1. Resilient Families Project Adult Program Fall 2016

2. Welcome – Introductions Ice Breaker
Tonight’s Agenda
Welcome – Introductions
Ice Breaker
Overview - Resilient Family Project
7 Skills of Conscious Discipline- Empathy
Compassionate Listening
Word Bubble
Music
Community Building

3. Snowy Owl Agreement Created by group last Spring Respect Trust
Support & Love Laughter
Good Listener Work together
Willingness Patience
Open Minded Kindness
Hope for each other Understand One Another
Encourage Compassion
Strength Thoughtful of Others
Goodness Convivial (Welcoming)
What is said in group, stays in group

4. Ice Breaker On your name card, draw either: A square A Z A triangle
A circle

5. Find your friends! All squares sit in one area All z’s in another
All triangles in another
All circles in another section of group

6. Similarities Talk amongst yourselves Share with group
What do all the people in your group have in common?
Share with group

7. Resilient Family Project Mission
Family Matters
Nurturing positive attachments between children and caregivers

8. 6 Core Ideas of The Resilient Families Project1
Resilience Begins with Anchoring in the Present 3
Packing Your
Child’s
Suitcase 4
Compassionate Listening 5
Conflict & Poor Choices are
Teaching
Opportunities 6
Transforming Our Families to Be Resilient 2
Keeping Your
Glass Full
B.Burns, Ph.D. (Santa Clara U) & L.Haynes, Ph.D. (U of Louisville)

9. Compassionate Listening
Kinds of Listening
Argumentative
Antagonistic
Autobiographical
Empathic

10. Compassionate Listening
Kinds of Listening
Argumentative – Not really hearing what the other person is saying because you are in your head creating your arguments
Antagonistic Not hearing creating your point of view response
Autobiographical – You intercede your story
Empathic – Listen with com

11. RESILIENT FAMILY SKILLS composure-encouragement- assertiveness-choices- positive intent-empathy- consequences
Be real.
Put in the work needed for a resilient life. Your and family deserve it.

12. Empathy wires brain for self control.
Help accept and process feelings. Acts like a mirror. How you respond to upset teaches us how to respond to others.
“You seem ___. Something ___
must have happened.”
Empathy wires brain for self control.

13. Compassionate Listening

14. COMMUNICATION Foundation of relationships
Helps us to feel heard and understood
Is the exchange of messages
Involves clear listening and clearly expressing ourselves
Is also NONVERBAL

15. Compassionate Listening
Take a Breath
Go to your

16. Communication
Being able to communicate positively and effectively take practice
Does not come naturally!!!
We need to be able to express ourselves clearly and REALLY listen to others
QUIET LISTENING ACTIVE LISTENING

17. Good LISTENING IS A SKILL
Compassionate Listening
Good LISTENING IS A SKILL
Allow real sharing
Decide to listen
Take the time
Body Language

18. GOOD LISTENING How do we know when we are really being listened to?
Body language
Good listening means paying attention to body language. We show good listening by
Making eye contact
Facing the speaker
Keeping our own body relaxed
Good listening means listening without trying to second-guess or assume we know what the other person is going to say!

19. Compassionate Listening
Listening practice Partner with the person across from you. One person goes 1st and talks about a recent challenge they are dealing with Person 2 listens with no comments. May want to acknowledge by moving your head and have positive body language

20. Mindful Moment:

21. Why Be Mindful?
With Broderick

22. Compassionate Listening
Sum and reflect
Check feelings
Ask friendly questions
Active Listening

23. Compassionate Listening
Listening practice With your partner talk about a recent positive experience or day in your life. Person 1 listens with feeds back with a positive recap of what the person said I heard you say…. Continue to acknowledge by moving your head and have positive body language

24. AVOID in ACTIVE LISTENING
Beware
Blaming
Criticizing
Lecturing
Advising
Judging
Ridiculing
Tone of voice is respectful and shows interest. You focus on the speaker. The more you demonstrate good listening skills, the more your friends will be willing to share their feelings with you.

25. Compassionate Listening
Stop Talking
“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” Mark Twain.
Don't talk, listen.  When somebody else is talking listen to what they are saying, do not interrupt, talk over them or finish their sentences for them.  Stop, just listen.  When the other person has finished talking you may need to clarify to ensure you have received their message accurately.

26. Compassionate Listening
Prepare Yourself to Listen
Relax. 
Focus on the speaker.  Put other things out of mind.  The human mind is easily distracted by other thoughts – what’s for lunch, what time do I need to leave to catch my train, is it going to rain – try to put other thoughts out of mind and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated.

27. Compassionate Listening
Put the Speaker at Ease
Help the speaker to feel free to speak.
Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue. 
Maintain eye contact but don’t stare – show you are listening and understanding what is being said.

28. Compassionate Listening
Remove Distractions
Focus on what is being said.
Don’t doodle, shuffle papers, look out the window, pick your fingernails or similar. Avoid unnecessary interruptions.  These behaviours disrupt the listening process and send messages to the speaker that you are bored or distracted.

29. Compassionate Listening
Empathize
Try to understand the other person’s point of view.
Look at issues from their perspective.  Let go of preconceived ideas.  By having an open mind we can more fully empathize with the speaker.  If the speaker says something that you disagree with then wait and construct an argument to counter what is said but keep an open mind to the views and opinions of others.

30. Compassionate Listening
Be Patient
A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished.
Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own time, sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say it. Never interrupt or finish a sentence for someone.

31. Compassionate Listening
Avoid Personal Prejudice
Try to be impartial.
Don't become irritated and don't let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what the speaker is really saying. Everybody has a different way of speaking - some people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some have regional accents or make excessive arm movements, some people like to pace whilst talking - others like to sit still. Focus on what is being said and try to ignore styles of delivery.

32. Compassionate Listening
Listen to the Tone
Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying.
A good speaker will use both volume and tone to their advantage to keep an audience attentive; everybody will use pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations – let these help you to understand the emphasis of what is being said.

33. Compassionate Listening
Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words
You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces.
Maybe one of the most difficult aspects of listening is the ability to link together pieces of information to reveal the ideas of others. With proper concentration, letting go of distractions, and focus this becomes easier.

34. Compassionate Listening
Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication
Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important.
We don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes – watch and pick up the additional information being transmitted via non-verbal communication.

35. Compassionate Listening
Word Bubbles
Create a reminder to build your listening skills.

36. Community Support
University of Louisville, Dept. of Psychology & Brain Sciences partnered with Wayside Christian Mission at Hotel Louisville
Dr. Barbara St. Clare University in California
Unity of Louisville – Rev. Valerie Mansfield, outreach partner
Erin Fitzgerald – Singer, author community activist
Paws with Purpose – Women training service dogs
SPAVA – Non Violent Communication Skills
Compassionate Louisville

37. Thank You
We appreciate each of you as we work together to create a positive opportunity for each one of us, the community of Wayside, students and staff from University of Louisville, and our Louisville Community Partners at large.