1. Revision “The limit of my language is the limit of my mind”—
Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein
Picture: the Northern Lights

2. Table of Contents Revision Revising for Coherence RADaR DRAFT
Additional Revision Strategies

3. Why Revise?
A recent study states that “Writing well is not just an option for younger people—it is a necessity. Along with reading comprehension, writing skill is a predictor of academic success and a basic requirement for participation in civic life and in the global economy” (Graham and Perin ).

4. What is Revision?
Revision starts with, “the writer’s evaluative review or either written text, mental text, or a writing plan” (Flower et al., 1986, 22).

5. What is Revision?
Expert teacher Sheridan Blau (1997) notes, “If we reflect on the kind of thinking that is entailed in revising, in any of its modes or stages—that is, in the early stage of revising to discover one’s ideas, in the later stage of amending a text to suit the needs of one’s readers, or even in the stage of copy editing and proofreading” (Blau 240).

6. Revision Process Try Various Revision Methods:
Take your essay or ideas to a writing tutor (also bring three questions)
Allow your instructor to provide feedback
Revise essays with another student (or a group of students)
Revise your essay on your own

7. Peer and Individual Revision Strategies
Three E’s to Effective Sentences
Coherence Test
RADaR
DRAFT
In-class Revision Process
Take Home Revision Questions

8. Three E’s of Effective Sentences
Economy
“Writers delete for economy.” Be efficient with language.
Emphasis
Put words in certain places to achieve certain effects or to emphasize certain ideas
Effect
Choices in syntax affect tone
Three E’s of Effective Sentences is from Revision Decisions (13)

9. Revising for Coherence
“Coherence is achieved when sentences and ideas are connected and flow together smoothly…Coherence allows the reader to move easily throughout the essay from one idea to the next, from one sentence to the next, and from one paragraph to the next” (“Coherence”).
Adapted from the Little, Brown Book

10. Sample Thesis
[ARGUMENT] In “Point Break,” Bigelow uses symbolism, cinematography, dialogue, setting, and mise-en-scene to show how physical and emotional limits can test one’s moral character and accelerate personal growth and self-realization. [SUPPORTING IDEA #1] Bigelow uses symbolism early in the movie to show the beginning of Utah’s growth. [SUPPORTING IDEA #2] When Utah and the surfers skydive, the director uses various camera angles to show Utah questioning his morals and ideas of justice. [SUPPORTING IDEA #3] Bigelow uses the artful dialogue of Bodhi to guide Utah and the audience to discover personal happiness. [SUPPORTING IDEA #4] Through setting, Bigelow shows Utah’s personal growth.

11. Supporting Ideas and Coherence
BODY PARAGRAPH 1
BODY PARAGRAPH 2
BODY PARAGRAPH 3
BODY PARAGRAPH 4

12. Coherence Essay Structure
Thesis Statement
Topic Sentence 1
Topic Sentence 2
Topic Sentence 3
Topic Sentence 4

13. Coherence Test
The coherence test asks you to focus on about sixteen sentences in your essay. During the coherence test, rest your thesis, topic sentences, concluding sentences, and the beginning of your conclusion. Either read and highlight these parts of your essay, or on a separate sheet of paper, write these approximately sixteen sentences in order starting with your thesis and finishing with the conclusion. We read these parts of our paper in order to assess the logical flow of our ideas. We will now take about ten or fifteen minutes to perform a coherence test on your own essay.

14. Coherence Test
Bigger Picture Question: Is there a logical progression from the thesis to the topic sentence to the concluding sentence?

15. 1. Read your thesis and assess the direction of the paper
Coherence Test
1. Read your thesis and assess the direction of the paper

16. 2. Read the first topic sentence of your first body paragraph
Coherence Test
2. Read the first topic sentence of your first body paragraph

17. Coherence Test
3. Read the concluding sentence of your first body paragraph

18. Coherence Test
4. Repeat the process by reading each topic and concluding sentence in each body paragraph

19. 5. Read the first few sentences of your conclusion
Coherence Test
5. Read the first few sentences of your conclusion

20. Coherence Test
6. If elements of the paper seem to flow logically, the overall coherence of the paper should be pretty solid. If not take a few minutes to brainstorm, outline, and reconsider where certain parts make the most sense

21. RADaR Revision Strategy
R—Replace words that are not specific, words that are overused, and sentences that are unclear
A—Add new information, descriptive adjectives and adverbs, rhetorical or literary devices
D—Delete unrelated ideas, sentences that sound good but create unity problems, unwanted repetition, and unnecessary details
and
R—Reorder to make better sense or flow better and so details support main ideas
Kelly Gallagher’s Write Like This: Teaching Real-World Writing Through Modeling and Mentor Texts

22. A Thought about First Drafts
“All first draft writing— whether produced by students or by professional writers— is lousy” (Gallagher 203).

23. Revision Strategy: DRAFT

24. D.R.A.F.T.
Delete unnecessary and repeated words Rearrange sentences Add connectors (transitional words or phrases) Form new verb endings Talk it out

25. Delete
“It’s important to scrutinize every word, phrase, and clause—to see whether you can cut it to give you a sentence that conveys the same meaning more swiftly,” Bruce Larson explains in Stunning Sentences (1999).

26. Rearrange
Author Joan Didion advises us that “To shift the structure of a sentence alters the meaning of that sentence, as definitely and inflexibly as the position of a camera alters the meaning of the object photographed.”

27. In-Class Group Revision
The Process:
I. Discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your essay with a classmate (5 minutes)
II. Read and Comment (10-15 minutes)
III. Discuss your comments (10 minutes)
IV. Individually, make revisions to your essay (5-10 minutes)

28. Take-Home Revision Questions
1. Is my hook strong?
2. Does my introduction unpack everything?
3. Is my thesis arguable, complex, and specific?
4. Do my body paragraphs argue something and attempt to prove it using textual evidence and analysis?
5. Does my conclusion reflect on the main issue(s)?

29. Dahl on Revision
“By the time I am nearing the end of a story, the first part will have been reread and altered and corrected at least one hundred and fifty times…Good writing is essentially rewriting,” advises the author Roald Dahl.

30. Additional Resources
Revision Strategies UCI Highlighter "Revising the Draft" by Harvard University "Revising Drafts" by the Writing Center at UNC Chapel Hill

31. References Anderson and Dean. Revision Decisions.
“Coherence.” Southeastern University. 31 Mar
Gallagher, Kelly. Write like This.
Larson, Bruce. Stunning Sentences.