1. Listening
Chapter 9 ‘The reason why we only have two ears and only one mouth is so that we may listen the more and talk the less.’
Diogenes, in the third century AD
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2. The listening process
‘Listening is the process of receiving, constructing meaning from and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.’
(The International Listening Association 1996, p. 1).
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3. Listening in an average working day
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4. Facts you should know about listening
Listening is possibly the most important communication skill.
There is very little formal teaching of listening in schools.
Listening skills can be taught.
Some people can achieve a 25 per cent gain in listening proficiency.
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5. You listen with your mind
To hear is not to listen
You hear with your ears
You listen with your mind
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6. Why listen? To influence play help learn
Benefit from others’ insights, hear and respond to developing problems, get information to make choices.
relate
People like others who are interested in them.
influence
People respect others who understand and respect their ideas and feelings.
play
To suspend critical judgement and evaluation and ‘just be’ is relaxing.
help
‘To help you need to first understand and empathise.’ (DeVito, O’Rourke & O’Neill, 2000)
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7. Listening… is an active process includes paying attention
includes understanding.
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8. Six stages of listening
1. Hearing
2. Attention
3. Understanding
4. Remembering
5. Evaluating
6. Responding
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9. Barriers to listening Thinking time lag Lack of effort
Preoccupation with self, or worries
Preoccupation with external distractions
Preoccupation with attitudes
Selective listening
Expectations
Getting ready to speak
Wanting to be entertained
Letting emotions take over
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10. Thinking time lag
The average person talks at a speed of about 125 words per minute. Most of us think easily at about four times that rate. This means we have at least 400 words of thinking time to spare every minute a person talks to us.
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11. Listening Energy Tank
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12. Active Listening A E R
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13. Attend Stop – free yourself from distractions.
Remove any physical barriers.
Give time.
Focus mind and body.
If appropriate take notes.
Compare fact and opinion with your own feelings and beliefs.
Consider denotative and connotative meaning.
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14. Encourage Demonstrate interest verbally (briefly) and non-verbally.
Allow brief pauses.
Exercise emotional control:
avoid pre-judgement
guard your own emotional reactions
be aware of your own prejudices.
Ask questions to draw speaker out.
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15. Research
Clarify.
Paraphrase – reflect back the message in your own words.
Reflect feelings.
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16. The Chinese characters which make up the verb ‘to listen’
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17. Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing is reflecting the message back to the speaker in your own words.
Can clarify your understanding and keep you focused.
Also builds connectedness with the speaker.
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18. Effective paraphrasing
reflects both the content and the feelings, the verbal and non-verbal messages
with the same meaning as the speaker but in the listener’s own words
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19. Mistakes in paraphrasing
Identical content
Shallow or surface meaning
Additional meaning
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20. Unhelpful responses to listening
Advising and evaluating
Analysing and interpreting
Reassuring and supporting
Questioning and probing
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21. Types of listening Passive Participatory Surface Deep Objective
Empathic
Critical
Non-judgemental
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