1. High Conflict Personalities
Mediation & Conflict Resolution

2. High Conflict Characteristics (Generally)
Rigid and uncompromising
Difficulty accepting and healing from loss
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
High conflict does not complete all five stages of grief; carries it with them
Emotions dominate their thinking
Inability to reflect on their own behavior
Difficulty empathizing with others
Preoccupied with blaming others
Avoids responsibility
Depends on others to solve problems

3. High Conflict Categories
Aggressive
Loud voice or yelling
Finger pointing
Staring, glaring, dominating postures
Uncooperative
Unwilling to agree to any solutions presented, challenge suggestions
Say “no” frequently, shakes head
Past and Problem Focused
Focused on what happened, not needs to occur in future
Repeat and rehash details, hardships, claims

4. Why are people “high conflict”?
Past learning history
We are shaped to behave as we do because of past social learning
Personality Dynamics
Our personalities are shaped in childhood, therefore, are deeply engrained and longstanding
Personalities define who we are
Emotional Investment
Some people highly invested in their position, causing them to show strong emotions as they present position and perceptions
Poor Communications Skills
People with poor communication skills may struggle with being heard and understood
Leads to strong emotions and/or inappropriate behaviors
Lack of Perceived Equity
Person often begins by making statements of entitlements
Leads to escalated tension or violence (fight for what they think they should have)

5. High Conflict Personality Issues
Possible personality disorders (Ex: antisocial, paranoid, narcissistic)
Extreme behavior patterns
Interpersonal dysfunctions
Impulse control
Lack of self awareness
Why they are how they are
How they contribute to their own problems
How to change
Why they are upset
How they affect other people
Do not gain insights from feedback
Lack of adaptation:
Patterned behavior
Social impairment
Internal distress

6. Left Brain / Right Brain
LEFT HEMISPHERE
Logical Brain
Conscious
Language, Thinking in words
Planning, Systematic
Examines Details
Rational Analysis
Positive and Calm Emotions
RIGHT HEMISPHERE
“Relationship Brain”
Unconscious
Thinks in pictures, Non-verbal skills
Creativity, Art, Intuition
Facial Recognition and Cues
Gut Feelings, Negative Emotions (hurt, anger, fear)

7. Talking to the “Right Brain”
Tone of voice and body language: calm, confident, firm
Avoid logical arguments in times of stress
Avoid giving negative feedback
Avoid threats
Don’t say they have a personality problem

8. High Conflict – Warning Signs
Initial Stance:
Approach situation with closed-mind or defensive
Strong and Inappropriate Language:
Rude, disrespectful, profane, verbal attacks or threats, repeated interruptions
Inappropriate Body Language:
Lean forward, rolling eyes, pointing, hitting nearby physical objects or own body, staring down other people, getting in someone else’s personal space
Signs of Impatience:
Questions like “How long is this going to last? How much longer?”, frequent references about time or schedules, suggestions that conversation is useless
Escalated Tension:
Continued inappropriate language or behavior, clear and observable friction, blaming other person for difficulties, name-calling, attack other person’s logic
Anger:
Strong emotional response, talking loudly, banging fist on desk, uneven breathing, making threats

9. Dealing with High Conflict People
1) Listen with empathy, attention and respect
Acknowledge the person’s feelings (verbal, non-verbal); deal with your own
Let the person know you care
Connect, but don’t take over their responsibilities
2) Structure
High conflict people need structure and goals, otherwise, emotions take over
Stay focused on future and goals
Turn complaints into proposals
3) Make a List
Have the high conflict person write a list; it refocuses their energy and shifts back to left brain
4) Reality Test
Keep burden of resolving dilemma on the parties, but can provide alternative solutions
Educate or remind them about consequences

10. REMINDERS: This week is semester midpoint
Journals due Sunday by 11:59PM
Topics: Defensiveness, High Conflict Persons
Monday 3/9: Bullying
Wednesday 3/11: GSU Omsbud Office Guest Lecture