1. Conflict in Relationships
Lesson Nine

2. Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships
What Do You Think?
#1 True or False: Avoiding conflict is a good way to preserve a relationship.
On the bottom is the section name and #.... I changed this one….
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

3. Conflict Is Inevitable
Prepare
Is all conflict bad and should it be avoided? Explain.
Student Journal page 61
Conflict Is Inevitable
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

4. Conflict Is Inevitable
Think about a time when something was bothering you in a relationship but you tried to ignore it in order to preserve the relationship. Did the issue go away?
How did avoiding the issue affect the relationship?
Student Journal page 61
Conflict Is Inevitable
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

5. Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships
What Do You Think?
#2 True or False: The closer you are to someone (“the better a friend they are”), the less likely it will be that you will have conflict.
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

6. Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships
Prepare
Think of someone with whom you have had the most conflict.
What is the relationship you have with this person?
What is your level of closeness?
Closeness Breeds Conflict
Student Journal page 61
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

7. Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships
Prepare
Think about a time when conflict within a relationship happened as a result of expectations.
How did that affect the relationship?
How would an attitude of “conflict is normal” have helped?
Closeness Breeds Conflict
Student Journal page 61
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

8. Enrich Expectations and Conflict
Complete Resource 9a.

9. Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships
What Do You Think?
#3 True or False: Conflicts will disappear over time if they are ignored or just left alone.
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

10. Why Does Conflict Occur in Relationships
Prepare
The hierarchy of conflict model helps us understand how a small issue can potentially turn into a huge issue when it is not resolved.
Why Does Conflict Occur in Relationships 23
Section 9.1: Conflict in Relationships

11. Enrich The Hierarchy of Conflict
Complete The Hierarchy of Conflict Worksheet (Resource 9b).

12. #4 True or False: Conflict should always be avoided.
What Do You Think?
#4 True or False: Conflict should always be avoided.
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

13. Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict
Prepare
“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” –William Ellery Channing
What do you think is meant by the following quotation?
Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?
Trust that Conflict is Natural…and Purposeful
Student Journal page 62
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

14. Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict
Prepare
Describe a recent conflict you have been in (with yourself or another person). Was there an underlying sense of unfairness that caused the conflict?
Trust that Conflict is Natural…and Purposeful
Student Journal page 62
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

15. Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict
What Do You Think?
#5 True or False: To avoid hurting someone’s feelings when something is bothering you, it is best to say nothing.
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

16. Don’t Avoid ‘Negative’ Issues
Prepare
What have you noticed tends to happen when you or others avoid disagreements or other negative issues?
Don’t Avoid ‘Negative’ Issues
Student Journal page 62 4
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

17. Enrich Conflict in Marriage Resource 9c
Which of the items do you notice have to do with attempting to avoid negative issues?
What other factors can improve the outcomes for unhappily married couples?

18. Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict
What Do You Think?
#6 True or False: Oftentimes problems arise simply because people do not feel understood, valued, appreciated, or otherwise treated fairly.
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

19. Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict
Five Steps for Resolving Minor Conflict
Stay in the moment.
Be specific.
Be brief and simple.
Wait for a response.
Balance negative and positive comments.
Resolving Conflict
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

20. 10 Steps for resolving Major conflict
Set a time and a place for discussion.
Define the problem or issue of disagreement.
Talk about how each of you contributes to the problem.
List past unsuccessful attempts to resolve the issue.
Brainstorm new ways to resolve the conflict.
Resolving Conflict
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

21. 10 Steps for resolving Major conflict
Discuss and evaluate possible solutions.
Agree on one solution to try.
Agree on how each individual will work toward this solution.
Set up another meeting to discuss your progress.
Reward each other as you each contribute toward a solution.
Resolving Conflict
Section 9.2 Attitudes and Strategies to Address Conflict

22. Enrich Resolving Major or Reoccurring Conflict
Complete the second half of page 62 in the Student Journal.

23. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
What Do You Think?
#7 True or False: When you feel angry, expressing it immediately is often the best thing to do.
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

24. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
“Consider how much more often you suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.” —Marcus Antonius
What does this quote mean to you?
Student Journal page 63
Anger and Conflict
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

25. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Give an example of a time you were angry. How did you feel? Were you negatively affected too?
Have you ever found yourself reacting out of anger and then later regretting something you have done?
Student Journal page 63
Anger and Conflict
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

26. #8 True or False: Venting anger releases the feeling of anger.
What Do You Think?
#8 True or False: Venting anger releases the feeling of anger.
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

27. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
#1 Reacting to anger
Think of a time when you either reacted with anger or were on the receiving end of somebody’s angry outburst.
How were you affected?
How was the relationship affected?
What to do about Anger
Student Journal page 63
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

28. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
What Do You Think?
#9 True or False: Depression and anxiety are often caused by anger that has been repressed.
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

29. #2 Forgetting anger. (repression)
Prepare
#2 Forgetting anger. (repression)
Think of a time when you repressed your anger.
How were you affected?
How was the relationship affected?
What to do about Anger
Student Journal page 64
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

30. Enrich
Myth or Fact?
Journal Page 64

31. Enrich Myths and Facts of Anger
Is this a myth?

32. #10 True or False: Anger is caused by other people.
What Do You Think?
#10 True or False: Anger is caused by other people.
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

33. Prepare #3 Managing anger
“An argument is always about what has been made more important than the relationship” —Hugh Prathner.
Do you agree or disagree? Why?
What to do about Anger
Student Journal page 64
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

34. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Change your perception about the event.
Describe a time when you changed your perception about something that was bothering you.
Resource 9e
Managing Anger
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

35. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Learn what provokes your anger.
Make a list of things that “push your buttons” or trigger you to be angry.
Resource 9e
Managing Anger
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

36. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Recognize and admit your own anger.
Think about a time you were really angry and make a list of how your body responded or felt.
Resource 9e
Managing Anger
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

37. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Learn to do a self time-out.
What are some other things you can do to calm yourself down during a timeout?
Resource 9e
Managing Anger
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

38. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Strive to understand the other person’s point of view.
Have you experienced a time when someone could have responded with anger but chose to attempt to understand your point of view?
How did that affect your relationship with them and the outcome of the situation?
Resource 9e
Managing Anger
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

39. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Express your anger constructively.
What are some ways in which you have destructively and constructively dealt with anger?
Resource 9e
Managing Anger
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

40. Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict
Prepare
Have a plan of action for when you do get angry.
Student Journal page 65
Managing Anger
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

41. Identify the problem
Think of potential solutions before responding.
Consider the consequences of each solution.
Make a decision.
Check your progress.

42. Enrich Anger Management
Complete Resource 9f.

43. Section 9.4 Fighting Fairly
What Do You Think?
#11 True or False: When people have conflict, they tend to fight fairly.
Section 9.4 Fighting Fairly

44. Prepare “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
—Albert Einstein.
What do you think this quote means?
How can conflict be beneficial to a relationship?
Fighting Fairly
Student Journal page 66
Section 9.3 Anger: It Often Precedes and Follows Conflict

45. Enrich Fighting Fairly
Journal Page 66

46. Enrich 16 Rules for Fighting Fairly
Brainstorm a list of ground-rules that should be followed during conflicts and arguments.

47. Section 9.4 Fighting Fairly
What Do You Think?
#12 True or False: When there is a problem in a relationship, usually both people are at fault.
Section 9.4 Fighting Fairly

48. Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Prepare
Building a healthy relationship means learning to forgive and to seek forgiveness when necessary.
Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Student Journal page 67 30
Section 9.4 Fighting Fairly

49. Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Prepare
Give an example of a time you had to forgive someone.
Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Student Journal page 67
Section 9.4 Fighting Fairly

50. Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Prepare
Is it easier to ask for forgiveness or to grant forgiveness? Explain.
Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Student Journal page 67
Section 9.4 Fighting Fairly

51. Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Enrich
Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
Journal Page 67

52. Enrich Practicing Forgiveness
Was it easier to ask for forgiveness or to grant forgiveness? Explain.

53. Prepare/Enrich/Inspire for teens
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