Anita R. Webb, PhD
JPS Family Medicine Residency
Fort Worth, Texas

2. The Need We negotiate numerous times every day.
In every aspect of our lives, including
Patients
Colleagues
Family
Friends
People we manage
People who manage us

3. Example: Marriage
What are the 4 most common topics of marital conflict (in our culture)? $
Intimacy
In-laws
Kids

4. Marital Conflict What strategies do couples use to settle conflicts?
Power-struggles
Passivity
Avoidance
Other?
What are the pitfalls of each of these strategies?

5. Negotiation: The Philosophy
Disagreement can produce conflict.
Conflict is a problem that you jointly own.
Joint problems are best solved jointly
“Two heads are better than one”
Partnership
Win-win
“Dancing, not wrestling”

6. The Goal and Method Goal Method Pick a topic to use as an example
Achieve mutually agreeable outcome
Method
Enhanced communication
Pick a topic to use as an example

7. The Components 1. People 2. Interests/needs 3. Options/solutions
4. Criteria/evaluation

8. 1. People Goal is to understand the other person’s Method Perspective
Needs
Method
Temporarily suspend your focus on self
Listen closely [next slide]

9. Communication Skills Two skills sets: 1. Listening skills
2. Talking skills

10. Listening Skills Find some TRUTH in what the person says
Disarming technique
Express empathy for their thoughts and feelings
Thoughts: Paraphrase what they have said.
Feelings: Acknowledge their feelings.
Inquiry: Ask GENTLE questions.
To learn more about their thoughts, feelings

11. Talking Skills No blaming Own your feelings “I feel ______”
Not: “You make me feel _______”
Convey respect
No matter how upset/angry you feel
Say something truthfully positive
Stay in the present

12. 2. InterestsNeeds: Ask Yourself
“Why does this matter so much?”
To me?
To them?
Address your needs AND their needs
Identify, understand
Prioritize
Goal of negotiation:
A solution to satisfy both sets of needs

13. 3. Options/Solutions Invent them! Be creative, think out of the box
Brainstorm
As many options as possible
No censoring at this point
Stay focused on the goal
To find a mutually acceptable solution

14. 4. Criteria/Evaluation Acceptability of options Fairness Reason
Guidelines to evaluate options
Find evidence
Past precedents

15. Required Attitudes and Skills
Collaboration attitude
Seeking mutual benefit
Equal power
Play nice!
Communication skills
Cognitive creativity
(cont.)

16. Attitudes, Skills (continued)
Communication skills
Listen with empathy
Talk with respect
Creativity
Brainstorming
Choose fair, reasonable option

17. Role Play
Volunteers!

18. Conclusions It’s the relationship, stupid! Underlying social contract
Negotiating contributes to development of:
The relationship
Discover what matters to them (and to us)
Our interpersonal/communication skills

19. Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Negotiation skills are easy to learn
But not always easy to use
Implementation requires emotional intelligence
How well we understand and handle ourselves
How well we understand and handle each other
(cont.)

20. EI (cont.) Emotional intelligence Self-awareness Empathy
Your needs/emotions/attitudes
Empathy
Their needs, emotions, attitudes
Concern for the other person’s welfare
Self-regulation of your emotions
Emotional maturity

21. Recommendation Start practicing now Teach your partner by example
Will accelerate your maturation
Will grow your emotional IQ
Teach your partner by example
Lifelong process of personal development
Will help you in all of your relationships
At home, at work, at play, etc.

22. The End
Reference: Stephen Bogdewic, PhD
STFM Messenger (April 2003)