1. Cleaning Up the Dirty Fighting in Your SGA
ASGA New Orleans Michael D. Anthony, Ph.D.

2. Conflict Continuum How do you feel about conflict?
A = Energized, “I love it!” B C D
E = Drains me, “I hate it!”

3. Assertiveness Concepts
From text, Exploring Leadership, 2nd ed.
In every communication, each person has a _______________ to be heard and a _________________ to listen.

4. Assertiveness Concepts
Each has a right to make a ___________________ or ask a question, and the recipient has the right to make his or her own decision without ______________.

5. Assertiveness Concepts
Being assertive does not mean that you get your own way but that you did what you could to be _______________.

6. Assertiveness Concepts
Practicing relational leadership…you would have done your best to _______________ their involvement, ____________ for true understanding, and be a productive community member.

7. Comparison
Non-assertive
Aggressive
Passive-Aggressive
Assertive

8. Non-Assertive I don’t count, you count. Goals Characteristics
Underlying Messages
I don’t count, you count.
Goals
To appease others
To avoid conflict at any cost
Characteristics
Low self esteem
Deferential treatment of others
Self-denying actions
Dishonest communication (of negative or unpleasant feelings or actions)
Martyr attitude
Automatic acquiescing to others
Reluctance to take a stand
Positive Consequences
Conflict is avoided
Considered a good guy
Negative Consequences
Diminished self esteem
Unexpressed feelings of anger or hurt
Internal tension
Reinforcing the demands of others

9. Aggressive To dominate and win. You don’t count, I count. Goals
Underlying Messages
You don’t count, I count.
Goals
To dominate and win.
Characteristics
Inappropriate anger
Selfishness
Judgmental stance and accusations toward others
Attitude of superiority
Seek immediate payoff, demanding own way
Discounting of others
Putdowns of the total person, not just his behavior
Punitive toward others
Positive Consequences
Getting one’s way
Achieving a sense of power over others
Negative Consequences
Creating resentment in others and eliciting their retaliation
Feelings of guilt and of alienation from others

10. Passive-Aggressive To dominate and win. You don’t count, I count.
Underlying Messages
You don’t count, I count.
Goals
To dominate and win.
Characteristics
Procrastination in carrying out other’s requests
Misunderstanding of others
Forgetting a the expense of others
Being consistently late and keeping others waiting
Getting angry over the wrong thing or at the wrong person
Withholding warmth as a punishment
Developing physical symptoms which inconvenience others
Positive Consequences
Achieving one’s goals without creating conflict
Negative Consequences
Internal stress
Creation of resentment in others
Feelings of anxiety and alienation

11. Assertive To respect others’ rights, while standing up for one’s own.
Underlying Messages
I count, you count.
Goals
To respect others’ rights, while standing up for one’s own.
Characteristics
Honesty in communication
Directness in dealing with others
Respect for others, but no deference
Consideration of the rights of others
Appropriate response to others
Regard for self
Ability to choose how to respond
Positive Consequences
Increase in self esteem and self confidence, and in respect from others
Greater likelihood of having one’s needs met and one’s wishes respected
Chances for closer and more satisfying relationships enhanced
Negative Consequences
Threatening a relationship that is based on a previous non-assertive behavior, aggressive or hostile reactions from others or over apologetic reactions from others

12. What is an Assertive Response?
Direct Indirect
Honest Dishonest
Appropriate Inappropriate
Respectful Disrespectful
Focus on my Focus on others’
Feelings/reactions Feelings/reactions

13. How Do We Communicate with Each Other?
A = Non-Assertive or Passive
B = Passive Aggressive
C = Aggressive
D = Assertive

14. Types of Assertiveness
compassionate courage – willingness and ability to tell someone something they need to hear even it if upsets them or hurts them initially
fighting for fairness – standing up for yourself, matching what you think with what you say

15. Role Playing Initiating Communication Making a Request
Refusing a Request
Dealing with Others’ Anger
Dealing with My Own Anger
Taking an Unpopular Stand

16. Final Commitments
Based on this discussion – what will you do differently?
How can you hold each other accountable for your learning here?

17. Anthony Creative Solutions, LLC
Thank You
Dr. Michael D. Anthony
Anthony Creative Solutions, LLC
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